Distancing Herself

Nicholas moves about the kitchen searching for something quick to eat, but something needs to be more appetizing. Anna joins him, holding a newspaper which she drops on the counter in front of him.

He leans forward and reads the headlines, seeing the news about The American has made the front page. “One of America’s most wanted fugitives captured.”

“The question is, will her father be next?” Anna sets a sandwich down in front of him. “You need to eat more than an apple. I can make myself another one. Where’s Eloise? I haven’t seen much of her lately.”

“You don’t hear that?” Edson says as he snatches the sandwich off the plate and takes three big bites.

Nicholas enters the living room, hearing the piano and Eloise’s deep, soulful voice. He turns to look at Edson in disbelief.

“Yeah, for like ten minutes now. The girl has some mad talent.”

Before he gets a chance to hear much more, the song ends. The sound of the piano cover closing has Nicholas and Anna slipping back into the kitchen, pretending to be busy as Eloise climbs the stairs and enters the room. She blushes slightly when she sees them. He can tell she thought she was alone in this part of the house.

“Hey, Eloise,” Anna says, standing in front of the fridge. “You thirsty? I just made some lemonade.”

She nods and comes over to the island, standing next to Nicholas. He leans over and kisses her on the cheek, but her body turns slightly, almost like she doesn’t want it.

“Are you all right?”

Her body language screams no, but she nods.

“Eloise?” Edson says through a mouthful of cookies. “You’re gonna lie to Pierce?” he sputters, sending crumbs into the air. “You seem to forget what we do for a living. Besides, how you played and sang that song nearly brought me to my knees in tears.”

“Edson!” Anna scowls, making Eloise gasp. “Filter, my son,” she scolds him.

“What?” He shrugs. “It was a compliment.”

Eloise shifted while watching him scribble on his tablet. Snow falls outside the window behind him, brightening all the neglected areas and softening the landscape into a winter wonderland.

“Tell me, Eloise, how does it feel to be back?” Dr. Brown asks as they sip their coffee in their usual meeting room beside Nicholas’s office.

She was the one who asked him to come this morning. Something feels off, and she wants to get to it.

“It feels great…good, I mean. It’s a relief to be back, of course.”

“But…” He pulls his glasses down on his nose, knowing there’s more.

She shrugged, not sure how to put it. “I don’t know. I mean, I’ve been back here for a week now. I’m happy. I’m safe. I’m so grateful to the guys…I just thought it would feel a little different.”

“How different?”

She shifted again and tucked her dress tighter around her legs, feeling nervous about answering this question, knowing that it made it true once she said it aloud. “It feels like it’s not quite where I need to be.”

He nods as he understands her instead of displaying the confusion she expects from him.

“Eloise, you were left to look after your mother for the four years she was ill. Weren’t you fourteen when she passed?”

She nodded miserably.

“So, that would have made you ten when you took on a very adult emotional task, correct?”

She nodded, agreeing.

“Okay, after your mother died, your father began his political climb to the mayor’s office, thrusting you into his world. Suddenly, the press is hounding you, your life is turned upside down, and you start to run into problems, so you put your life on hold again for your parents. You are kidnapped and held for seven terrible months a few years later.”

She cleared her throat uncomfortably and started to say something, but he held up his hand and continued.

“Finally, you are rescued and brought here. Then,” he pauses with his finger in the air, “a few months later, you are taken once again, then rescued and brought back here again.” He looks at her with one eyebrow raised, waiting for a response.

“Okay…” is all she can muster.

“I’m saying, Eloise, you need to give yourself some time. You need to process all that has happened. You haven’t had a chance to live your own life yet. You’re twenty-eight years old and—”

“…Still feel like I’m going in circles with no direction and no end in sight,” she answered, feeling like he had just hit the source of her problem.

“I don’t know who I am and what I want, and now that all my major life-altering problems seem to be ending, I find myself lost.” A horrible feeling hits her stomach when she suddenly thinks of Nicholas.

“Finding yourself doesn’t mean you have to give up anything. It just means you need a little time to be alone.”

“Space,” she whispered, closing her eyes. “I think I just need some space. That’s mine.”

Nicholas hangs up the phone after a three-hour conversation with Gregory. They have enough evidence to convict Mary, thanks to Caleb Monist, who is willing to throw her under the bus to get a lesser sentence for himself. However, the mayor is pinning it all on Lucas Dome.

It’s easier to blame the dead than the living who have a voice.

He pours coffee and leans against the window, watching the snowfall. A storm is coming. They’re supposed to be getting forty-five inches of snow.

He’s thankful his father arrived home safely last night. A bullet grazed his shoulder, and now he and Edson are joking that they planned their new matching scars.

“Nicholas?” Eloise whispers behind him.

He turns, feeling the strange vibe that seems to be there whenever they are together lately. He knows he needs to address the Hugo issue, as she still must have raw feelings about it.

She’s been acting different since she got back, and it’s not like her to keep him at arm’s length. It’s killing him.

“Nicholas,” she repeats when he doesn’t answer right away, “do you have a moment?”

He nods and rubs his face. God, he is tired. He sits on the couch while she sits across from him.

“Why?” he asks without thinking.

“Why what?”

“Why are you over there and not next to me?”

“Because I don’t think clearly when I’m that close to you.”

“Well, I don’t like it,” he admits.

She momentarily for a moment, then comes obeside and sits next to him. His hand reaches for her automatically, tugging her closer, but she stops him. She slides to the other end of the couch, looking uncomfortable.

“Okay, I’m listening,” he says, raising his hand to show her he won’t grab for her again.

It takes her a few minutes, but she finally clears her throat. “I saw some pictures.”

He doesn’t hesitate. “Eloise, we met Valentino four months ago. He thought we were looking for work with the Cartel. The guy is a bit of an idiot, and we quickly gained intel on your whereabouts. We met him a few times at that café, as did The American. That’s how we found you—”

“No,” she interrupts, her face pale, “not that picture.”

Nicholas turns, pulling a leg up to look at her better. “Then which?”

“The one with the blonde.” His stomach rolls.

Fuck! How the hell?

“The one where you held her in your arms as you held me. The one where you’re staring at her with the same look you have for me. The one where you kiss her with the same lips you use on me.” She pauses, nearly in tears. “I thought…” She shakes her head, standing and putting more distance between them. “I’m sure there’s some reason you were doing that with her, but…”

“There is,” he chimes in.

She holds up her hand to stop him. “But regardless, those little things mean something to me. I thought they were only for me.”

“They are.” He stands and goes to her, but she steps back. He hates not being able to touch her when he wants to. He shouldn’t, but he shares, “She’s an informant for Guardians. She’s the one who helps us gain info on the Cartel.

“Her brother runs tight with them. She’s had a crush on me forever, and when you were taken, I knew I had to…I played dirty to get anything I could on your whereabouts. But, Eloise, she means nothing to me. I did it all for you, for us.”

He can feel her pull away mentally, her big beautiful eyes filling with tears again. “I love you, Eloise, I always have. Please don’t pull away from me. My heart can’t take losing you again.”

She steps forward, then stops as big, silent tears roll down her cheeks. With each one that falls, a piece of his heart falls. “I promised Bryan I’d help him with something.”

“Eloise, please.” Nicholas catches her by the hand, but she shakes her head, making him release her immediately.

As she reaches the door, she turns, keeping her head down. “I love you, Nicholas, but put yourself in my shoes. Think about how much that would hurt seeing me with another man, looking at him like that, even if it was for a good reason.”

“It would destroy me,” he admits, feeling sick.

She nods once, then slowly closes the door behind her.

Nicholas grabs one of his brandy glasses and sends it across the room, feeling fucked-up emotions. It shatters into a million pieces right along with his heart.