Chapter 173 Taking Care of Myself
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink. I'm dead on my feet and it's not even 7 AM yet. It's really not my fault. I'm pretty sure it's just stress... and the nightmares... that are keeping me awake.
I'd gotten to Mountain West College around lunchtime yesterday. It was a decent size campus. I spent a little time familiarizing myself with the campus, so I won't get lost getting to my first class. I found the library, the cafe, the food court and the science and math buildings.
I even found my way to the dorms on accident. They were huge! Not to mention busy and loud.
But that's not where I live.
I live in town. Rick was good enough to get me my own apartment in town. I don't have to share it with anyone! That means no loud or obnoxious roommates coming in, in the middle of the night, half-drunk off their ass, with unknown boys in my space! I really don't think I could handle that!
I have my own room, and a spare, I guess it's just in case Liv decides to come visit... I wonder if he knew? I have my own little kitchen and a full-size bathroom. I was shocked to learn it even came with its own washer and dryer! That means I don't even have to go find the laundromat in town!
He has no idea how much I appreciate this. He went all out to make sure I was taken care of and feel safe in my own space; and I don't know if I'll ever be able to make this up to him!
"Just study hard, Charlie. That's all I ask. I'm sure you will go on to do great things, and we are all so proud of you!" he told me while giving me a hug. Then he slipped the information about my apartment into my purse and wished me luck.
I spent most of the night organizing my room to exactly what I wanted. I even put up my old poster Mom and Dad gave me when I was little. I have a little white noise machine I use to push out my nightmares. Sometimes it works, and others... not so much. I can adjust it so it's soft music too. That one seems to help the most.
I had the last half of the sub sandwich Jeff made me for my dinner, then went out to explore the town. I'm not surprised there is a lot to do here, it's a college town after all.
Somethings I was happy to find were the ice cream parlor, a pet shop, and a bookstore. I love bookstores! They are peaceful and remind me of home. I used to sit in Rick's library for hours just reading and studying.
I even found the grocery story! I was able to buy some essentials like food and laundry soap. (Rick and Josie pretty much stuffed my trunk with most of my necessities that wouldn't spoil in my car.) I'm pretty sure the grocery is going to be my new best friend in the next coming weeks.
But after I'd made my bed, took a shower, ate my small dinner, and devoured half of Hailey's cookie bag, I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling, scared to death to close my eyes.
"Come one Charlie! You can't stay awake all night long! You'll never make it through class!" I hissed at myself.
My eyes burned from keeping them open so long. I'm sure that's all I needed, to show up with red eyes first day of classes. Then fall asleep halfway through my lecture! I'm sure that's the way to get on my professor's good side...
Sometime after 2 AM, my eyes finally started to drift, and I couldn't fight it anymore. But the second they closed, my mind played out my nightmare once again. Those same brown eyes. That same leer. Those same words echoing in my head. "You are a bad little girl, Charlie. You deserve to be punished! Don't tell Josie about your dirty little secret... She will think you are filth!" he snarled in my ears.
I never did tell Josie. Not because I was scared of what Josie would think of me, but because I didn't want to hurt her.
I woke up at 6 in a cold sweat and heart palpitations. I wonder if there is a good psychologist on campus I can go see. Maybe they could prescribe something for the panic attacks.
I decided I wasn't getting any more sleep tonight, so I got up, made some chamomile tea, toast and eggs for breakfast. My stomach was having a hard time even keeping that down. But I was already a walking zombie, I didn't need to pass out due to malnutrition. Josie would rush over here and lecture me on taking care of myself! I just know it.
In order to keep her safe and stress free, I forced a few bites of food down. I hurriedly cleaned up so I didn't have a mess when I came back from classes. I really don't like messes, unlike Liv who lives in a pigsty! I like organization and cleanliness.