Chapter 15 Injuries
I don't want to get out of bed today. I'm pretty sure I'm broken. Even my eyelashes hurt. My entire body is heavy. There are aches and pains in places that I didn't even know existed until now. My head is pounding and my lungs are starving. My lips are cracked and still taste like blood. I feel like death.
But mostly my heart hurts. I have been fighting this depression for years. But it gets worse when I feel like my own sister doesn't want me around anymore. I miss my Mom and Dad. I miss their love and support. I miss their hugs and kisses...
I remember a time when weekends were filled with big breakfasts and family adventures. Dad would always make us omelets or waffles with lots of fruit. Mom would have the music on and would dance around the kitchen while they worked together in perfect sync... I always wanted someone I worked so well together with... But now I'm wondering if that's just a pipe dream.
During our weekends we would go hiking in the woods. Mom loved nature. We would also go to the mall, and sometimes we would go to the movies together. It really didn't matter what we did, as long as we spent our time together as a family.
One day I was complaining about going fishing.
"The fish and worms are yucky!" I giggled as Dad reeled his fish in.
Dad chuckled. "My little star, one day you are going to miss this," He promised with a wink.
I had no idea how right he was. I even miss the stinky fish!
Now I wake up get dressed, blinking back the tears that escaped, and grab something to eat on the way, as long as Beth isn't awake yet. If by chance she is awake this early on Saturday mornings, she is even more cranky than normal and she kicks me out. Then I just go back to work.
I would love just to have this one day off... I could take Charlie shopping for some new clothes or school supplies, or even to a park and just watch the fall leaves. I would bring Liv too if it weren't beneath her to have family time.
Then again, she didn't like the thought of me leaving her. I didn't know if it was a good idea to tell her I was thinking of leaving or not, but I took a gamble and it didn't turn out so bad.
I still need to tell the girls what I'm planning... Only I want a closer date then August! What am I supposed to do, say girls, we are moving... Next August, so hold your horses while I figure something out and don't let Aunt Beth know?
I know Charlie would keep her lips shut, but I know Liv would blab to Ava, and Ava being who she is would run to her mother, and Beth would beat me to an inch of my death. I'm really not looking for another beating any time soon.
It's just better to keep it quiet until it actually happens. I'll just kidnap my sisters with me, and I know Charlie wouldn't even think of stopping me. She'd even knock Liv out if I asked her to. I smirk at the thought.
As quietly as I can I make my way to the bathroom across the hall and start the water. I turn it on as hot as possible, trying to was some warmth back into my broken body. My body is colder than normal, and I need to warm up if there is any way for me to make it to work this morning.
I scrub away the blood and carefully wash my scalp, trying to avoid all my injuries. When I feel a semblance of normalcy, I shut off the water and carefully pat myself dry, also avoiding my ribs as much as possible.