Chapter 42

"That was a lovely dinner, Graeham. But, I do believe that I am tired." Miney said, leaning her head on her husband and mate's shoulder.

"Umm, me too." Looking up at Rio, Amber said, "Let's go to bed."

"Us as well. Come on, Jaxson." Charlotte winked at Agnes before turning to her grandfather. "You two have a.....wonderful night."

The three couples left Agnes and Graeham standing there at their suite door.

Opening it, He ushered them both in. After locking the door, Graeham tried to gather Agnes in his arms. But, she stiffened and stepped back. He frowned.

"What's wrong, Agnes? You were perfectly happy to be in my arms earlier this evening."

Agnes hung her head as memories surfaced. Unpleasant memories. "I need to tell you some things. When you hear them, you might not want me anymore." She couldn't look him in the eye. Her heart hurt at the thought of what she was going to tell him.

"Agnes, I probably already know. But this seems to be incredibly important to you. So, We will sit on one of the sofas and you can tell me." Leading her to one of the sofas, they sat there together in silence while he waited for her to speak.

"I grew up in a very strict Christian home. I was not allowed to wear makeup, cut my hair, pluck my eyebrows or wear pants. Even underwear had to be white. No lace, no frills. It was considered sinful and could lead to fornication. Jewelry was considered prideful. Wedding rings for married women and a simple watch. No necklaces. No earrings. Prayer multiple times a day. Bible study was a given. That one I didn't mind. Unfortunately, it opened my eyes to the control that the church exercised over us. It wasn't about rules, at all." Graeham got up and got her some water. "My parents realized too late that I understood that our 'church' and our homelife was not what the Good Book stated. It was about control. Completely. I swear that people were brainwashed. My parents, like others that attended our church, about half of their income was handed over to our pastor." Agnes was beginning to hyperventilate and he pulled her close to him and wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her close.

"Take your time, Agnes. We have all the time in the world." Feeling her nod, he continued to hold her. Before long she continued.

"When I was sixteen, the pastor's oldest son took an interest in me. I knew it was wrong. It felt wrong, dirty. He was in his thirty's and I was just sixteen. I'll never forget the night that my parents told me." Her shoulders shook. Graeham knew what her parents had done and he could save her from having to go through and she needed to let this out. As far as he knew, she had never been to counseling. Something that he would make sure of. She needed it, deserved it for her mental health and well-being.

"He 'courted' me until I was just about eighteen. I wasn't given a choice. My parents ruled my life with a heavy hand. They wanted this to increase their standing in the church. They were greedy for it. I didn't matter. I was just a stepping stone for them." Taking a deep breath, Agnes tried to stop herself from shaking. "On the night before my eighteenth birthday, I was married to this man. I was so innocent that I had no clue. I had never been told about what to expect and my husband knew it. My 'wedding' night was an almost endless horror of pain." Graeham clenched his jaw so hard, he thought that his teeth would crack. "He liked to make me hurt. I wasn't taken gently. I was raped and sodomized, then forced to endure him 'teaching' me how to perform oral sex, where he would gag me and force himself so far down my throat that I would see black spots and almost pass out." Agnes was sobbing, and trying to talk. That's when Graeham stopped her.

"Agnes, don't tell me anymore. I already know, my love. I also know what you did to get away from him and I not going to judge you for it. You did what you did to survive. He would eventually have killed you. I'm just sorry that you had to live through that. I even know about the surgery." Agnes jerked her tear-streaked face to look at Graeham.

"How?"

"My investigators are very thorough. I can even tell you what happened to your parents after the man who called himself a pastor was arrested for fraud and sex and child trafficking. If and when you want to know, I can either tell you or give you the report and let you read it for yourself. It will be your choice."

Pulling her in closer, he kissed her forehead.

"I'm dirty, worthless, incapable of having children."

Graeham growled in anger at her words. "You are not dirty. Nor are you worthless. And if you want to have children then we can use a surrogate, adopt or foster. It will solely be your choice. I will never take away your choices from you, unless it concerns your safety." He grabbed her shoulders and turned her to face him. "Do you understand what I am telling you, Agnes?"

She shook her head, because she really didn't, and the confusion on her face showed it.

"I'm telling you that I already knew about all of this and I still don't care. Your past was forced on you. You were a child who was given no choice and kept under the thumb of cruel people. I want you, Agnes. You. The woman you are today. Scars and all. Stay with me. Be my companion." Graeham was emphatic.

"What about other women? I'm sure you haven't lived without them over the years." She replied tearfully.

"There will be no other woman in my life. Not like that. Believe me, plenty have tried. Some are still trying. There will be some that will try to run you off, hoping to replace you. Many have tried over the years to find a way into my life. All they see is the money, power and prestige that being Mrs. Graeham Frazier would bring them. I have lived in that world all of my life and expect it." He paused, letting her absorb this information. "I don't want them, Agnes. If I did, I could have my pick of these women. Instead, I held myself back. I had the occasional partner. But always briefly and never more than a few months at a stretch." Using his finger, he lifted her chin, so that she would look him in the eye. "Agnes, I want you. In life world, in my life. You are my perfect match in every way. I loved my wife. She was a good woman and we were very happy together, until the cancer took her away from me. But, I'm choosing you." When Agnes was going to say something, Graeham placed a finger over her mouth. "If I don't tell you this now, you will always wonder. What I feel for you is .....dynamic, frightening, deep and so very real in such a short span of time. When you left to go shopping with the women, both days, my arms felt so empty. My heart and body literally ached to hold you again. I didn't have that with my first wife. Haven't had that with any woman. Ever. The connection that I felt with you was instant, and I have never experienced anything like it."

Agnes's eyes were wide in her face. The revelation that he had just told her he had was scary on a level that she didn't want to examine too closely. It scared her. Because she has never felt anything like it either. Her past was such a large deterrent to her able to have any type of deeper relationship, causing anxiety so bad that it would affect her mental stability.

"I'm scared. What if I can't function in a 'normal' relationship? What if I can't function in a sexual relationship?" The look on Graeham's face was gentle and full of emotions that she really didn't want to think too deeply about.

"Agnes, have you considered any type of therapy to help you?" he asked.

"No never. I have never had the money to be able to afford it." She watched his mouth compress into a tight line.

"That ends now. Once we get back from all of the shifter ceremonies and weddings, then we will find you a therapist. Someone who will understand what you have experienced because they have experienced the same or a similar situation." Agnes knew then that she would be 'safe' with him. That he genuinely cared about her.

"I..I don't understand....." She mumbled.

"It's simple, really. I care about you. Not just what I see on the outside, but everything. I want a relationship with you. But, I want you to be able to say that you can without hesitation."

"What if I go through therapy and still can't?" She asked.

"We cross that bridge when if and when we come to it. As long as you are in my life, I can deal with whatever life and the world throws at me." Taking a deep breath, he continued, "You matter to me, Agnes. More than you could possibly understand. It happened so quickly that even I didn't realize what had happened until last night."

She nodded, understanding. "I want to be with you, too. I just...am afraid of disappointing you."

"You won't. But, you will only believe that with time. I have brought you into my life and my world without hesitation, hoping that you would find your footing. I genuinely want you to be in my life, and I will help you to be there any way that I can. That's how serious I am about you, Agnes." Reaching out, he took her hands in his and they simply sat there for a moment and enjoyed each other's presence.

"I... I will have a hard time sleeping tonight. This has dredged up memories that I do my best to keep buried." She said quietly.

"Maybe that's how we defeat them, Agnes. We bring them out into the light where they can be seen and examined. But, understand this. What happened to you, is not about you. It was the deficiencies of both of your parents and their idea of a church. I hope that I can help you overcome that. Not because of how I will benefit from it, but for you. If after therapy, you heal and decide to walk away from it, then that's completely fine. I won't lie and tell you that letting you go will be easy, but, I will understand and let you."

She was starting to realize that maybe, just maybe, she could have what other women had. She wanted what Miney, Charlotte and Amber had. She knew it was different for them because they were mated to shifters and not a human. But that connection that went deep, she wanted that.

"Can I...can I sleep with you tonight?" Agnes hesitated to ask, aware of the implications.

"Yes, and sleep is all we will do. I would never force anything on you. I need you to understand that, Agnes. If you want to sleep in my bed, then sleep is what we will do, and nothing else." Graeham replied in a fierce tone.

"I'm going to shower. I'll be back soon."

Graeham watched her go with a heavy heart. Her pain was so palpable, he could almost reach out and touch it. She had never been loved the way a woman should be loved. She had never had a man let her know that she was worthy of the many things that a woman should be given by the man in her life. The love, protection, stability, affection and intimacy. The idea that he would buy it for her simply because she had shown an interest in it. Dress her in the best clothing that he could buy. Wrap her up in his love and affection. These were alien concepts to Agnes. But that was about to change.