Chapter Eight

Ada managed to sneak past her mother when she arrived home. She didn’t want her mother questioning why her hair was wet or how could she possibly go swimming with no bathing suit, spare clothes, or a towel. Ada knew her mother would freak out and possibly never let her leave the house again with Ewan or Kacey.

A few minutes after Ada successfully snuck into her bedroom, Kacey followed without bumping into Tanya either. Kacey was ecstatic by the night they had.

“Wasn’t tonight amazing?” Kacey said, closing the door behind her.

“Yeah… It was something.” Ada replied, getting into her pajamas.

“Hal is so handsome and fun!” She states in a daze.

Ada smiled.

“I really enjoyed swimming in the lake with him.” Kacey continued, her face turning red.

“Were the two of you actually swimming or doing something else?” Ada questioned lightheartedly.

“Oh hush!” Kacey replied, smacking Ada with a pillow.

Her friend just laughed as she walked over to the door.

“So, are you and Ewan together now?” Kacey questioned with wide eyes and a smile.

“What? No.” Ada replied, blushing.

“Really? I thought you were on a roll.” Kacey continued shocked. “A record-breaking three items checked off the ol’ agenda already. Why not go for more?”

Ada stopped in her tracks. She was about to go tell her mother that they made it back on time, but found had become saddened by Kacey’s inquiries, as she remembered everything that happened on the way home. “It’s nothing like that.”

Kacey gave her a knowing look. “That was a hot kiss, Ada!” She continued with excitement. “There is definitely something there between the two of you.”

Ada gave her a half-smile. “I don’t know.”

“Well, I do.”

Even though Kacey seemed fully energized from the night they had, it didn’t take her long to fall asleep after a hot shower. However, Ada lay awake in the dark bedroom, staring up at the ceiling; not that she could see the ceiling with how dark the room was, but she knew she was definitely looking up towards it. She was set on edge, anxious in the pitch dark. It’s been a while since Ada had even been in a room so dark and she honestly was not enjoying it.

She tried everything to make herself fall asleep, willing slumber to come to her, but it never did. Everything that happened over the past couple of months kept reeling in her mind from Jessie’s face, Luke and Jason, Emma, to the kiss she shared with Ewan, to the conversation she had with him, and then back to Jessie. The dizzying rollercoaster was causing her nauseated and shaky.

Defeated, Ada quietly started towards the door so her frequent tossing and turning wouldn’t wake Kacey up. She couldn’t help feeling jealous as she looked at her friend sleeping peacefully beside her.

As she was just about to exit the room, her phone sounded off as she received a text message. It was Ewan!

E: Are you awake?

A: Unfortunately. You can’t sleep either?

E: Nope. Wanna go for a walk?

A: Sounds good.

E: Be there in a few.

Ada walked silently out of her room, grabbing her shoes. She quietly made her way down the hall, poking her head through her mother’s cracked bedroom door. Her lamp was still on while Tanya lay stretched out in her bed, snoring, with a book ready to fall out of her grasp. Ada tiptoed to her mother’s bedside, placing the book on the nightstand and turning out the light before walking out of the room.

At the front door, Ada waited for Ewan to turn up.

The pair started their walk around their neighborhood at 2 a.m. The darkness that surrounded them was illuminated by streetlamps that lit the sidewalks they ventured down. There was a chill to the air that cut through Ada every time the wind blew, causing her to shiver. The silence that came with the night was broken by bugs chirping and a random dog barking off in the distance as everyone else was fast asleep.

Why didn’t I grab my jacket? She thought to herself angrily.

“Are you cold?” Ewan asked, noticing Ada chattering her teeth.

She nodded her head.

“Here.” He said as he took off his jacket. “I’m kind of warm anyway.”

Ewan’s jacket was toasty. Her heart leaped as his scent wrapped around her, making her smile and want to breathe it in some more. As they continued their journey, Ada realized how safe she felt with Ewan. Even though they were walking in the middle of the night, she didn’t think if there were people around who could do them harm. His presence made her feel comfortable. Well, almost comfortable. She could tell that he was lost in thought as they walked without saying much to each other. Something was definitely bothering him.

Ewan’s jaw was clenched, wearing a stern expression on his face with his eyebrows furrowed. He would only glance at Ada every few minutes or if she spoke, but he wouldn’t look her in the eye. His body seemed tense as if he were waiting for someone to jump out of the bushes and start attacking.

She didn’t want to pry, but the silence between them started to get to her. Did she do something wrong to upset him? The ever increasing company of something troubling was apparent.

“Ewan, what’s wrong?” Ada finally asked when the silence between them became too much for her to bear.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t tell me ‘nothing.’” She started with more bite than she intended. “I can tell that something is bothering you. You won’t look at me, you’ve barely said anything besides offering me your jacket, and you’re walking around as if someone just pissed you off.”

They made it to the park at this point. She sat down in a swing while Ewan leaned against the frame of the swing set.

“I’ve just got some stuff on my mind.” He replied solemnly.

“Did I do something to make you ticked off at me?” She asked curiously.

“What?” He looked at her in confusion. “No.”

She stares at him with pleading eyes. “Then what is it?”

Ewan doesn’t respond. His nostrils flared in anger.

When Ewan wouldn’t respond, Ada started again. “I thought we used this time to talk to one another.” She paused, scrutinizing him. “You’re always there for me when I need you; let me do the same.” She pleads.

He lets out a sigh. “I had a dream that we were back at that gas station.” He states, rubbing his forehead as if he were getting a headache. "When Jessie grabbed you, I couldn’t help you. He just kept hurting you and—" He cut off, looking away, angry. His jaw squared again as anger started to rise in him. “Everything I did just didn’t work. I punched, I kicked; it did nothing. I even threw things and it only landed at my feet. Any and everything that I did just didn’t do any good.”

Ada hugged him. “It was just a stupid dream.”

“I know,” Ewan replies, holding her tight. “I shouldn’t let it get to me.”

“You can’t help that it does,” Ada replied with her head resting against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. “I don’t even have to close my eyes to have nightmares affect me.”

“Yeah…” He replies still holding her but looking out far into the distance.

She looks up at him and could tell that there was more bugging him that he wasn’t willing to reveal, but Ada decided to let it go.

The two sat together in the park, barely speaking but enjoying each other’s company. Ada would rest her head on his shoulder every once in a while. In response, Ewan would reach for her hand but quickly stopped himself.

Confusion filled within Ada. A few hours ago, he was grabbing at me and now he won’t even touch me… What is going on?

Ewan didn’t say much besides acknowledging when Ada said something by nodding his head or grunting. The first time he actually said a full sentence to Ada was when the sun met the horizon.

“I guess I should start walking you home.” He said getting up from the bench they had been sitting at and held out his hand to help Ada.

As she grabbed his hand, a nagging thought started to creep into her mind. She wondered if Ewan’s sudden withdraw had anything to do with the kiss they shared. Was it something that should never have happened?

Did the kiss not mean anything? Ada thought as panic started to plague her. Were we ever going to talk about it? Maybe it meant nothing… Maybe that’s why he hasn’t mentioned it… Was it something that we aren’t supposed to talk about?

Most of the walk home Ada had acted out every possible scenario in her head of how the conversation could go if she brought it up. Everything from heartfelt, sincere feelings for one another, make-out sessions played in her mind to hurtful, never want to speak to you again, I just lost my best friend scenarios clouded her.

When they arrived on her street, her heart started to beat fast. She knew she was running out of time to receive any answers about the kiss at the lake. Her heart raced with fear. Her mouth became dry and her stomach felt as though it were doing flips.

“Um… Ewan?” Ada started shyly, stopping at the end of the street.

He stops, staring at her perplexed. “What’s wrong?” She never acts this cautious, not with him.

“Are we gonna talk about what happened at the lake?” She questions with the words rambling quickly; almost as if the whole sentence was one word.

Ewan pauses, “What do you mean?” He questions cautiously.

Her eyes fall, already knowing the answer to her question. “Never mind.” She says, starting to walk.

Ewan grabs her arm. “Ada?” He says softly.

“You know what I’m talking about.” Her eyes showing the desperation she felt as she turned to look at him.

“The kiss?”

Ada nodded.

“Oh, um...” His eyes widened and he started to blush while he scratched the back of his head. “You were having a panic attack.” He continued reluctantly, stopping to think. “I figured a kiss would surprise you.” Ewan started, looking away from her. “I thought maybe if I did that, it would help.”

“Oh,” Ada states quietly, with disappointment filling her voice. Even though she tried mentally preparing herself for any possible outcome, she wasn’t prepared for this simple and crushing explanation.

He wore a heartfelt smile, trying to make his face light up, but his saddened eyes betrayed him. "Look, Ada, I just—"

“No, Ewan, it’s fine. There’s no need to explain.” She started, cutting him off as humiliation consumed her. “I needed to know, so…” She paused, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall down her cheeks. “I think I can walk the rest of the way home.” She hurriedly finished, wanting to run away from the conversation altogether.

"Ada, please let me exp—" He called after her, feeling torn between leaving her alone and running after her. Hurt and confusion were displayed on his face.

She ignored him, hurrying away from the embarrassment she felt.

At the front door, she turned to see if Ewan left or followed her, but was surprised to see that he stood in the very same spot staring at her in bewilderment. She could tell by his stance that he was conflicted.

Opening the door, Ada thought she would be able to keep herself from crying, but the hurt she felt overpowered her. She leans against the back of the door, as tears streamed down her face silently.

“Where did you go?” Tanya asks, slightly angry to find her daughter sneaking into the house at seven in the morning.

“Nowhere,” Ada says quickly, wiping the tears from her face.

“Don’t lie to me.” She responds sternly.

“I just needed to walk around the block,” Ada replied with a small voice. “I couldn’t sleep.”

Tanya stares severely at her with her arms crossed, scrutinizing her daughter, and waiting for her to break down and tell her the truth.

Ada stared back at her, unwavering.

A few minutes passed before Tanya believed her daughter. She softened, “Oh, honey, are you still having trouble sleeping?”

Ada nodded, refusing to look at her mother. She hated seeing her mom worry about her.

Tanya wanted to embrace her daughter but knew she couldn’t. She noticed that Ada had been crying, but figured it would be better to not ask about it. She knew her daughter had been dealing with a lot more than someone her age should. “Well, since you’re up, do you want me to make you some breakfast?”

“No, I’m not hungry,” Ada replied, walking past her mom and into the living room.

“You need to start eating more, honey,” Tanya responded, pleading. “You hardly eat anything anymore.”

“Mom, can we not do this right now?” Ada replied with defeat.

“Honey, you know I’m worried about you. You’re starting to lose weight. You need to eat to survive.”

“Please, mom. Please not now.” She said, exhaustion in her voice as she slumped on to the couch.

“What’s wrong?” Tanya questioned curiously, knowing there was something other than sleep deprivation bothering her daughter. She wasn’t going to pry, but she was concerned for her child.

“Nothing, mom. I just have a lot on my mind.”