Chapter 76 Too afraid to love him back

Chapter 76 Too afraid to love him back

Dandelion.

I woke to golden sunlight streaming through the windows and the warmth of Alex's body wrapped around mine.

For a few perfect seconds, I just existed in that moment. His arm draped over my waist, his breath soft against my shoulder, the pleasant ache in my muscles reminding me of everything we did last night.

I suddenly felt panic, because this time we made love not in anger or desperation this time, rather it felt real and terrifying and impossible to take back.

But what if this was another mistake, I really don't want to get hurt again, it's a promise I made to myself.

I moved slightly, but his arm tightened around me, and I realized he was already awake.

"Don't," he murmured against my hair.

"Hmm?, Don't what?"

"Don't run. Not yet."

My heart hammered against my ribs. "I'm not running."

"You're thinking about it. I can feel it."

He was right. I was already planning my escape, already building walls to protect myself.

"We should probably talk about last night," I said carefully.

"Probably." He murmured still clinging onto me.

Neither of us moved, we just lay there as the sun climbed higher, wrapped in sheets that smelled like us, like wine and rose air.

"Dandelion." His voice was different now. Softer than I'd ever heard it. "I need to tell you something."

Everything in me screamed to stop him. Whatever he was about to say might freak me out.

"Alex, maybe we should just---"

"This isn't fake anymore." He cut me off soft but firmly, "Not for me."

I stopped breathing.

He shifted, propping himself up on one elbow so he could look down at me. His green eyes were intense, searching my face.

"I know that's not what we agreed to," he continued. "I know the contract said no feelings, no complications. But I can't keep pretending this is just business."

My throat had gone completely dry. "W--what are you saying?"

"I'm saying last night meant something. You mean something." His hand came up to cup my face, his hand twirling my hair softly. "You're not just my contract wife anymore. You haven't been for a while now, I have feelings for you Dandy."

My eyes widened.

The words should have made me happy. This was what people dreamed about, wasn't it? The fake relationship becoming real, the cold businessman revealing his heart, just as Lilian had predicted.

But all I felt was terror.

Because I'd been here before. With Chase. He had said pretty words too, he made me believe I was special, that what we had was real. Then he'd used those feelings to control me, to hurt me, to destroy everything I'd built.

"Say something," Alex whispered.

I wanted to. God, I wanted to tell him I felt it too, that somewhere between the contract and the arguments and the quiet moments, I had fallen for him.

But the words stuck in my throat, choked by fear.

What if this was just the aftermath of good sex? What if he woke up tomorrow and regretted saying any of this? What if I was reading too much into a moment of vulnerability?

What if I was just a convenient replacement for Roxy, someone who was already there, already playing the part?

"Dandelion." His voice held an edge of desperation now. "Talk to me."

"Alex-- I don't know what you want me to say."

"The truth. Whatever you're feeling right now, just tell me."

But I couldn't. The truth was too big, too scary, too likely to destroy me if I let it out.

So I did what I always did when things got too real.

I ran.

"Uhm, we should head back," I said, pulling away from him and sitting up. The sheet fell to my waist but I didn't care about modesty now. I needed distance. "Your grandmother will wonder what's keeping us."

"Dandy."

"And you have that board meeting tomorrow morning, remember? We should get back early so you can prepare."

"You know I don't care about the meeting."

"Well, you should. It's important." I was already getting out of bed, grabbing my clothes from where they'd been scattered across the floor. "We've been gone long enough. People will talk."

"Let them talk."

"Easy for you to say. You're not the one who just had their entire life destroyed by gossip."

The words came out harsher than I intended. I saw him flinch, saw hurt flash across his face before his expression went carefully blank.

"Right," he said quietly. "Of course."

He got up too, moving to the bathroom without looking at me. The door closed with a soft click that somehow felt louder than a slam.

I stood there holding my clothes, hating myself.

He just told me he has feelings for me. He had been vulnerable and honest and everything I claimed to want.

And what did I do, I threw it back on his face.

But it was safer this way. It's safer to keep walls up, to maintain distance, to remember this was supposed to be temporary.

Even if it didn't feel temporary anymore.

I dressed up quickly. By the time Alex came out of the bathroom, fully clothed and looking like he had never held me while I slept, I packed both our bags.

"I called for the car," I said, not meeting his eyes. "It'll be here in twenty minutes."

"Fine."

"We should probably clean up the rose petals. Housekeeping will--"

"Leave them."

His tone left no room for argument. So I did.

We stood in that beautiful villa, surrounded by evidence of the night we shared, and said nothing.

The car arrived exactly on time. Alex loaded our bags without a word while I did one final check of the room, making sure we hadn't left anything behind.

Except my heart. I was definitely leaving that behind.

The drive back to the Graham Estate was torture.

Alex drove, his hands tight on the steering wheel, jaw clenched. I stared out the window, watching the ocean disappear behind us as we headed inland.

Neither of us spoke.

The silence was different from the drive here. That had been awkward and uncertain. But this was heavy weighted with everything we weren't saying.

I wanted to apologize. Wanted to explain that it wasn't him, it was me and my issues and my fear of being hurt again.

But the words wouldn't come.

So I just sat there, watching the scenery blur past, feeling the distance grow between us with every mile.

My phone buzzed. Lilian.

How's the romantic getaway? ;⁠-⁠)

I stared at the message, not knowing how to respond. How do I explain that the romantic getaway had turned into a disaster because I couldn't handle someone caring about me?

It's fine. Heading back now.

Wait. That's it? Just fine? Girl, I need details!

Later. Can't talk right now.

I put my phone away before she could respond. Even Lilian's cheerful energy felt like too much right now.

We stopped for gas about an hour into the drive. Alex got out to pump while I stayed in the car, the coward that I was.

Through the window, I watched him. The way he moved, efficient and controlled. The way he ran a hand through his hair when he thought no one was looking, a gesture of frustration I had come to recognize.

He looked tired and Hurt.

Because of me. I felt a pang guilt.

My phone buzzed again. This time it was a notification. Another trending topic about me, probably people still discussing Chase's downfall.

I opened it without thinking.

The hashtag was #DandelionComeback. Videos of my past performances, fan edits, people begging me to return to acting. Directors I had worked with posting supportive messages.

The industry needs Dandelion Williams back. Her talent speaks for itself.

Can't wait to see what she does next. She's a true artist.

Dandelion, if you're reading this: we're ready when you are.

A few months ago, this would have made me cry with relief. My career wasn't dead. People still believed in me.

But now all I could think was that my career was the only thing I had left that couldn't hurt me. Acting was safe and Predictable. I controlled the narrative, played the part, then walked away.

Not like real life, where feelings were messy and confusing and terrifying.

I put my phone away with a sigh.

Alex got back in the car, bringing the smell of gasoline with him.

We pulled back onto the highway.

I wanted to tell him about the hashtag, about the comeback that was building. Afterall He helped make it possible by exposing Chase. He deserved to know it was working.

But talking about that would lead to other conversations. Vulnerable conversations.

So I kept quiet. Another pang of guilt hit me hard, I felt like an ingrate.
.............

The Graham Estate appeared on the horizon after another hour of painful silence. The familiar gates, the manicured grounds, the massive house that had started to feel like home despite everything.

Alex pulled up to the entrance but didn't immediately get out.

"Noona's going to ask about the trip," he said, staring straight ahead.

"I know." I muttered, remembering our overly intrusive grandmother.

"What do you want to tell her?" He asked still not looking at me.

"The truth. That we followed her schedule. Saw the sights and had a nice time."

"A nice time?."

"Yes."

He laughed, but there was no humor in it. "Right. A nice time."

He got out, grabbed both our bags before I could protest, and headed inside.

I sat in the car for another minute, trying to compose myself. Trying to figure out how I was going to face Grandma Winifred's knowing looks and questions.

Trying to figure out how I was going to face Alex every day, knowing I ruined something before it even had a chance to begin.

Finally, I forced myself out of the car and followed him inside.

She was waiting in the main sitting room, practically vibrating with excitement.

"You're back! How was it? Did you have a wonderful time? Tell me everything!"

"It was lovely, Noona," Alex said smoothly, his public face firmly in place. "Thank you for arranging it."

"Lovely? That's all I get?" She turned to me. "Dandelion, dear, surely you can give me more details than 'lovely.'"

I forced a smile. "The villa was beautiful. The resort was amazing. You have excellent taste."

"Okay?, And?, did you two enjoy spending time together? Just the two of you?"

"Of course," I lied. "It was very romantic."

She studied us both with those sharp eyes that missed nothing. I could see her taking in Alex's rigid posture, my forced smile, the careful distance we were maintaining.

Gosh I'm a hundred percent sure she noticed the tension between us.

"Well," she said slowly with a hidden hint of disappointment and a forced smile. "I'm glad you enjoyed it. You both look tired though. Why don't you go rest? We can catch up properly at dinner."

Thank goodness she didn't insist, so we escaped gratefully.

In the hallway outside his room, Alex finally spoke.

"I'll be in my office if you need anything."

"Okay."

He started to walk away, then stopped.

"Dandelion."

"Yeah?"

He turned to look at me, and the expression on his face made my chest ache.

"When you're ready to stop running and trust me," he said quietly, "I'll be here."

Then he left, leaving me alone in the hallway with our bags and the crushing weight of everything I was too scared to say.

I stood there frozen for a while, then
I dragged our bags into the bedroom and closed the door, sliding down to sit on the floor.

We had to share his bedroom now, because Noona's suspicion was already heightened, if she caught us in different rooms there'll be no amount of explanation to convince her.

But it'll make things more difficult, how could I avoid him without feeling guilty, and he's right. I was running, too afraid to trust him.

Because staying, admitting what I felt, risking my heart again after Chase had shattered it, that was the scariest thing I could imagine.

But watching Alex walk away, knowing I hurt him, knowing I was too broken to accept what he was offering, that was pretty terrifying too, especially since I'm the one who intruded in his once organized life.

My phone buzzed one more time.

Lilian: Seriously, are you okay? I feel something's off, You're scaring me.

I stared at the message for a long time before finally typing back.

Lily, what should I do if I'm too afraid to love him back?.