Chapter 70 The Unwilling Heart
‘Stop it, Alyssa,’ I snapped at my own reflection in the morning, making a miserable face, ‘You have a husband. A hero.’
The silence in our home that was once a sanctuary, was now a pressure that was disturbing my whole being.
Every time I looked at Vince, the man who had plucked me from the wreckage of my own life, I found a strong sting of pride, of smoothness.
I know my world exists in him, and him only.
Yet, like a splinter under the skin, Arden’s return remained.
He was gone for good, I didn’t want his shadow on my life. I wanted to forget how… desperate I used to be.
And to hide that, I was being overly devotional to Vince.
“Don’t- Let me.” I appeared and filled his glass of water during dinner.
He smiled, “Thank you.” He didn’t think much and continued eating.
At night, I held his arm too tightly, refusing to let him go.
“If you hold me so tightly, you might stop the flow of my blood, Alyssa.” He chuckled, holding his phone with the other hand, scrolling through random videos.
“Oh, sorry,”
I chuckled and shifted to his chest, closing my eyes to accept his warmth as the only source of solace.
I was becoming clingy, trailed by every step, desperate to ensure that the man who saved me was still tangible, still real, and still above all for me.
“You’re restless,” Vince murmured one evening when I was in his laps, hugging him with no intention of releasing while he was busy working on a file.
“What’s happening in that head of yours, hmmm?”
“Nothing,” I pressed my face into his shoulder, breathing in his scent to vanish all my tension, “Just… just happy to be here. With you.”
He chuckled, kissing my exposed neck, “Me too.”
I thought- believed that if I stayed with Vince, I would remove Arden’s return from my mind, that my days of immaturity will be erased.
But, it wasn’t as easy as it seemed.
Because of my misfortune, Vince had to leave for a business deal and I was behind him since, whining and pleading with him to not go.
“Why don’t you understand, Vince? Please stay, don’t go.”
“The deal is final,” his cold resonance came, devoid of the warmth he usually reserved for me.
“I have to be there in two hours.”
My heart raced at the thought of being alone. A cold dread pierced me. Shivering, I held his forearm, shaking my head in denial.
“Vince, please.”
“Alyssa, please.” Vince relaxed slowly, turning to me to kiss my knuckles for an assurance I didn’t need.
“Okay, I get it, I was wrong to leave you in my mother’s care last time but not this time. You are free and safe here, I promise.”
He thought I was worried about what happened last time.
How could I tell him it was… something else?
“No,” I whispered, wrapping my hands around him “Don't go. Please. It’s too late for business, Vince. Just… stay here. With me.”
He paused, looking down at me. His expression was unreadable, that practiced, impenetrable face of the powerful businessman began to fade.
“I need to go, I have to settle my work there, Alyssa. If I don't go, months of work will vanish. Please try to understand. Please?”
“I just… I have a bad feeling. Please, Vince. Don’t leave me alone tonight.”
He gently detached my fingers from his waist and held my hands, placing them over his heart, a smile beautiful enough to sway me.
“I’ll be back the moment I will be done, won’t waste a single heartbeat. How about that?”
He leaned in, kissing my forehead with an agonizing tenderness. My lips were parted to argue but I couldn’t be a wall nor a burden for my stupid thoughts either.
“...Okay. be back soon.” I whispered, placing my head on his chest.
“As you wish, Madam.” He chuckled, kissing the top of my head.
And then he was gone.
That night, I didn't sleep. I couldn't.
I wandered the house, the vast, empty rooms feeling like a haunted hallway, waiting to consume me.
I eventually ended up in the window sill of our room, pressing my forehead against the cold glass of the window, staring out at the city.
‘How could I tell you, Vince? The man you call your best friend was once my first love. Wh- What if I become desperate again?’
An unwanted moist collected in my eyes, clenching my heart to remember those stupid days I spent begging for his attention and this time too, due to my past, I was terrified.
‘What if I again see no one before Arden? No, no, no, only Vince exists for me. I will never, ever, think about another man. Not anymore.’
“Get out of my mind, dammit, Get out. Get out.” I mumbled, tapping my head on the glass.
But, how could I convince the heart that was already struck on the days—the way Arden used to be the only one I saw and admired.
The way he used to look at me before everything went wrong, the way he laughed when he was nervous, the gentleness.
The house was suffocatingly quiet, amplifying every heartbeat and before I realized, I was remembering old times.
I was fifteen, shivering in a thin cardigan, watching the basketball team run drills. But I wasn't looking at the game.
My eyes were locked on Arden, who stood near the sidelines, wiping sweat from his forehead with the hem of his jersey.
He was laughing at something a teammate said, his head thrown back, that silky hair catching sunlight.
I remembered the ache of it, the way my chest felt too tight, the way I memorized the exact cadence of his voice from twenty feet away, desperate for him to turn, to see me, to know I existed.
“Good luck, Arden!” I shouted from the bottom of my lungs, waving my hand vigorously at him.
He paused, turned to me and grinned, “Thanks!” He waved back before turning back to him.
And the worst part?
I stood for hours watching his game but when he was done, he was gone before I could offer him the bottle of water I was holding onto.
I shook my head, trying to dislodge the memory, to erase it from my whole existence.
“Stop it. Stop it.”
I hated the memory.
I hated that my mind kept drifting to a man who had left me to wither, while Vince, my noble hero, was out there risking everything for our future.
I looked down at the diamond bracelet on my wrist.
I was his. I had chosen him.