Chapter 90 Chapter 90
I rolled my eyes hard and accepted the fact that I wouldn’t be drinking alcohol or eating chips.
“So are you done now? Can you leave already so I can rest? I already helped you with your study about beer and chips,” I snapped at him. I closed the notebook—which I hadn’t even written anything in—and handed it back to him.
“Why does it seem like you know a lot about this? Are you an alcoholic, Doc. Jade?”
“And what if I am?” I snapped at him. I suddenly remembered the days when I drank alcohol so many times and drowned myself in it just to numb the pain. You really wouldn’t think I was a doctor.
“I just didn’t expect it. Though your demeanor often shows your strong personality, I didn’t expect that you drink too.”
“And what’s wrong with that?” I asked with a raised brow.
“Nothing. I just remembered something. It’s the same feeling when I saw you that day, crying in the storage room. You’re one of the doctors admired at St. Aveline. You had just passed the board exam, yet you were immediately hired at the hospital and became an assistant surgeon. That’s why I was so shocked when I saw you crying…”
My expression went blank. That was one of the memories I never wanted to remember again. My chest only tightens, and I end up asking myself if I even deserve to keep living in this world. That was one of the reasons why I always drank alcohol.
“I don’t want to talk about that anymore, Doc. Jeggo. If you’re done, you can leave now. I’m going to rest,” I said coldly.
“But it wasn’t your fault, Doc. Jade. We don’t control the lives of our patients.”
I stood up when he brought it up again. My teeth clenched as I spoke to him. I didn’t expect to snap and shout at him.
“Don’t wash my hands clean, Doc. Jeggo! I know what I did! I know my sin! I shouldn’t have interfered!”
“But the hospital needed you at that time! I sided with you when that happened, Doc. Jade! I fought for you because I believed you only wanted to help! And even now, the hospital needs you! People like you deserve to be there. When will you forgive yourself? You did nothing wrong!”
I let out a sharp breath. In an instant, everything became clear to me. “Ahhh… is that why you’re here? You want me to go back to St. Aveline? Is that why you’re helping me, Doc. Jeggo? We both know I will never go back there! I’m no longer worthy of that place because I killed someone! I’m a doctor who was trusted to help a patient, but what did I do? With my own hands, that woman died! And what’s worse, I didn’t just kill one person, Doc. Jeggo! She was pregnant… I killed her baby too…”
Tears streamed down my cheeks. I couldn’t stop myself from collapsing to my knees on the floor as everything that happened became vivid in my memory.
“I shouldn’t have acted like I knew better…” I said between sobs.
“I’m so selfish… because I try to join medical missions… just to get rid of the guilt in my heart, but no matter what I do, I still can’t remove from myself the fact that I’m a murderer… that I’m a bad person. So maybe I’m just paying for my sins now. The problems I have right now—I deserve them. That’s why I don’t tell anyone. I want to keep it to myself because I’m the only one responsible for this. I’m the only one who needs to suffer. Just me, Doc. Jeggo.”
What time is it already? Why is the traffic so bad? Wait—was there an accident up ahead?
I IMMEDIATELY got out of my car and ran as fast as I could. My suspicion was right—there had been a collision ahead. I quickly approached them and was shocked to see a bloodied woman in the driver’s seat. And she wasn’t just a woman—she was pregnant!
“Have you already called an ambulance?!” I shouted at the bystanders who were watching.
“Yes, ma’am! We also called the police! The one who hit her ran away!”
I could only shake my head and assess the patient’s overall condition.
“Miss? Can you hear me? Miss, my name is Jade. I’m a doctor. Don’t worry, the ambulance is on the way. We’ll take you to the nearest hospital, St. Aveline.”
She looked at me. Thank God, she was conscious, but I could see how shocked she was.
“I’m about to give birth. Take me to the hospital… please…”
“Yes, yes. They’re close. The ambulance is coming,” I repeated while checking for other injuries aside from her head, which had hit the steering wheel.