Chapter 179 Holding On To The Happiness

Chapter 179 Holding On To The Happiness
Rain

Currently, I am looking down at the face of my newborn son. He looks so much like Sade and his siblings. Evidently, Sade’s genes will greatly overpower mine in any children we have. Sade is propped up on the side of the bed just watching us. I’m tired; we just got to our room. So, this is really the first quiet moment we’ve had. 

Sade was amazing. He was right there the whole time, taking care of me, taking care of the kids, and making sure I had everything I needed. When my back hurt with my contractions, he rubbed it. He rubbed my feet and helped me relax. He would lie behind me in the bed and just stroke his fingers through my hair, telling me how much he loved me. 

When I was in pain, he was right there and helping to make sure I got what I needed. I was very happy when I got an epidural, but he never left my side. I look up at him and see the way he’s watching me, and he is watching me, not our son, but me. That is a rather common thing. He watches our children and loves our children, but I have noticed his focus is always on me. He says it always has been when I ask him about it. 

It’s interesting with such intense focus on me. In some ways, it’s unnerving knowing someone is watching you that closely. Then at other times, with the way he looks at me, it takes my breath away.

After the party, I had thought a lot about what we talked about. In the long run, I decided it didn’t honestly matter. I didn’t feel strongly enough about it all to let it strip me and my kids of our current happiness.

We were married, had been for a while, even though I couldn’t remember it. We now had three beautiful children. He loved me, no doubt about that. He took care of me and made sure none of us ever wanted for anything. He was a very hands-on dad and never left everything up to me. The way he made love to me rocked my world quite often and was somewhat addictive, if I’m being honest. 

Now, granted, if we no longer had the money, things would still be awesome, I think. However, I’m not going to lie and say it wasn’t nice that we were able to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted to do it. We could afford to take the kids to amazing places and have spectacular family vacations that I was excited to plan at some point. I was able to spoil my kids, although I was determined to make sure they were not the bad type of spoiled in any way. 

I still thought about all of that missing time. There were some days where I really wished I could remember. From what Sade and others have told me, we had really good memories. Nothing has made any difference on that front, however, and for the most part I just content myself with making wonderful memories now. If things return, then I’ll deal with that when they do. Doesn’t really help anything to stress over it. 

I have been in talks with three different galleries. They each have a different aesthetic around them, so each is more interested in different areas of my paintings. One of them just wants the portraits I am willing to have sold. I have told them I will never part with any of the paintings of family members, only general portraits and nothing else. The only exception I have made is that first one I painted after I got home. Although it is reminiscent of my mom’s and my time before she remarried, it’s not an exact portrait. The faces in the picture are not hers or mine, so I felt it was okay. 

The other two are more wanting the modern and edgier pieces. I have fewer of those, but I have found myself painting more over the last couple of months. I have some that I think in some ways resemble Sade, but it’s not him exactly. These, however, are cloaked in darkness and have almost a sinister vibe, and I have no idea where that comes from. Although Sade himself says he likes them. I guess in the long run it doesn’t matter. 

They all know I am taking a hiatus to take care of my new baby, so I won’t be putting out anything new for a bit. We have sold a couple of pieces already, and I was really surprised. Sade just smiled and told me the whole ‘I told you so’ thing. He was rewarded with a pillow to his face.

Sade has talked about wanting a house full of kids. I told him to hold his horses and let me deal with this one before he got any crazy ideas. He just grinned at me, and I have a feeling he is plotting something. If we have any more, we are seriously going to have to move to a bigger house. I mean, our house is huge, but we have a lot of non-bedrooms, which doesn’t really work for kids, honestly. I thought mentioning that might deter him, but the only thing he did was smile and nod his head. I am expecting him to start showing me possible new houses any day now.  

When the baby starts to root around, I work on trying to get him latched so I can feed him. There is a learning curve to this, and I had hoped that since I had done it before, I would just immediately get it. However, I am discovering that I don’t remember, so I feel like I am learning. 

“I love watching you do that, always have.” I smile and look up at my husband as he watches us. 

He tilts his head. “Do you still like the name we picked out?” I look down at the baby and think about that. 

“Yes, I still like the one we picked out, so Roman Nicolo Russo is what it should be.” He smiles and nods his head. 

I just watch him. He may be a mafia man, and perhaps even a dangerous one. He’s also the man who loves me like nothing else, and he makes me exceedingly happy. He’s a good father as well. So, I don’t really care about the little details at this point. If my memory ever comes back, we’ll just incorporate that into our current happiness and adjust. I can’t see it ever really making a difference anyway. That may change someday, but right now, I’ll hang on to the happiness for all that I’m worth. 

The End??