186: Frozen Time

186: Frozen Time
\[Cordelia\]

Primus.

He was dead to me for so long that it feels strange to see him alive. Not just alive, thriving, laughing, and full of love.

And yet, it also feels like it could have been like this forever--a happy family. Royal, yes, but otherwise normal. Seeing moments like these makes me wonder what it might have been like between us had we been born at a different time, when our people weren't at odds. Would we have been introduced at a ball or through some other arrangement? Would we have known we were mates from the first time we danced?

I've never seen Primus this content. If I could freeze time, I would leave us at this moment, a mother and a father rocking their babies to sleep, placing them one by one in bed, kissing each little forehead before leaving them to their rest. I wish we could say here like this, far away from all our troubles on the surface, free of the responsibilities of rulership and war.

I place a hand on his back as he sets two more of our younglings next to their siblings in our nest of pillows. "We should name them tonight," Primus suggests as he pulls me in tighter. "They should know who they are, as should everyone else."

I snuggle into his embrace. Wrapped in his warmth I can almost forget we spent the last few months in a dream, and before that, a living nightmare.

"We don't know what might happen tomorrow," he reminds me, not that he needs to. I am also aware that we have so much more to struggle against before our family can have any peace.

I want to fall asleep in Primus' arms, but as parents of younglings know, it isn't possible until all the littles are down in their nest, and our two smallest, the twins, seem to resist every attempt we've tried to calm them. They seem to be perpetually energetic, constantly in motion. I'm sure they'll be non-stop talkers once they know more words. Dear gods, I don't remember ever having half as much energy as they do.

As we watch them race around the edges of the room chasing one another, I feel an overwhelming wave of exhaustion. I am tempted to grab them and tie them to the bed.

Our little drake is chasing his sister around the room's edges, trying to grasp her tail. Laughing she seems always just a bit out of his reach. His pale cheeks are puffing out as he whimpers, making sweet meowing noises in response to her laughter. But then he'll pass through a shadow and come out the other end looking completely refreshed.

It was...strange.

But no matter how rested he returns, just as he is about to catch her, she'll leap forward and her leaps will stretch a bit further than should be possible. Either she's very agile or something else is going on.

I watch for a few minutes more before drawing my mate's attention to the scene.

"Primus, watch our daughter," I point at the pair. "Tell me what you see when she jumps over that pillow."

We both watch the pair racing and then, again, just as her brother is about to catch her, our little one leaps over the pillow and is suddenly a few feet further away.

"Is it just me or is she vanishing and reappearing?"

We watch as they zoom around one more time. When it happens again, the blink between where she starts and where she ends is greater, and far more noticeable.

"She's phasing," he confirms, his mouth open in surprise. "She did not get that from my side of the family," he laughs.

"She moves like a moon dragon," I confirm as we both continue to watch them play. Thalan was right, these two egg twins are special. "Thalan thinks they can both jump, but I have another theory," I point at a shadowed corner of the room. "Watch the shadows in that corner as our son crosses through." 

We both watch as the shadows grow darker as he passes through, following him as if seeking a deeper attachment. When he emerges a moment later, the shadows still cling to him for a moment, leaving behind a little boy who looks more energized and awake, his body rushing forth with a burst of speed.

"Shadow?" I ask in question, proposing a possible name.

"Nox," Primus replies. "That child is midnight incarnate."

We watch them for a few minutes more and are surprised when Nox moves his arm and the shadows move with him. Using the shadows, he traps his sister, claiming her tail as his prize.

She yelps, and a spark of something bright blinds him. He falls over and she blows a raspberry in victory.

"They remind me of Ona and myself as younglings," he laughs. "She was always trying to show me who's boss."

"She reminds me of Ona too," I grin. "All brains and spunk. She's like a shooting star. Moonlight and fire," I laugh. "What do you think, My Love? Nova for our little starburst?"

The two start to wrestle and we pull them apart. I take Nox, and Primus takes Nova, and in our arms they slowly sink into sleep, their sweet bodies relaxing completely, safe in the loving arms of their parents. As soon as their little bodies shake with quiet snores we set them down on opposite sides of the nest, near their siblings.

But as soon as our hands leave their warm bodies, Nova blinks, and she's snuggled up to her brother's back, wrapping her arms around him protectively. He starts to purr.

"Those two are going to be trouble," Primus smiles. "I can just see how they'll terrorize the palace staff."

Palace. Suddenly I am hit with a wave of nostalgic homesickness for our castle by the water. "We aren't returning to Ridgewood, are we?"

His face falls. "Not if I'm to be King. I'm sorry Cordelia."

I nod, understanding. "How are we going to make this work?" I walk into his arms and he holds me close to his heart. "According to Thalan, I'm the rightful Sun Queen. I might be expected to take the throne in the Southern Continent."

Primus stills. "Technically the Southern Sun Kingdom is a colony of Luxandra. By taking my side as my queen, you will solidify that connection."

"What if I don't want Luxandra to rule the Sun Kingdom,"  I take a step away from him. "What if I want Solara to be free? As their queen, I should be looking after the best interests of my people, and having them under Luxandran rule lead to death and enslavement," my heart is beating rapidly as I watch a wave of contradicting emotions cross Primus' face. "Your father killed my mother, my grandparents, all of my cousins," gasping, I choke on tears. "Because of Luxandra, my family is gone."

"But you are Queen of Luxandra," he stands firm. "My wife, my mate."

"And I am also the Sister Queen of the Celestials," I remind him. "And the Solar Queen," I laugh. "I have more titles than I need. Which one should I choose?"

It is hard for me to keep my voice calm and low as my heart races with the reality of my situation.

"You belong with me," Primus insists. "We can figure out what that means later."

"Do you think the world will let us wait until later?" I counter. "Everything is falling apart. The capital city burned, Undersea has been mostly destroyed, and the countryside is plagued with rebels. My nation is in shambles and my father is lost to the wilderness."

"Carnelia," he reaches forward to calm me but I pull away.

"What are we going to do, Primus?" I scoff. "Would you be happy as my consort, ruling the Solar court by my side, giving up your claim to Luxandra?"

"Of course not, I'm the king and you're..."

"Just your mate, right? Your queen? The thing is," I turn my back to him. "I've been a queen this entire time. Just because you rescued me from squalor doesn't mean you control my destiny or determine my worth."

"Carnelia, let's not argue, please," Primus takes a step forward. "I'm not implying any of that. I just think that we need a bit more time to think. The answers will become clear, I'm sure of it. I...I don't want us to become like my parents."

I turn to see him reaching out to me, his eyes full of love and grief. His parent's marriage lasted less than a century. Cressida tried to be Luxandra's queen, but after hatching her first clutch, she returned to the skies. In the end they died alone and apart, ruling their nations separately.

They forgot what it was to be in love.

I never want to forget what it feels like to be loved by Primus. But I also can't let my love for him determine the future of my people, people who have been abandoned and abused for far too long.

"I'm sorry Primus," I take another step towards the door. "I need space and time to think. I...I don't know what I want to do yet, but I want to make sure that I make the right decision."

"Please, Cordelia," his voice is small. "Please don't leave me."

Looking over my shoulder one last time, I meet Primus' gaze. His eyes are wavering with emotion, full of barely restrained tears.

"I will always love you, Primus," I try to smile, "Goodnight. I'll find you in the morning."

As the door closes behind me, I see Thalan waiting at the end of the hallway.

"Come," he motions. "We have a lot to discuss."

Leaving my family behind, I follow him into the shadows.