miss you

ASTRID’S P.O.V

I paced the ward thinking everything I said earlier.

‘I confessed. My fucked up feeling finally came out of my mouth. I liked Orion. Or at least some parts of him. ‘He lied, what if the parts of him that I even like is not even real?’ I had thought it over and over again that I was starting to have headache.

I sighed, grabbing a sit to get my thoughts together. These white walls were starting to fuck with my mind.

“Talk with Orion” I thought out loud as the words floated around in my mind. The thought of it alone sent my heart into a frenzy and not in a good way.

I had nothing to say to him, I did not even think I could be in the same room as him after what happened. ‘What if things went south again?’ I shook that thought off my mind.

‘I definitely did not wish to think about that right now.’ I sighed. I looked to the ceiling, already giving up on the thought of quieting my mind. ‘What if things go south, what do I do then? I was in no way ready for anything that came with the acceptance of the bond, not yet at least.

‘Did I even love him?’ I thought, shaking my head for even asking such a question. ‘Of course I did not. Or did i?’ a voice whispered at the back of my head, confusing me further

“I noticed you were moving better earlier.” Karin said, startling me a bit.

“you.. you are here” I said, feeling a bit startled

“yes, I wanted to see that you are properly settled in for the night” she said, looking at me with a smile.

“th..thank you” I said, looking at her awkwardly.

“you know, you can use the green house, the scenery is beautiful you know” I nodded. “and you can use your feet more, the more you walk or things like that, the more you heal better.” I nodded, looking at her, still not saying anything. “I could give you some dance moves you know, they would be very helpful, not just for when you…” she looked at me suggestively, wiggling her brows.

I shook my head, deciding not to read meaning to her words even though her body language said otherwise. “I am not much of a dancer, and I do not wish to start to learn that now” I said, shaking my head at him.

“fine then, no rush, I would be here to teach you if you ever change your mind” she smiled. “we would be land on the homeland soon” she said, causing my breath to hitch.

“home …land?” my heart started to palpitate.

“don’t worry, I would make sure that it has nothing to do with you. I would keep to our deal. If it does not work out, I would personally take you back, you don’t have to worry.” She said, but that did not in any way calm my racing heart.

“but if it works out? What then? Does that mean I would have to stay there? With you? With your kind?” the panic in my voice rose with each statement.

“is something wrong with that?” she chuckled. “I am starting to feel insulted now” she said without malice in her voice.

“I don’t think you understand, you want to leave me alone, with YOUR kind, YOUR people, with me, a prey in your midst.

“I can assure you, it is not that deep” she said, making me to almost snort. “but oh well, I would not push you to do what you don’t want to do. We can wait a while till the deal has been finalized and then we can talk from there.” She said, looking at me in a reassuring way.

I nodded, not expecting that she would actually give in. “good night then” she said, making her way to leave.

“wait…” I bit my lips, hating that the thought even crossed my mind.

“yes, Astrid?” she knows what I am about to ask, she is mocking me, isn’t she?’ I thought, although it could have just been my paranoia. “you wanted to ask me something?” she prompted when she saw that I was not saying anything.

I bit my lips, contemplating whether or not I should ask the question that had been bugging my mind.

“well then, good night Astrid, I have had a long day myself” she said, walking out the door.

“how is Orion!” i rushed out immediately, before she closed the door completely.

“well” her smile looked like she was hiding an ulterior motive. “I was wondering if you were going to ask about him. So you do actually care” she said, opening the door wider and coming inside.

“it is fine, I just have not seen him come around, I did not mean anything by asking, you don’t have to tell me” I hated how I was making a fool out of myself and even more, I hated the fact that she just sat there and watched instead of cutting me off. “I think it is late now, good night, thank you for your company.

I said, dismissing her. “Orion is fine, he is licking his wounds”

“what? I thought he said he was healing nicely and there was no need for alarm and…”

“look at you” her smile grew wider.

The way she smiled reminded me of Caelum.

“and you say you don’t care about him” she called me out, making my cheeks to turn pink for blushing. “my brother Is fine, physically, he just needs to nurse the wounds of heart break for a while. I’ve got to hand it to you, you are the first person that has ever rejected my brother and actually lived” she looked at me, somewhat amused, as though just realizing. “but don’t worry, he would live.

I had come to realize something between the sibling, they always tend to downplay issues, or make it ‘not a big deal.

“how is he doing really?” I asked again, hoping for a direct answer.

“as I said, he would be fine” even with how our last encounter was, I could not help but feel bad for him. I was the cause of his pain. Was it that bad?

Was this really a good idea? I thought, looking at her. I did not have the time to think it through, when the words “take me to him” fell out of my lips.