Chapter 46—Tristan

I only left her when I was sure she was okay, and I made sure I had a man watching the house. Just outside. Not inside because I didn’t want to disturb the air of freedom Isabella spoke of.

I’ll be back later to help her pack what she wants, and we’ll head back to L.A. in a few days.

I’m on my way back to the house we rented. We had some casualties on our side but nothing close to what Mortimer and his men suffered.

Our main people got out alive. What a fucking battle, though. These past years have seen us in battles that were life or death.

The ones where you know if you make it out once, you hope to never experience anything like it again. Having it happen twice and making it out again changes you.

I saw how my brothers had my back, and I feel that trust is restored between us.

I don’t know what will happen next, but I know I have to be on the lookout for it.

One thing I promised myself, though, is that I’m not going to spend my days consumed with rage and allow life to pass me by. I’m not going to spend every waking hour thinking of revenge the way I have for the last six years.

I won’t do that to myself because things have changed for me, and I’m about to be a father. I won’t allow myself to take anything from my girl and my kid, and that means stealing happiness.

I’ll be ready for what comes next, but what I do from here on will define me.

I want a chance at happiness, too, and I want that light I promised Isabella. More than anything, I want it with her.

I walk into the house, and Massimo rushes down the stairs. There’s a panic in his eyes that tells me something else is going on. Instantly I think of Candace.

“What’s happened? Is Candace okay?”

“Yeah, Candace is fine…” He runs a hand over his beard and glances over at the window. When he looks at me again, the panic turns to sadness.

“What’s going on, Massimo?”

“Dominic’s gone,” he answers, and my chest tightens.

“No. What? Maybe he…” I can’t think of what to say. My brain scrabbles in a gamut of confusion because Dominic wouldn’t just leave like that. “Massimo, he wouldn’t do that.”

“He has. He left me this,” he says, holding up a little note. “He left one for you too in the bedroom. I woke up and found mine next to my pillow. I’ve been looking around for him ever since. Looks like he must have left in the early hours of the morning.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“Tristan, you had other important things to tend to, and I knew… I wasn’t going to find him. I’ve never lived a day without knowing where you guys are. All I can do is hope he comes back soon and that wherever he is, he’ll be okay.” He rests a heavy hand on my shoulder and gives me an uneasy smile. “Go read your letter. You should read it.”

I walk up the stairs with a heavy heart, and I see the letter on the nightstand.

It’s sitting there just waiting for me.

I pick it up and open it, hoping it will give me some clue as to where Dominic has gone.

It says:

Dear Tristan, I know you’re gonna lose your shit when you read this and discover I’m gone.

I know you’ll blame yourself at times for not being able to help me, and I know you’ll be the one who goes looking for me.

Of anybody I’ve ever met, you are the most determined person I’ve ever known in my life. You never give up even when it looks like there’s no hope. You also never lose that fight inside you to go after what you want.

That’s why I know it will be you who will try the most to find me.

I’m going to ask you a favor. I don’t want you to look for me. I want you to focus on your new family. Congratulations on the wonderful news of your baby.

It’s the best news we’ve had in our family for years, and it couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person. I also couldn’t have been happier to see you with someone as pure as Isabella. When she looks at you, I can see that she loves you.

I want you to focus on that.

I need a break for a while. I need to be able to find myself and fix myself. Until I do that, I don’t think I can be the Dominic you guys need. I don’t think I can help you the way you need to be helped.

I’m no good to you the way I am. I’m no good to anyone with this addiction.

Words can’t describe how ashamed I am of myself for what I did to Candace and to you. We aren’t the kind of brothers who pull guns on each other.

We’re the kind who have each other’s backs. During the last few weeks, there were several times when I did not have your back, and you shouldn’t have had to worry about me at any point.

I’m truly sorry for that.

I don’t know how long I’ll be away, but I need to go.

So this is me checking out for a while.

Be safe.

Love Dominic.

I gaze out the window, feeling that hollow inside me. He’s right that I would be the one to go looking for him. That’s exactly what I feel like doing now—looking.

He asked me not to.

How must I?

He’s my kid brother.

Candace is awake and propped up on a stack of pillows. She’s still attached to tubes, but the color has come back to her cheeks.

Massimo was here a little before me. She’s still under keen observation, and we’re still being cautioned not to overwhelm her.

She offers me a kind smile when I approach, but her eyes are filled with sadness.

I’m sure she knows about Dominic.

“Hello there,” she greets me.

“Buonasera, Principessa,” I reply, and she smiles.

“You always know how to make a girl feel like a princess even when she’s lying in a hospital bed looking like hell.”

“You don’t look like hell.”

“Liar, I caught a glimpse of my hair. Even rats have better places to sleep.” She giggles.

It’s tangled and not neat the way she normally has it, but it’s nowhere near as bad as what she thinks.

“I’ll get a brush from the nurses and sort it out for you.”

“You’ll brush my hair?” She starts to laugh. Her laughter is weak, but it’s such a good sound I feel like telling her one of my stupid jokes of the past.

It doesn’t feel like the time to joke, though, far from it. I look at her, and I just nod and smile.

I know Candace in this condition, and what could have happened to her is what pushed Dominic to leave.

He’s ashamed of himself for doing this to her.

“Thank you in advance,” she mutters, and I reach for her hand.

As we stare at each other, the seriousness fills the space between us.

“Dominic told me he was going to do it,” she says, and her eyes become glassy. “He said he was going to leave.”

As she says that, I remember what she said when she first woke from the coma. She looked at Dominic and said, don’t leave.

Although it struck me weird, that was the first thing she said to him. I thought she just meant not to leave that day, that moment.

“When did he tell you?” I ask, eager to know.

“While I was unconscious. I sensed you guys, and there were moments when I could hear you. He spoke to me.” She nods. “The first thing he asked me is if I would allow him to talk. He didn’t want the sound of his voice to upset me. He said he was sorry for what he did to me, that he loved me and that he felt the only way he could find himself is by leaving.”

“He said all that?”

“Yes. Yesterday when I woke up there was a letter. It seems like I was his last stop.” She points over to the little table in the corner with a letter.

I release her hand and take a seat next to her.

“I got a letter too. He asked me not to look for him. I don’t know how I’m supposed to honor that. Where the hell did he go?”

“Tristan, there’s going to be several reasons why Dominic asked you not to look for him, but I’m guessing there’s one you didn’t think of,” she points out.

“What?”

“You won’t find him. He told you not to look because you won’t find him. You underestimate what he can do sometimes. He’s the kind of person who can just disappear if he wants and go completely off the grid.”

All I can do is stare back at her knowing she couldn’t be more right. There have been several times in my life when I thought of Dominic as a genius. The man who could make miracles happen and do the impossible. He’s doing it again now, just for himself.

Fuck. I’m not gonna find him.

“No one will be able to find him until he’s ready,” she adds. “And I have the feeling we’re not gonna see him for a very long time. He wouldn’t do all of this if it were just for a few months. I could see something like this happening. It was there on the horizon, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was I thought he’d do. I also didn’t expect to end up in a hospital bed with a bullet wound close to my heart.”

I bring my hand to my head. “Candace, I’m so sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize. I can’t pretend I’m okay with it. I’m not. I’m here, and I hate hospitals. It’s making me anxious just knowing I’m here, but I know it was an accident, Tristan. I know it was an accident. Dominic never even aimed the gun at me. The cops were here the same day I woke up, and I told them the same. I’m not pressing charges or anything. Dominic spoke to them too. I think before you left. I don’t know what was discussed, but he didn’t want to make it look like he was fleeing from trouble or trying to avoid jail time.”

“Candace, I don’t want to play devil’s advocate here, but you were shot. That can’t just go unpunished no matter how sorry he is.”

“I know what you’re saying. I do, and I know if I didn’t drop the charges, he would have felt the same and served whatever punishment he needed to make it right by me. It’s enough, and that’s why I accept his apology.” A tear runs down her cheek. “Tristan, I’m tempted to press charges so I can have the cops look for him for me. I lie here talking to you like I’m calm, and I understand why he left, and I do. I get it. But that doesn’t mean I wanted him to go. In my letter, he told me not to wait for him, so I’m not.”

I couldn’t be more surprised to hear that. It means she really thinks Dominic won’t be back any time soon. The thought weakens me further, and I realize I’m at a loss here.

“You aren’t?”

“No. I can’t,” she answers. “I’ve loved him my whole life, and this disappearing act is one we’re not supposed to have answers to. He wrote us letters as a parting gift. Something that wouldn’t make us hold out on seeing him soon. I can’t live the rest of my life waiting and wondering when he’s going to come back. Neither should you.”

I nod my agreement, although worry still grips me. “I guess I can’t.”

She reaches for my hand again and gives me a little smile. “Live, Tristan. Be alive. Be a person and love. I watched you crumble when Alyssa died. It was like you died too. You only came back to us when you met Isabella. Treasure that.”

“I plan to.”

She gives my hand a gentle squeeze, and her smile widens. It doesn’t reach her eyes, though, like it usually does, so I know she’s hurting. I know she’s deeply sad that Dominic is gone.

I brush her hair and spend another hour with her, then I head home to Isabella.

I find her in the living room, going through her stuff. We arranged for her things to be transported here yesterday. Looks like everything is here.

She didn’t take much. It was a few boxes of her books, films, and her clothes.

“Hey, you were supposed to wait for me to do that,” I tease.

“I thought I’d get a head start.”

“I don’t want you lifting anything,” I walk over to her, passing the boxes and give her one kiss on the lips for her and a kiss on her tiny stomach for the baby.

She laughs when I do that.

“You are so cute. I don’t have a bump yet.”

“Cute, Bellezza, don’t let anybody hear you say that,” I chuckle. “I’ll be kissing my girl and my kid every chance I get, so you better get used to it.”

“I love you,” she says, words I want to hear over and over again.

It will mean even more with the plans I have up my sleeve. I can’t do anything about things I can’t control. I hope, too, that wherever Dominic is, he’s safe, and he’ll be back soon.

Until then, my focus is on making this woman mine.

“I love you too.”