Chapter 33 Battles Between Heart and Mind
“Heyy! What are you up to right now?” I asked, anxiety clawing at my throat. Did I sound normal?
“About to have dinner with my mom? What’s up?” Cindy’s reply was cool and collected. The opposite of how I felt.
“Can I come over? I need to talk to someone.” I tried to hide the plea in my voice, but I know I failed.
“It shouldn’t be a problem, let me double check.” Cindy happy response gave me hope.
I could hear Cindy put the phone down as it clanked on the counter. I could hear voices speaking in the background. A moment later, movement sounded.
“Yeah, it’s not a problem. Are you okay?” Concern laced her tone. It made me wonder what I must sound like. I thought I calmed down enough to call.
“Physically yes, mentally no. I just overheard some things, and I don’t know how to process them.” I told her the truth. The truth was easy with her. It still scared me, though.
“You are welcome to come over now. Is it about….”
“Not over the phone.” I cut her off abruptly.
“Oh sorry. I didn’t mean to…” She sounded so hurt. I didn’t like making my only friend feel bad.
“It’s okay,” God, I felt like a dick, “it’s something personal and sensitive, and I don’t want to talk about it out in public, it’s something I want to privately discuss.” I explain, and I hope she understands.
Cindy seemed to cheer up after I explained. I hated making my only friend feel bad. It still shocked me how quickly she and I clicked. It was nice to have a real friend, because she was a real friend. She supported me when she didn’t have to and was very accepting when she found out who I was really.
She told me where she lived, and I wasn’t too far off from her home. While moving quickly, I also made sure no one was following me. I turned my phone off and tossed it into my bag as I made the last few streets to her house. I stopped and shook my head for a moment because I was so paranoid right now.
I felt crazy. If what I overheard is true. Everything was a lie. Everything I was taught growing up was a lie. My life and what I stood for were based on lies. No, Ezra told me he was a villain. Villains don’t do good things. They do bad things. Maybe they are the ones lying to advance their cause and cause chaos. My heart broke at that thought. If that was true, then I fell for a villain. I still wanted to believe him. So what kind of person did that make me?
My heart and head wage war. Even as I approached Cindy’s doorstep. Brushing tears from my face, I knocked. I was a mess. I hoped I didn’t look like the mess I felt. From the distorted reflection in the glass on the door, I looked just as bad as I felt.
An older lady opened the door. Her smile dropped as she looked at the hot mess of a girl who stood in front of her.
“Hi… I’m looking for Cindy?” I was worried I knocked on the wrong door.
“Yes she is. I’m sorry, hunny, are you okay?” Worry took shape on her face. God, how bad did I look?
“Oh yes, I just need some girl time.” I gave as honest an answer as I could give
“Are you….?” Cindy’s mom looked like she was struggling to figure out the right thing to ask or say to me.
“It’s okay mom. Just guy trouble.” Cindy pushed herself through to grab me and pull me to her side. “We are going up to my room to chat.”
“Okay, let me know if you need anything. Dinner will be done soon. I have a place for you, friend.” Cindy’s mom called out as I was pulled away and up the stairs to Cindy’s room.
“Damn, you look like shit.” She told me once we were out of earshot of her mom.
“Yeah, I don’t feel any better than I look,” I admitted. Defeat in my tone. What has my life become?
“Hold on, let me shut the door, and we can talk,” Cindy points to me to sit on a purple bean bag chair. I do as I am told. I watch her shut the door and place an ear on the door. Once satisfied, she moves back over to me and hands me a water. “Making sure mom didn’t follow through with eavesdropping.” She winks at me. Cindy moves and sits on her bed. “So what's up?” Cindy asks.
“I don't even know where to begin.” I stare down at the empty bottle of water.
“Wherever you need to.” Cindy tells me as she waits patiently for me to be ready.
After a moment, I began. “I think some people are after me, and I thought they might be after Ezra because of all the alone time with him. Although I went to rescue him, it was clear he didn't need saving. I ended up overhearing things I shouldn’t have, about my parents, that is sooooooo bad and I don't know if they are true or not. I don’t know what to think.”
“Who is after you? And what's so bad about what was said about your parents? They are superheroes right?”
“Yes. Lady Rose and General Storm.” Cindy’s eyes went wide at that but didn’t say anything. “Honestly, I don’t know who is after me or what they could want. I don’t let them get close to me.”
“Why?” Cindy asked, head tilted.
“Because if they do, what if they try to get me to go back to my parents? What if they report to them? And my chance at a normal life is over?” Was that what scared me? Or was it the question I now had about them scared me.
“What's wrong with not having a normal life? And you still haven’t explained the parent thing.” Cindy asks.
“I don’t have powers. So what's the point in learning to be a hero? Plus, if what Ezra said was true. My whole life is a lie, and everything I thought was good is actually evil.” I felt the burn of tears.
“What do you mean?” Cindy was clearly confused.
“Ezra said parents are not heroes. They are Villains! They are the cause of the mutants.” I let the information that shattered my world implode again. It took a minute for Cindy to collect herself before asking the same thing I wondered.
“What! Why would you say that?”
“I didn't, Ezra’s little group did,” I answer.
“What makes you believe him over your parents?” Cindy pushed. Why did I believe him? Why did I want to believe him? I mulled it over. I looked at Cindy before admitting what he has done for me.
“He killed someone to protect me. My parents would never.” I let the cold, hard truth about that sit heavy in the air.
“What?” Cindy looked at me, waiting for the punch line. There was none.
“I know..... what do I do?” I felt so defeated, and I didn’t know how to handle that.
“That is a tough one. Is there any way to investigate? Like find out what he said about your parents? Can you even talk to them about this?” CIndy asked.
“I don't know.... They should think I am dead, but I am not so sure if they do or not.” I admit. I still wondered if they were the ones who hired the people who followed me. Still, I doubt it. They would have hired professionals. Not amateurs.
“It might need to be a risk you need to take. If this is something you can’t live without knowing the truth about or understand why.” Cindy pointed out.
“I don’t know....” She had a point, but was it worth the risk?
“It’s okay, you don’t have to know right now. Take a moment and chill. Want me to pop in a video, and we can just let our brains rot for a bit?” Cindy asked in her warm and welcoming way of hers.
“Yeah, that sounds good. Thank you, Cindy. You are a great friend, and I am grateful to have met you.” I tell her honestly.
Dinner was a little awkward. But letting my brain rot a bit, not thinking, and spiralling was what I needed to recharge. I had to decide what I needed to do. Do I pretend I never heard what I did? Should I question Ezra? Besides killing someone, what did he owe me? Nothing. The biggest question was, can I live with myself if I don’t at least look into what was said about my parents? I could ask him, but how do I know what he says is the truth? I needed to investigate it myself. To investigate it myself, I risk revealing myself. Was I ready for that?
“You good?” Cindy asked. After I was quiet for a long time.
“Yeah, just thinking.” I admitted. I think I know what I needed to do.
“Thinking about...?: Cindy asked head tilted.
“Oh, just world peace. Jk. I was thinking about what I should do….” I admitted after my terrible joke.
“Want to talk through it?” Cindy asked.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You know, talk to me about your thoughts. Sometimes hearing it out loud will help clear things up. Especially now, the emotions seem to have settled.” Cindy suggested. What was there to lose. She pretty much already knew everything.
“Okay…. Where do I start?” I asked her.
“Anywhere you want, just try.” Cindy smile warmly at me.
“Okay… I don't want to risk myself, but I think it's my only option I can live with.” I tell her.
“Why is that?” She questions me to help me along.
“Well… between my parents and Ezra, both have biases to their own views…. and if what I found out from Ezra’s group, my parents have tainted many sources to twist them to their own view of things. If I don’t do my own research and come to my own conclusions, I will always wonder. If the person or people I based my decision on were not biased for greedy reasons.”
“So? You made your choice.” Cindy asked.
“Yeah… yeah, I have.” I began to feel confident in my decision.
“Okay!!! Let me get us some more snacks and drinks, and let’s fire up a plan of attack!” Cindy jumped up and ran out the door.