25- All about thinking

Same date.

Same world: World I.

Tonight I feel very strange. Dakota fell asleep on my shoulder, as if her energy had vanished as soon as we got on the bus back. Tomorrow she'll be able to sleep in, but I have to be at work by 7:30 in the morning or I'll be unemployed.

We were at Theo's for a few hours before deciding to leave. At this point, I don't know what kind of game I'm playing because Faven, even without being here, is making us wander through the city. Did he think we had a lot of free time or something?

Dakota asked to stay at my place. She didn't want to tell me why when I asked, but I decided not to insist. Maybe it was uncomfortable for her to arrive at this time of night because at this rate, we'll reach my house at nine. I don't know. I don't care. I just want to go to sleep.

I hear updates on the radio about the presidential elections. I take a deep breath. The few people in this transport unit remain silent. I'm thankful for that. But I don't want to listen to politics right before going to sleep. So I spend the rest of the journey listening to music.

"Dakota…" I lightly push her shoulder. We have five minutes left until my stop. "Hey, Dakota…" I nudge her a bit.

"What? Who's there?" She wakes up startled. I raise an eyebrow. "Oh, it's you, guy from '93."

"What a strange obsession with the year of my birth…" I mutter. "Anyway, stay awake or you'll spend the night sleeping on this bus."

"Do I have that option?" She mumbles. Luckily, I understand her.

"That depends on you."

Then, we walk together towards my house. I have to check my pockets to find my keys and enter quietly. Once I manage to have us inside, a small round of words begins.

"I'll sleep in your bed," Dakota states.

"Are you going to be as invasive as you were at the hospital? This is my house."

"Your bed is bigger than the hospital bed. You'll survive my company, Eron Montjoy."

I simply respond deeply. This girl is sometimes impossible.

I see my sister still in the same place she was when we left. She doesn't even pay us any attention. She has her headphones on full volume and doesn't stop typing on her computer. She looks like a damn robot.

While Dakota goes to the bathroom, I make the decision to do something I might regret. I look for the stupid note, and before I can back down, I return to the living room. I approach Maya Montjoy and throw the envelope on her keyboard. Out of inertia, she abruptly stops.

"What the hell is this, Eron? Can't you see I'm busy?" She takes off her headphones.

"It's the only good thing I'm going to do for you for a long time," I click my tongue. "I've already done my part. It's not my problem whether you read it or not. I won't interrupt you with your thesis again. Goodnight."

"What are you doing with that girl here?"

"I said goodnight."

I don't stay to see her expression or to see what Maya does with Faven's note. I did what I had to do, only for Faven. Beyond that, it's not my problem. Maya can do whatever she wants. It's always been like that in this house. We always do whatever we want and there are no consequences. We're used to it.

I meet Dakota just as she comes out of the main bathroom, the one in the hallway towards the bedrooms. For the first time, I think, she doesn't ask me anything or start prying into my affairs. I think my facial expression must be clear enough, or she herself is too tired to waste energy on me.

She waits outside for a few minutes while I change, and her sleepy face answers the question I recently formulated in my head.

Tonight, I have to adjust the air conditioning a bit. Her body heat forces me to do so. And, unlike those nights in the hospital, I can't fall asleep as quickly. I lie down on my back, staring at the ceiling without saying anything. I navigate through my mind and thoughts, a bit disoriented. I feel lost amidst the wave of questions that loom large and overwhelming; compared to them, I am the captain of a ship that could sink in front of the immensity of those waves.

I don't know how long I'm in that state. I force myself to set two more alarms on my phone, just in case. It's past midnight, and I'm still awake.

I return to my initial position, and at some point during the night, Dakota slides her arm over my abdomen and gets closer. It startles me a little, but I soon realize it's a movement she makes in her sleep. She breathes deeply and peacefully. Envy runs through me; I wish I could sleep as peacefully as she does, but my mind doesn't want to do me that favor.

Liry will be returning to South Dakota for the first time since Faven's death in five days, and I don't know if I'm ready to see her again.

The darkness of the night may not last forever. Tomorrow will come. Faven was the king of positive sayings, and I cling to similar phrases every time I go through these episodes. I know I'll eventually fall asleep, but I don't know when. It frustrates me. Imagining that he sends me an audio consoling me gives me a little encouragement.

Now, I have the flashback of Dakota sleeping with me on a couch, in front of a big television. And if I wanted to be less confused, I lost the battle.