Chapter 18 Don't Hold Me
Lulu
I’d already made up my mind yesterday: stay away from Alpha Caspian.
Simple. Effective. A clean way to protect my sanity from the storm he carried around like an aura whenever he got within two metres of me.
But apparently, in this massive pack house, Alpha Caspian had the annoying ability to appear everywhere like a shadow. In the corridor. On the stairs. In the front hall. As if he had some built-in radar that only tracked me.
So I picked the safest place—the pack house’s communal kitchen.
Busy. Noisy. Always crowded. A room an Alpha with sky-high pride would never willingly step into.
At least, that was the theory.
“Miss McCarthy, you’re here,” Dalila muttered as she stacked fruit slices onto a plate.
“I need something to do,” I said, slicing onions. “If I stay still, I end up thinking too much.”
And when I think too much… that memory crawls back again. Alpha Caspian’s claws. My blood. His horrified face.
I swallowed hard, trying to shove the image deep down where it wouldn’t bother me.
I’d already told the omegas they didn’t need to treat me like some high-status she-wolf. They still tried offering heavier tasks—stuff only a wolf shifter could manage—but they knew my limits by now. I wasn’t a wolf anymore. My body healed like a human’s… or worse, like a human with old damage that refused to fade.
So I kept to the lighter chores. Chopping ingredients. Stirring soup. Arranging meals for warriors on duty.
Anything that stopped my mind from drifting to Alpha Caspian.
Unfortunately… that only lasted half a day.
When the kitchen slowed down and people filtered out, I headed somewhere no one else ever bothered to visit: the pack house music studio.
The studio looked exactly the same as when Dalila first showed it to me. And exactly the same as those faint memories from when I was younger—before the world twisted, before it tore me apart, before I died and came back to life… back when music was the only safe place I knew.
A black piano sat in the middle of the room. A few pages of old sheet music. That familiar scent of old wood and untouched dust.
I touched the keys. Cold… but familiar. My fingers moved before I even thought about it.
The first notes came out slow, trembling. A melody I used to play to soothe myself when fear wrapped too tightly around my chest.
The sound fell like water—soft but heavy. Minor chords. A fragile pattern that felt like it could break with the slightest pressure. My hands remembered it even if my memories didn’t.
The melody… was sad. Far too honest.
The longer I played, the tighter my chest felt—like something inside me was being pulled apart.
It’s my heart.
Ough. Not my heart. That bond—that strange, irritating thread tying me to one ego-inflated Alpha named Alpha Caspian.
I stopped suddenly. My breath came out sharp. At least here, no one would—
“Lulu?”
His voice came from behind me.
Bloody perfect.
I closed my eyes for a second, then turned. Alpha Caspian stood in the doorway, breathing like he’d sprinted the whole way here. His dark ocean-blue eyes flicked from my face to the piano—still vibrating with the last note.
“That was beautiful,” he murmured. “Sad… but beautiful.”
I stood up quickly, brushing my hair back. “I’m done.”
“Lulu, wait.”
“I’ve got things to do.”
I tried to walk past him, but his hand caught my arm. Not rough. Not like yesterday, but firm enough to stop me.
Even that tiny touch made my skin prickle—not because it felt nice, but because I didn’t want him anywhere near me when my thoughts were a mess.
“Let go,” I said flatly.
He loosened his grip, but didn’t release me. “We need to talk.”
“I don’t want to talk.”
“Then I’ll talk,” he shot back, frustration bleeding into his voice. “Just stop avoiding me like I’m…”
“Like you’re what?” I snapped. “A monster?”
He went silent.
Which, honestly, said everything.
I exhaled sharply. “I need to focus, Alpha Caspian. On what actually matters. On Morpheus. On the pup I’m carrying. I don’t have space for emotional arguments with you.”
His jaw tightened a little, but his eyes dimmed. “I know you’re angry.”
“You don’t know anything.”
“You were hurt—”
“I almost died…twice because of you, Alpha Caspian.” My voice was steady, but the crack underneath it was hard to hide.
His hands curled into fists. “I know.”
“And I don’t know if I can… stay close to you after that. Bloody hell, we were never close to begin with.”
He flinched as if the words physically hit him.
I tried pulling my arm free again, but he held on—tighter this time.
“Alpha Caspian,” I warned.
“Don’t go,” he muttered, voice rough. “At least listen.”
I rolled my eyes. “Why do you always try to control me?”
“I don’t—”
“You hold onto me like I’m some child you need to drag around.”
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“Really?” My tone chilled. “Because from where I’m standing, you’re just frustrated that I don’t revolve my life around you.”
His jaw flexed. “I’m just… afraid of losing you.”
“That’s your issue, not mine.”
“Lulu…”
“We’re strangers,” I cut in. “I live in your pack. I eat the food you provide. I take the care your people give me. I know what I owe. I’ll repay everything once I give birth and find a job.”
His eyes widened slightly, as if I’d stabbed him.
“I’m leaving Sapphire Water after that,” I continued, calm and firm. “And before I go, I just need you to do one thing: give me a lead on Morpheus.”
“No.” The answer shot out instantly.
I let out a humourless breath. “Of course not.”
He stepped closer. His Alpha aura rose, heavy and suffocating, like a storm rolling in. “I’m not letting you leave.”
“You don’t own my life.”
“I…”
“And don’t you dare stand in my way,” I said quietly. “I’ve already died once, Alpha Caspian. I’m not scared of doing it again if my life keeps getting controlled.”
Silence. A thick, crushing silence.
For a moment, I thought he’d snap—growl, shout, something. But something inside him… collapsed. Like a pillar cracking from the inside out.
“Lulu…” His voice was small, raw. “Don’t go.”
I turned away and started walking. “I have to. My life—”
Something wrapped around my waist.
His arms.
Alpha Caspian pulled me back against his chest in one quick movement—too quick to dodge, too gentle to call forceful, too intense to ignore.
My whole body froze.
His warmth pressed against my back. Forbidden, wrong, and suffocating.
“Don’t go…” he whispered, voice breaking against my shoulder. “Please…stay. Don’t leave me.”
I went completely still. My breath caught. The world around us stopped moving.
I wanted to pull away. I wanted to shout at him.
But, truthfully?
It wasn’t my body that reacted first. It was my heart.
A shiver rippled through me.
Because for the first time… Alpha Caspian didn’t sound like an Alpha. Not like a leader. Not like someone used to getting whatever he wanted.
He sounded…Human.
Wounded. Quite terrified, and breaking.
And I hated how a small part of me felt that. I shut my eyes, still trapped in his arms.
“Alpha Caspian…” I whispered. “Let me go.”
But his arms only tightened—not painfully, just enough to feel like he was holding onto the last thing keeping him afloat.
“No,” he breathed. “Not this time.”
And in that quiet little room… surrounded by the smell of old wood and a melody still lingering in the air…
I realised one thing:
He wanted me.