Chapter 31 THE WEDDING.
\~~~SERENA.
“Are you okay? You don’t look very good.”
Maya’s voice cut through the fog in my head, soft but concerned.
I blinked at my reflection in the mirror before turning to her. If I was being honest, not very good was putting it mildly. My fingers were clenched so tightly around my bouquet that the stems creaked under the pressure. I hadn’t even noticed I was doing it until Maya gently pried one of my fingers loose.
I forced a smile. “I am fine.”
She didn’t buy it. Of course she didn’t.
My eyes drifted around the room instead. It was quiet as the makeup artists were gone. The stylist had zipped me into my dress, squealed about how beautiful I looked, and left me alone with my thoughts. The walls felt bigger now, and the silence heavier.
I looked down at myself.
The dress was everything I had ever imagined my wedding gown would be and more. Ivory satin hugged my body before flowing out softly, the fabric catching the light with every small movement. The bodice was fitted, embroidered with delicate lace and tiny pearls that shimmered like dew. The sleeves were sheer, clinging to my arms like a whisper, and the neckline dipped just enough to feel elegant without being bold.
I looked like something out of a fairytale.
A princess and the irony almost made me laugh.
Last night replayed in my mind. Maya, the girls, and the small bridal shower they had insisted on throwing. Laughter, music, too much cake, silly games. For a few hours, I’d let myself believe this was real. That this wasn’t built on secrets and half-truths. That I wasn’t lying to every smiling face that told me congratulations.
“There is no one here,” Maya said gently, stepping closer. “You know you can talk to me.”
I swallowed.
“I feel excited,” I admitted quietly. “And I feel horrible for feeling excited.”
Maya frowned. “Why would you feel horrible about that?”
“Because I shouldn’t,” I said. “I am lying. I am standing here letting people celebrate something that isn’t what they think it is. Literally everyone from the institution is here for me and I don’t feel good about it.”
She reached for my hands, gently forcing the bouquet down onto the table beside me.
“Serena,” she said firmly, “Stop thinking about everyone else for once and just think about yourself. Think about your happiness.”
I let out a small, shaky laugh. “That is the problem.”
Her eyes softened. “You are scared.”
“I am,” I nodded.
“Of what?” she asked. “Getting married?”
“Damien,” I answered.
Maya straightened instantly. “Your soon-to-be husband?” she asked sharply. “Why? Did he do something bad? Does he hurt you? Because if he does, we can call this off right now. I don’t give a flying fuck.”
“No,” I said quickly. “No, he has never hurt me. Never.”
“Then what?”
I hesitated, staring at the floor.
“I feel like I am going to lose the reason why I started this,” I said slowly. “Like I’m going to lose myself in him.”
Maya blinked. “I don’t get you.”
“I…” I paused.
“You can say anything,” she pressed. “Since when have we ever judged each other?”
I let out a nervous breath. “God, this isn’t even proper.”
“Just say it.”
“Did you sleep with him already?” she blurted.
“What? No!” I exclaimed, heat rushing to my face.
“Then?”
The words slipped out before I could stop them.
“I want to sleep with him.”
Maya stared at me.
“What?” she said.
“It is unhealthy,” I rushed on. “Babe, I legit touch myself just by thinking of him.”
She still said nothing.
“You are not going to say anything?” I asked weakly.
“I am shocked,” she finally said. “You are the one who never gets worked up over men. You always say sex doesn’t even do anything for you. It doesn’t give you any pleasure.”
Fuck, that was it.
I’d never felt the pleasure of sex, hence, I believe it was overrated.
Not even Ryan, the man I loved so much, had ever satisfied me.
“I promise you,” I said. “This is different.”
“And you fantasize about him,” she said slowly, “with you.”
“Yes.”
She sighed. “Do you know that once you sleep with him, you cross a line you can never undo?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “God, should I call the wedding off? Damien would agree. I know him.”
“Serena.”
“I know,” I said quickly. “I know this is crazy.”
Maya looked at me for a moment, then smiled softly.
“Well,” she said, “what is life without a little bit of craziness?”
I laughed despite myself.
“You are pushing through with this wedding,” she continued. “Your mother is already out there. Do you want to give the poor woman a heart attack?”
“Right?” I sighed.
“Good,” Maya said, fixing my veil and turning me gently toward the mirror. “Now wear an effing smile. You’re about to become a wife.”
“Oh, God,” I breathed.
The music outside swelled softly, signaling that it was almost time. My heart raced, and my palms damp.
I stared at my reflection one last time.
And just like that, I would be marrying Damien Hale today.