I walk back to our room slowly after the early morning training session, my mind occupied with how I'm going to tell Zayde about his father.
I barely slept last night. Tossing and turning thinking about how to approach the subject. He's never really asked about him and we've barely had any type of conversation regarding him. And I'm not sure how to answer his questions, if he has some.
And then there's the fact that I have to face Zane today. I know my restlessness last night made Zayde restless as well he kept turning around in bed, luckily he didn't wake up, so as soon as it was time for training I got out of bed, got ready asked one of the omegas to keep an eye on him before I headed out to training. Hoping it would help ease some of my nerves.
It didn't. Not really.
I reached our room and opened the door, smiling at the omega watching over Zayde.
"Thank you Lucy. How is he?"
"He's still fast asleep Shay. I guess all the excitement yesterday spent him." She says as she gets up from the couch.
I smile and nod at her.
"It would seem that way yes. Can you ask them to send some breakfast upstairs for us please Lucy?"
She nods at me.
"Of course, I'll bring some up as soon as it's ready."
"Thank you Lucy."
She nods again and as she closes the door I head over to Zayde.
I brush the hair off his forehead and smile watching him sleep with his mouth open. I shake my head and get up heading for the bathroom. Time for a quick shower before he wakes.
As I get out of the bathroom I glance in Zayde's direction quickly. Still asleep, so I head into the closet to get dressed and take out his clothes.
Just as I get out of the closet, still towel drying my hair I see Zayde sit up and look around.
I smile and him, and hang my towel over a chair before I head over to the bed.
I pull him in for a hug and he cuddles into me.
"Good morning my baby. How did you sleep?"
"Morning momma. Great. I think I was really tired."
I smile at him and ruffle his hair.
"Yes, I think you were really tired too. Come one. Get up. I've already run a bath for you. Let's go get you cleaned up and then we'll have breakfast."
I say and stand. Holding my hand out for him to help him out of bed but he shakes his head and gets of the bed himself.
"No, mom. I'm a big boy. I can do that myself." He says heading for the bathroom.
I grin at him and shake my head.
"Of course you are. I'm sorry what was I thinking." I said as I headed after him into the bathroom.
Half an hour late Zayde was all dressed and ready for the day just as a knock came.
"Perfect timing. That must be breakfast. You head out to the terrace and I'll go get our food."
I say to Zayde and he nods, heading out onto the terrace as I open the door.
"Thank you very much Lucy. I'll bring this down when we're finished."
I say as I take the tray from her. She smiles.
"It's a pleasure. Enjoy your breakfast."
I close the door and head over to the terrace.
Zayde's eyes widened as he sees the tray of food.
"Oh my! That's alot. Can I have all of it?"
I smile at him.
"You can have as much as you want too dear. Just don't eat too much."
"I won't." He replies, not even looking at me as he already dug into the food.
I shake my head at him before I sit down to eat as well.
After we've been eating for a while I decided to open the subject of his father.
"Zayde?"
He looks up at me questioningly.
"Yes?"
"I need to talk to you about something. It's about your dad. You know I told you he's from a pack around here?"
Zayde nods. "Yes I remember. Are we going to go see him?"
He looks at me, eagerly waiting for my reply.
"No. Not really. He will be here a little later today. He wants to talk to me about you, and then I'm guessing he'd want to meet you. Would you like that?"
He nods vigorously. "Yes, when can I see him?" He asks excitedly and for a moment my heart clenches, thinking about how I've kept him from his father.
"As soon as the grown ups are done talking I'll come get you and you can meet him. Would that be okay?"
He nods at me and smiles. "I'm so happy, I can't wait to see him." He says as he dug back into his food.
"Sweetie, if you wanted to meet him, why have you never asked?"
He shrugs but doesn't say anything, just continuing to eat.
"Zayde, you can tell me."
He looks at me for a while and I feel my heart clench as I look into those eyes so similar to his father's.
"Because he makes you sad. I don't want to make you sad."
"How do you know it makes me sad?"
He shrugs. "I just feel it, and then it makes me sad. I don't want to make you sad so.."
He drinks his juice but before I can say anything he speaks again.
"Mom?'
I smile at him. "Yes sweetie?"
"Why does talking about dad make you sad?"
"It's complicated grown up stuff. You're to little to understand."
"Did he hurt you?"
My smile falters but I nod at him.
"In a way yes. He hurt my heart."
Zayde frowns.
"Is he your mate?"
"He was, yes." I say nodding at my son.
"Mates don't hurt each other. I don't want to see him if he hurts you."
Zayde says with a frown, looking out over the terrace.
"Sweetie, like I said it's grown up stuff. You can't be mad at him about it. He really wants to see you."
"Then why didn't he come see us? Does he not like me?"
I sigh. "No. It's not that. That's my fault. I didn't know I had you in my tummy when he hurt me and then mommy left. Without telling him."
"About me?"
"Yes sweetie. He didn't come because he didn't know."
He doesn't say anything but just frowns down at the table and I touch his hand.
"Are you mad at me?"
He looks at me and shakes his head.
"Then what's wrong?"
"What if he doesn't like me?"
I pull him into my lap.
"Don't be silly baby. He's going to love you. What's not to love. Now come on. Go and brush your teeth and then we'll go play outside for a bit. Okay?"
He nods and runs off to the bathroom.
That went a lot better than I thought. Now I only need to get through seeing Zane for the first time since he rejected me.
Easy right.