Chapter 18 Seventeen
Nora.
I didn't plan on attending the alpha throne battle, let alone watching my husband get entangled in it. The thought of witnessing him either defeated or victorious was a mixed bag of emotions. Although I had a strong inkling that he would emerge triumphant, my heart was still conflicted about being there.
Howard and I had been on rocky ground ever since our heated argument yesterday over his cousin Damon or our more of because of our relationship status. It was a tangle of concern and animosity from him, leaving me unsure of where we stood.
The memory of our fight lingered in my mind as I went about my day. The way Howard had shown genuine worry, yet claimed to despise me, created a bewildering confusion within me. Did he truly have feelings for me, or was he set on pushing me away?
Interrupting my thoughts, Selene, my maid, cut through the haze. "My Luna..." she began, addressing me with the title I still couldn't fully accept. "I am not your Luna, Selene," I interjected, firm in my stance against the address.
With a sigh, Selene made it clear that she wouldn't let go of that title anytime soon. "I'm sorry, but you really should be there for your husband. Showing support is important, especially if he wins. It would be awkward for you not to be present."
I studied Selene for a moment, contemplating her words. "How sure are you that he's going to win?" I asked, seeking her insight into the matter.
Her lips curled into a knowing smile. "Let's just say, my Luna, that he's more than capable of securing victory."
With a resigned nod, I conceded to her reasoning. "Fine, let's get me dressed then."
Selene began to prepare me for the event I hadn't initially intended to attend, I couldn't help but wonder about the complex web of emotions that had entwined Howard and me. Would being there, among the watching crowd, offer any clarity on our relationship? Or would it merely deepen the enigma that was my connection to the man I had married?
I watched as the alpha challenge began, the tension in the air palpable. Just as I had settled into my seat, the adrenaline-fueled spectacle unfolded before my eyes. Seated next to me was Howard's stepmother, Marie—a woman exuding warmth and grace. Beside her stood Claude, the alpha himself, his watchful gaze fixed on his son who was about to battle for his rightful place.
Anxiety clenched my heart as I felt the weight of the moment. Marie must have sensed my nerves, for she placed a comforting hand on mine, offering a gentle squeeze that instantly eased my apprehension. Her kindness was a welcomed gesture, a small island of reassurance amidst the sea of uncertainty.
In a hushed tone, Marie leaned in and shared her confidence in Howard's victory. She spoke of his strength, his capabilities, and his unwavering determination to claim the position of the next Direwood pack Alpha. Her words were a soothing balm, brushing away the doubts that clouded my thoughts.
My gaze shifted towards Howard, standing tall and resolute before his opponent, Damon. The anticipation in the air was electric, and all eyes were on the two contenders. The gravity of the situation wasn't lost on me; Howard's desire to secure the Alpha throne drove him to push his limits, to rise above any challenge that stood in his path.
As my eyes remained fixed on the scene before me, a pang of bittersweet understanding swept over me. Howard's actions, his calculated moves, suddenly seemed clearer. Our marriage had been a means to an end for him—a strategic move to ensure his dominance. The revelation stung, an unspoken truth hanging heavy in the air.
Yet, in that moment, as the bell rang and Howard faced his opponent, I couldn't help but feel a complex mix of emotions. The man who stood in the battle field was driven by ambition, yes, but also by the unyielding determination to shape his destiny. And as the clash of strength and will unfolded in the arena, I found myself both spectator and participant in a tale that was intricately woven with power, loyalty, and the complexities of the heart.
As I watched Howard and his cousin engaged in a heated struggle for the Alpha throne, my attention was momentarily diverted when his best friend, Alex, took the seat next to mine. Uncertainty crept over me – after the clash Howard and I had just yesterday, where he insisted I shouldn't converse with any man without his permission, I wasn't entirely certain about how to approach this situation.
Yet, there Alex sat, a innocuous grin playing on his lips as he glanced at me. A mixture of curiosity and a hint of amusement danced in his eyes. I couldn't help but return the smile, my lips curving slightly, while my mind raced with questions. Was he here to talk about Howard? Did he have his own motive in mind? Or was he merely seeking casual conversation?
The echoes of the argument Howard and I had lingered in the back of my mind, the frustration and resentment still fresh. I wrestled with my instincts – on one hand, my desire to maintain my own independence and freedom of choice, and on the other, the urge to respect the relationship I had with Howard. It felt like walking on a tightrope, trying to balance my feelings and thoughts.
"Don't worry, I know about the 'don't talk to other men without my permission' issue," Alex said, his tone light and teasing. I felt an unexpected wave of relief wash over me, and a genuine laugh escaped my lips as I shook my head. "Your friend is just a handful," I remarked, my gaze fixed on the spectacle unfolding before us – Howard's rapid transformation into a werewolf and his subsequent scratch on Damon's back. The crowd erupted into cheers as Damon let out a pained growl, a clear sign that he wasn't their favorite.
"He's just trying to cope," Alex explained, his voice carrying a hint of sympathy. I turned my attention to him, my brows furrowed in confusion. "Cope?" I questioned, the word feeling out of place in the context of the intense battle.
Alex's gaze remained steady as he elaborated, "He lost his mother when I least expected it. She was the only woman he loved and trusted because he had never been in a relationship." I contemplated his words, not quite seeing how that was something one needed to cope with. Before I could voice my thoughts, Alex continued, his tone earnest, "That's... not really something..."
He cut me off gently, the seriousness in his eyes showing he had more to say. "Look, I know he's such a pain in the ass. He's been the worst to you and he makes you believe that you're the most revolting person ever to him. But that's not it. Howard is used to a wayward life and doesn't believe in true love. He thinks he's not capable of staying with one person. But look at how he got crazy when Damon came close to you. Think about the times Howard has been there for you."
I mulled over Alex's words, replaying moments in my mind where Howard's actions contradicted his harsh demeanor. I recalled how fiercely he reacted when Ella scratched my face just a day before our wedding, and how he had shielded me from harm when danger had lurked nearby.
His protective and caring side juxtaposed with his seemingly hostile attitude left me grappling with confusion. Every morning, I awoke with a sliver of hope that things might change between Howard and me, only to have it evaporate as soon as his gaze landed on me – like he was out to claim my soul.
The bell rang, signaling a break in the fight, and I welcomed the respite from the intense scene before us. As the competitors took a moment to catch their breath, I turned to Alex once more. His words had given me a new perspective on Howard's behavior, unraveling the complexities of his actions. The battle for the Alpha throne wasn't just physical; it seemed to be a reflection of Howard's internal struggle with his own emotions, his past, and his perceptions of love.
My mind raced as I paced back and forth in my room, grappling with the decision of whether to go to Howard’s chamber now and offer my congratulations on his victorious battle.
The realization that Howard was about to become the Alpha of the Direwood pack filled me with genuine happiness – this achievement was a dream he had long pursued, and seeing him attain it was nothing short of remarkable. Amid the internal chaos of my thoughts, I found myself resolving to put Alex's words into action – to step beyond the barriers of Howard's seemingly rough exterior.
With purpose solidifying within me, I opted for a quick bath, hoping to gather my courage and put on a more relaxed attire before making my way to his chamber. The idea of approaching him while he was still in the afterglow of his triumph seemed fitting. So, I chose my red silky kimono – a garment that exuded a sense of comfort and yet felt daring.
As I entered Howard's chamber, I marveled at the simplicity and warmth of the space. This was my first-time setting foot in his personal domain, and the aura it radiated seemed to mirror his character in unexpected ways. Passing through the living area, I made my way towards his bedroom with cautious steps. The door was ajar, an invitation that I hesitantly accepted.
Inside, Howard sat on the edge of the bed, his back exposed and marred by the scratches inflicted by Damon during the battle. It was an intimate view of his vulnerability, a side of him rarely seen by others. My heart skipped a beat as I took in the sight – the powerful Alpha-to-be with his defenses lowered, his expression a mixture of exhaustion and accomplishment.
Howard turned his head slightly, his gaze meeting mine in the reflection of a nearby mirror. I could sense the surprise in his eyes, as though he hadn't quite expected my presence. For a moment, time seemed to suspend between us, the unspoken understanding of the moment creating an invisible bridge that connected our souls.
"Congratulations," I finally managed to say, my voice soft yet sincere. It was a simple sentiment that held within it the weight of our shared history, the battles we had fought both together and against each other.
A faint smile tugged at the corners of his lips, his response genuine as he inclined his head in acknowledgment.
His smile caught me off guard – it was the first genuine smile he had ever directed at me. A rush of emotions surged through me, a mix of elation and surprise that I struggled to contain. Despite the overwhelming excitement, I managed to keep my composure. After all, I couldn't let him see just how much that smile meant to me.
His response was a smile that spoke volumes – words seemed redundant as his eyes met mine, conveying a depth of meaning I had never encountered in our interactions.
His heavy breathing resonated in the room, a testament to the energy he had exerted in the battle. As he rose from the bed, his frame towering over me, I was reminded of his formidable presence.
My breath caught in my throat, and I instinctively lowered my gaze, only to have it drawn to a scratch on his left upper chest. It was a stark reminder of the brutality of the confrontation he had faced.
"It doesn't hurt," his voice broke the silence, my gaze snapping back to his face. I exhaled softly, appreciating his attempt to put me at ease. I nodded in response, words feeling insufficient to express the mixture of concern and relief that swirled within me.
His next words, however, jolted me out of my thoughts. "What brings you to my room? You're not just here to congratulate me." His insight sent a shiver down my spine.
He was right; congratulations weren't my sole reason for being here. I wanted to bridge the gap between us, to connect beyond the formalities and the past animosities. But it was a venture into uncharted territory, and I found myself struggling to find the right words.
Stammering, I tried to form a coherent sentence, but my efforts fell short. The pressure of his gaze intensified my nervousness, leaving me feeling exposed. "If you don't have anything to say to me, leave," his words sliced through the air, unyielding and final. He turned towards the bathroom, dismissing me without waiting for a response.
My heart sank, a mix of disappointment and helplessness gripping me. The courage I had summoned to enter his room and initiate this encounter had been met with a cold wall of rejection.
As the bathroom door closed behind him, I was left standing there, my thoughts a whirlwind of conflicted emotions.
Despite the hurt he's causing, I'm determined not to back down. Staying passive means he'll continue to bring other women into his life, making me feel worthless. If I want things to change, I need to be more assertive.
I decide to wait in his room, perched on the edge of his bed. My heart races as I anxiously anticipate his reaction. After what feels like an eternity, the bathroom door finally opens.
My eyes lock onto Howard's dripping figure, a towel wrapped around his waist. I can't deny the attraction that surges through me, even though I don't reveal it outwardly.
But Howard's indifference stings. He avoids my gaze completely, heading straight for his closet without sparing me a second look. It's as if I'm invisible to him, just a mere presence in his space.
Despite the internal struggle, I know I can't give in now. If I want him to see me differently, I have to find a way to break through his defenses.
Howard's bedroom feels tense as I wait on the edge of his bed, the seconds ticking by slowly. Minutes later, the closet door opens, revealing Howard in a new light. He's dressed casually yet stylishly in a pair of jeans and a blue shirt. The realization hits me that he's planning to go out, and I'm all too aware of what usually transpires when he's out during these times.
Determined not to let him dismiss me again, I step into his path as he walks towards the door. His eyes lock onto mine, cold and distant. My heart races, but I'm resolute. "I'm not moving away," I assert, my voice surprisingly steady despite the nervous chaos inside me.
He studies me for a moment, his expression unreadable. And then, unexpectedly, he responds with words that send a shock through me. "I didn't ask you to," he states, his tone neutral. The ambiguity of his statement leaves me perplexed, unsure of his intentions.
Before my racing mind can decipher his words, he takes a step closer, closing the distance between us. In a breathtakingly sudden move, he presses his lips against mine. My eyes widen in astonishment, my heart now pounding for an entirely different reason. The warmth of his kiss takes me by surprise, the taste of him flooding my senses. It's a moment I never thought would happen, a twist I didn't anticipate.
As his lips linger against mine, I'm left both bewildered and exhilarated. This unexpected gesture leaves me questioning everything I thought I knew about Howard and us. Is this a turning point? Or just a fleeting moment in the midst of our complicated dynamic?
I feel his chest rise and fall against mine as he takes deliberate, deep breaths. His arms encircle my waist, drawing me impossibly close. My heart races as the world around us fades, leaving only the warmth of his body pressed against mine. In this moment, I'm suspended in a blissful cocoon, a sanctuary where everything else fades away.
His grip tightens, and I'm acutely aware of the sensation of his lips against my skin as he buries his face in the curve of my neck. I can't help but wrap my arms around his neck, wanting to capture every ounce of this stolen moment. My fingers press into the muscles of his back, holding him as if letting go would mean losing a piece of myself.
Reluctantly, he whispers against my skin, his words like a cruel reminder that this moment is temporary. "I have to go," he breathes, his voice laced with a hint of regret. I don't want him to leave, don't want this fragment of time to slip through my fingers like grains of sand. But reality has a way of asserting itself.
His arms loosen their embrace, and I take a shuddering breath, fighting to steady my weakened knees. He explains, his words soft and weighted, "I have to go see my father." It's a reminder of the tangled web of his life, the complexities that pull at him.
With a resigned nod, I blink back the sting of disappointment. Howard's grip slips away, leaving me standing on wobbly legs. I offer him a last, hopeful look, silently conveying a desire for this to be more than just a stolen moment.
As I leave his room, a seed of hope blooms within me, wishing that perhaps this could be the start of something new—a chance for happiness between Howard and me.