101. Acceptance
Safina
I watch as four-year old Micah was sitting in the grass eating berries that he helped pick from the nearby bushes with the older kids. He was so small and adorable that I couldn’t help but smile at him. It amazed me how many kids were here. I soon found out that most of them were orphans that were found wondering around.
Just like Arcadia, most of these young children were either casted out from their own packs because they were too weak, or they were never a part of a pack to begin with. Like little Micah here. He was half human and half werewolf. They didn’t know who his parents were, but they assumed that the mother may have been human, and she didn’t want anything to do with the baby after giving birth.
So, they believed that she had left him there deep into the forest, all bundled up, just to die. Oscar was helping scouting the area during his training days and came upon the babe. The Scout who had been training him told him to take him into the human town and drop him off at the fire station, but Oscar knew it was a half breed and the infant boy needed to be with his own kind.
So, he brought him to Accalia and together her and Nancy were taking care of him. It was one of the saddest things I was told by them. Among other similar stories of the other children that were here thriving.
“Now that you have finally calmed down, will you tell me what’s going on with you?” Accalia asks gently as she comes to sit next to me on the large boulder that was just off to the side of the glade, where most of the children were playing.
I sigh heavily and look to her.
When I first arrived and saw her face, I couldn’t hold it in any longer and bawled my eyes out trying to explain why I was crying. But all I was able to get out was Shane’s name in all the jumble mess of my words, snot, and tears.
She just wrapped me in her arms and let me cry as she said soothing words. Eventually, she let me just sit there being a total mess. Now here we both were, watching the kids.
“I understand about Shane. Oscar filled us all in on what was going on. What I would like to know, is why this young soon to be Alpha is affecting you so much?”
An eyebrow rises as she looks at me with this knowing look. I couldn’t help the heat rising to my cheeks at the eyes that seems to be staring into my very soul. Clearing my throat, I didn’t even know where to start.
“Accalia, I…” I look away as I try to get my thoughts together. After long paused moments, I look at her patiently waiting.
“When I was revived, all I could think about is what had happened to our family, to me, to our home. I was filled with so much rage and pain that I only had one purpose set. And that was to get revenge for our loved ones. Moon Goddess brought me back because it had been my last dying wish to her.”
Tears begin anew as I look back to the children, not really seeing them as my thoughts came forward at a fast pace.
“And…?” She presses on.
My lips trembling, I could feel myself crumble. “And then all these memories of Hazel started flooding my mind and I was so angry for her that I set it in my will power that what I was going to do would be justified. So, I started planning it all out that I was going to destroy their entire pack. Spencer’s entire pack, like he did with mine.” I stated determinedly.
Then I go quiet.
“But?” She softly states.
“But then I met Benji.” I sobbed out. “I met him with these beautiful memories with Hazel, and I got to know him, and he reminds me of Myron so m-much that I couldn’t bring myself to hate him.” I look to her as tears blurs my vision.
“But seeing the bad memories only made me want to protect him with everything I had.” I cry brokenly as I was letting the emotions flow out of me.
“And now Shane…”
I could see her eyes becoming a bit misty as she listens to me. “What about Shane?” She gently urges on.
“I should hate him! I shouldn’t want to feel this way because of who he is! Why wasn’t he like his murdering father?! Why couldn’t he be anything like his douche bag cousin Slater?! Why is he so kind and gentle, a-a-and…sweet?”
I suddenly stand up and start to pace in front of her. “I only came here for a single purpose. It’s falls to me to get vengeance for everyone. I should be leading us to victory to where Night Stone can rise again and become whole. That was my purpose of coming back…” I stop and swing my eyes to hers again. “Isn’t it?”
She slightly looks away from me with a small frown of uncertainty. “When I had lost everything that night, believe me that’s all I wanted as well. I was hurting so much that I wanted to kill Marcus when I found out what he had done to us. I wanted Blue Silver’s Alpha’s head on a stake, broadcasting to the world of what he deserves.”
She looks back to me again, her face now sad. “But that was then. Looking at them…” She nods her head to all the children that were now laughing as they sang a song, horribly off key.
“I look at them and I’m no longer bitter to the world. Seeing them and what they all had been through…I just want them to live a safe and comfortable life, Safina. I want them to be filled with love, joy, and so much happiness. I want them to be able to thrive in this world.”
She was smiling now. “Nancy and I, we just want them to live. Life is too precious and sacred to be filled with hate and constant sorrow.”
She stands up and grabs my arms tenderly. “It’s okay to love and to be in love. Even if that person happens to be someone that is the son of the man who destroyed everything that we had held so dear to our hearts.”
Cupping my face into her hands, she lifts it up to look at her clearly. “You shouldn’t have to hold such a heavy burden on your young shoulders, Safina.”
“Are you telling me to give up?” I whisper.
“I’m telling you to look deep inside and ask yourself, what is it that you’re really looking for? What is it that you really want? Moon Goddess gave you a second chance at life. Do you truly believe she gave it just for you to hurt other innocents?”
I shook my head because I was too choked up to answer verbally.
“I’m not saying that Spencer and Marcus should get off free for what they had done. But maybe revenge isn’t the answer. Maybe you just need to find the true purpose of your second chance.”
“But I don’t know what that is. How am I able to find the true answer if I don’t know?” I ask feeling frustrated.
“I think the answer has been staring right in front of you all this time, Safina. You just need to open your eyes and see it clearly.”
“B-But Oscar and Raghorn, they’re expecting me to do something-”
“Don’t you worry about them sweetheart. They’ve been plotting for years. Let them get their own closure, alright. You focus on what’s important to you right now, not the past.”
She starts to swiftly graze my little hairs from my face. “As I hear it, you seem to be a bit smitten with a handsome young boy?” She wiggles her eyebrows and I couldn’t help but laugh at her.
“I’m not sure where you could have possibly heard that.” I scoff.
“From you of course. You’re not very good at hiding your feelings. And you just confirmed it.” She grins, making me heat up all over again.
I told her my concerns of what had happened to him and who could possibly be the person that wanted him dead. I told her my fears for his life and the emotions I was feeling about him. She listened with patience and ease, not once getting upset that I had fallen hopelessly in love with our enemy’s son.
She just seemed genuinely happy for me. But now the question was…how was I going to explain all this to Shane when he woke up?
Because there was no way I could ever keep this from him. It would just eat me alive.
I visited longer than I anticipated. Hurrying back to the hospital, I see nothing has really changed. Shane was still lying there asleep. Maribel was still humming softly, needling away on her homemade shawl. I sigh in relief that nothing seems to be amiss.
I sit back in my spot, giving the older a woman a smile. She just nods her head at me, never stopping her humming. We were silent as we both sat there in the quietness. Grabbing his hand, I stare down at it thinking of everything that Accalia had told me.
I wasn’t sure how Shane was going to take my news on everything. He might even think I was crazy and had lost my mind. Will he even accept the facts? What if he recoils from me afterwards? What if he decides that I wasn’t worth all the trouble and finds that I betrayed him in some way?
My heart was feeling heavy, but even though I was scared, I had to tell him. Tell him everything from the beginning. I wasn’t sure he would believe me, that he would believe what his father and uncle has done. He may even reject it.
But I had to try. I needed to know where we were going to stand with each other after everything was out in the open. But he needed to wake up and the more time was passing that he was still unconscious, the more I was beginning to lose my hope that he was going to wake up at all.
I lay my head on the bed, clutching his hand tightly in mine, bringing it close to me, praying to the Moon Goddess that he will wake up soon.