47. An Ant Problem

**Rosé**

She held up a finger to my face and continued licking. The pain that I finally took note of dulled significantly. Her soft tongue went on until the blood and the cut were completely gone.

Only then did she let go of my hand.

“See? All gone.” She wiped off the bit of saliva that resided and checked my thumb. Keona smirked. “One of the pros of being a werewolf. Most of us can take care of small wounds with our… well, you know.”

I looked at my finger in amazement.

“Sorry I wasn’t able to save your fingernail,” Keona chuckled. She then averts her gaze to look at our sleeping bags before focusing again on me. “Now would you like to tell me why you were trying to eat your hand?”

My other arm wrapped around my knees. “Bad thoughts. Just a lot of bad thoughts.”

I sighed. “I want to, I really do, but all I can say is that they are memories of the past. I keep having this fear that it will affect my future.”

Keona nodded as if she could read my entire train of thought.

“Well, the future is never certain. Wanna share some of those thoughts with me?” She offered me a hopeful smile. “We can reason them out together, see how rational they are. My mother told me once that when we fear something we should use logic to figure out how likely it is that fear will come true, then look at the things that would stop it from happening. It helped me and my brother a lot.”

I considered her words but remained silent. Most of my fears have already come true. Her mother’s tactic might not work on me.

After I failed to respond for a while, she tried something else.

“Do you want me to call Denis?”

It just occurred to me that Keona doesn’t understand the complications of Denis and I’s nonexistent relationship. It’s not her fault I neglected to tell her.

“No.” I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my head in her chest. “You’re the only person I need right now. I just need you.”

Keona hummed in understanding. She brushed her fingers through my hair until she fell asleep. It was only after I made sure that she was deeply tangled in her web of dreams that I untangled myself, slipped on a jacket, and left her alone in the tent.

________

The night air bit into my skin as if it had something against me. Every corner of the camp was lit up by energy-saving lights. It helped keep my nerves at bay as I placed the jars of honey and sugar on the ground close to my feet. Then I stooped down beside the ant hill.

Despite there being no sun, they’re still hard at work collecting what they need for their nest.

Being out here is a little scarier, but knowing that I’m surrounded by people makes me feel safer. I can only hope that no one comes out and sees me.

A foot away from me is a small puddle of water that I didn’t see during the daytime. Something compelled me to look in it. There it is, my reflection. I didn’t know what else I was expecting.

“I don’t think you should take things too far,” my reflection said. “What if she gets seriously hurt? There is still time to stop and return the sweets to the kitchen.”

It moved and talked like me. It took a while for it to register in my head. Then it hit me, it’s all in my head.

I remember when I was so stressed out from school I used to have delusional fevers, that was when the bullying got severe. I would see my mom enter my room and have full conversations with her when she wasn’t even there. She was at work. I’m not currently suffering from a fever, but I do know that I’m stressed.

I grinned at the puddle, no longer carrying if it was real. “Margo? Seriously hurt? It’s just a bunch of ants. Besides, she shouldn’t dish it if she’s not able to take it, right?”

The reflection frowned. There is something about the way she parted her hair at the side. Then it clicked.

“You’re the me before I entered senior year. Hah, I thought I had gotten rid of you.” This time, I was the one frowning. “You’re useless to me now. You weren’t enough in the past and now you’re here trying to dictate my future? How ambitious.”

The other me’s gaze hardened. “Don’t you forget,” she said. “That I’m the one who has always been strong for us. No matter what, I kept us standing tall and pushing forward. We had no one else, just us. I’m your strength that has been with you since the beginning, so I have a right to tell you to slow down.”

I placed both hands inside the puddle and cupped them together so that I could capture the water in my palms. My reflection drew closer to my face. Neither of us was smiling, but we weren’t frowning either.

“You’ve done a lot, haven’t you?” I said softly. “That’s why you should rest now. Because the only thing your ‘strength’ is doing for us, is getting in my way. Something like you is unfit to seek retribution.”

Before she could open her mouth I let the water drip through my fingertips. The ground is dry. There is no puddle. My hands feel more cold than wet. It felt like a part of me had evaporated and ceased to exist like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders. More… free.

I turned to look into the forest and covered my mouth in time to stop myself from screaming. Two red dots were staring back at me.

Then I blinked and they were gone.

Goosebumps appeared all over my flesh.

Someone is laughing and coming from where the tents are set up. I hid behind the tree closest to the anthill and crouched down.

Jeff is hurrying across the clearing, walking hand in hand with a girl. I calmed down but my heart was beating out of my chest. They were heading in the opposite direction to me. I waited until I couldn’t see them anymore before I started breathing normally again. With them gone, I got back to work.

Working all the way from the anthill to one specific tent. Once I was done, I cleaned up the evidence, washed my hands, and returned to the tent Keona and I shared.

I wrapped my arms around her waist again, making sure I was in the same position as before and forced myself to sleep.

When the morning came, the sound that I had been looking forward to finally arrived.

“Ahhh!”

My eyes blinked open and I smiled. What a beautiful sound to wake up to.