Goof
Anthony has been home for two weeks now. I have never been so tired in my life. Silvy is taking on the majority of the work. For the first week, Silvy was the only one feeding Ant because she refused to pump her milk. She said it was her job to feed the baby. I sat down with her and explained that I wanted to feed him too so I could bond with my son as she gets to. Silvy started pumping the next day. Silvy still only lets me feed him during the day. She does all the nighttime feedings. I have woken up several times to an empty bed only to find Silvy in the nursery rocking Ant both fast asleep. I put them both back to bed. I have asked why Silvy doesn't wake me up to help for the nighttime. Do you know what she told me? She told me since I still had club business and the dispensary to worry about she wanted to make sure I got plenty of sleep. So I started getting up with her until she agreed to let me handle a shift at night. That was all she was willing to give.
Yes, I still work during the day. Half shifts only because my brothers gave me time off. A month to be exact. I would go to the dispensary just to make sure things were running smoothly, take care of bank runs and handle deliveries. Then I would go home. I only went to the club for church or other meetings. But as soon as they were done my brothers would send me on my way. Telling me to go home and spend time with my family. Family. I had my own little family. I am sleep deprived. I have been spit upon. Ant tried to pee on me but I was prepared. The laundry pile has doubled in size with baby clothes and blankets. Silvy and I haven't gotten to spend much time together that wasn't sleeping or cleaning up the house. I miss just being able to sit and hold my girl. I still hold her. Silvy will be feeding Ant and I would hold both of them in my arms. Don't get me wrong I love every second of the time I get to spend with them.
I just miss the time I had Silvy to myself. I know we will have time in the future. Ant will start sleeping through the night, hopefully soon. That way Silvy will be in my arms all night. And It isn't about sex. Or just sex. I know Silvy needs time to heal. I won't pressure Silvy for sex. Ever. Do I want to be inside her soaking pussy. Hell yes. But there is so much more to my relationship with Silvy. We are parents to the cutest little boy. And we are learning how to do it together. Silvy went into this prepared to do it all on her own. I think part of her is still trying to do all the parenting on her own in case I fuck up. I don't plan on fucking up but I'm human. And the part-time fun Uncle. Now I'm a twenty-four hour dad. It is a learning curve.
Even with all that going on I wouldn't trade any of it. Like right now Silvy is sleeping on my shoulder and freshly fed and burped Anthony on my bare chest. He likes skin-to-skin contact with both of us. And my chest hair doesn't seem to bother him like I thought it would. He is awake and I am rubbing his back. He doesn't want to go to sleep. I turn him in my arms so he is cradled in the crook of my arm looking up at me. " Hey, little man. You should be sleeping. It is late for you." I said. I swear he looked up at me. " Or did you just want to spend some time with your daddy?" I asked. Ant moved his mouth like he was trying to answer even though I know he wasn't.
We do this sometimes, Ant and me. Just sit and talk. Dad to son. " have I told you how happy I am you are here? I am. I'm going to be the best dad I can be." I said. I look over at Silvy who has snuggled into me more. I lower my voice more. " And I am going to be the best husband I can be for your mom. We aren't married yet but that is my goal. So if you could put in a good word with your mom for me that would be great." I said. Ant moves his mouth again. " Thanks, buddy. Glad you are on my side. She doesn't know this but I love your mom with all my heart. That is why I agreed with her to have you. Got to tell you Ant. It was the best decision I ever made. If I had a chance to have you or chose a different path. I would choose you and your mom every time. Even though you wake up at awful hours during the night."
As we talked I watched his eyes get heavy but he was fighting it. So I kept talking and carefully rocked him so I wouldn't jar Silvy. " I think you Mom and I make a pretty good team so far. I think we will get better with time. We will get a routine figured out. And what we don't know we can ask any of your Aunts or Uncles. One of them will know the answer. There are enough kids between them to have come across almost every situation." I said. I lean over and kiss his forehead as he closes his eyes again. " Sleep, little man. Daddy has you. I will always have you and your mom."
Silvy
I don't know how long I was sleeping on Goof. I remember feeding Ant then Goof taking him to burp him. I laid my head on Goof's shoulder. I know I was tired and felt like I could close my eyes for just a minute or two. I was wrong. The next thing I heard was Goof talking to Anthony telling him to sleep that Goof had Ant and me. I just lay there listening to them talk. Well, Goof talk. Just like he used to do to my stomach. It seems some things never change. Instead of talking to the baby through my stomach Goof is just talking to the baby now. It is sweet that he does it. I wonder how many talks I have missed because I was sleeping. It doesn't matter. It is their bonding time. I'm not going to intrude on it. I liked what Goof said about being there for Ant and me.
I would normally I would question what Goof said. Or think that he says that now but for how long? I'm not doing that this time. I believe what he is telling Anthony. Because why would he lie to a baby that can't talk back or question? His son. Besides Goof may be many things but a liar is not one of them. It has always been me that had doubts without reason. I'm tired of being that way. I don't want to doubt Goof anymore. He has been by my side every step of the way since we started trying to get pregnant. He let me hold his hands as I pushed. I found out later that I had bruised his hands and broken one pinkie. I felt so bad but Goof said it was worth it to contribute to bringing Anthony into the world.
Goof never left the hospital. He has only left the house for work or the club. And that is for short times. I honestly expected him to be gone shortly after coming home when he realized how hard it was to take care of a baby. Or go to sleep at the clubhouse at night and come over during the day. Goof proves me wrong at every turn. I agreed to try to make this relationship work. But I secretly waited for the other shoe to drop. I'm done with doing that. Goof deserves my full effort and I am going to give it to him.