Chapter 50 Letting Go Completely
My tone was certain, filled with disbelief as I stared at James. Caught with his secret thoughts exposed, James stammered incoherently trying to explain, only to realize he was digging himself deeper.
He gave up trying. Behind his wire-rimmed glasses, something flickered in his eyes.
"Yes. I like Sabby."
He'd admitted it. I stumbled back two steps, my ears ringing.
James's story hadn't explicitly mentioned their feelings for each other. I'd pieced it together from his microexpressions, from how he reacted whenever he mentioned Sabrina. After all, Nicholas and I had feelings for each other—I'd become extra sensitive to these things.
I couldn't help thinking back to my past life. In that life, I'd been completely naive—how could I have understood? Images flashed rapidly before my eyes.
I remembered one day coming home from school. Sabrina had gleefully sidled up to me, bragging, "Catherine, James doesn't want you anymore either!"
I'd flown into a rage and we'd gotten into a physical fight. James had rushed home that night. Seeing both Sabrina and me with injuries on our faces, he'd walked toward me with a dark expression. I'd looked up at him tearfully, thinking he'd come home to back me up.
"James..."
The crisp sound of a slap echoed through the Rosewood family living room. How could my childhood self have withstood that kind of force? I was right in the middle of losing my baby teeth. One that had just barely started to loosen flew right out of my mouth.
My mouth filled with the taste of blood. I'd looked up at James, stubborn and shocked. He remained completely unmoved, just giving me a cold glance. "Next time you dare bully Sabby, you won't get off this easy."
With that, James had gone upstairs, arm around teenage Sabrina. Sabrina had turned back to give me a taunting smile. Everything left unsaid.
I was the youngest child in the family. Sabrina was around Jason's age. How could I possibly bully an older kid? James had known that perfectly well. But his heart had already shifted entirely to Sabrina—why would he care about truth or fairness?
After that, everything changed. Even when Sabrina fell ill and James came to me asking for help, naive me thought it was a chance to repair our relationship. I'd agreed immediately.
But when I was tortured by illness, crying out in pain, James just told me to endure a little longer. There were so many scenes like that. I'd never given up hope back then, thinking it was my fault somehow.
But now... everything had a rational explanation. My gentle, refined James had fallen in love with his non-blood-related sister. To protect and heal his beloved, he'd chosen without hesitation to sacrifice his actual sister.
How absurd.
I didn't know what I looked like right now. Probably a complete mess. But looking at James, I couldn't see a trace of sympathy.
I closed my eyes, feeling suffocated. James tried to salvage things. "Cate, maybe there were misunderstandings back then. We—"
I raised my hand, cutting off whatever he was about to say. "There's nothing more to say."
James's lips moved, but he finally shut his mouth. He knew he shouldn't have developed those feelings for Sabrina. All these years, James had tried to brainwash himself that Sabrina was just his sister. He never imagined that just by reminiscing, I'd see right through him.
He couldn't help falling into thought. Had he really been that obvious?
I didn't care about his messy thoughts. "James." I looked up at him steadily. When he finally met my eyes, I continued, "For Sabrina to live, you need me to die. Is that it?"
Even though I already knew the answer in my heart, I still held onto a sliver of hope. What if? James, oh James—if you'd just say you never wanted me dead, I'd believe you.
Unfortunately, that scenario didn't play out. James had studied medicine for years—how could he not know the harm those drugs caused? Sabrina's recovery meant my death.
James's expression was complicated. "Cate, don't be afraid. I definitely won't let you die."
"Won't let me die," not "you won't die." Two completely different sentences. The former was compensation after harm, the latter a promise of genuine care.
The beautiful bubbles of childhood memories burst in that moment. The James I'd hidden deepest in my heart was kicked out completely.
James, I'm completely done with you.
Seeing my expression shift, James added, "Cate, trust James, okay? You used to trust me most, didn't you?"
"What about you?" I laughed coldly. "When Sabrina came to you with false accusations against me, did you ever trust me?"
Maybe at first he had. But James had been alone in that distant city, and Sabrina had persistently visited him every week. With so many meetings, they'd gradually developed deeper feelings than ordinary siblings. Especially after James fell for Sabrina, his trust in me had completely collapsed.
I could understand it. But I couldn't accept it.
James hemmed and hawed, unable to speak clearly. I understood completely.
"Just go. Keep your promise—don't bother my life anymore. And tell the others to stop wasting their time on me. I'm not saving Sabrina."
This time, my attitude was more resolute than ever before. James knew he couldn't convince me. As I walked away, he hurried to add, "Catherine, I promise. But you have to keep quiet too."
Even at this point, he needed me to keep his secret? I smiled mockingly but nodded in agreement anyway.
James, I'm waiting for the day Sabrina drags you down too. I'll personally send you both to hell together.
The hatred in my heart churned like ocean waves, gradually eating away at my rationality. Maybe I'd been reborn just to dig up all those truths hidden behind my past life, then make the right decisions.
I'd barely walked a few steps when I stopped again. A tall figure stood under a streetlight, the dim yellow glow wrapping him in a soft, gentle filter.
Thinking James might still be nearby, I hesitated briefly before hurrying toward the corner. Nicholas met my eyes and silently followed behind me.
After winding through several turns to reach our apartment building, I finally stopped. I whirled around without warning, startling Nicholas. Completely unprepared, he collided with me. I took advantage of it, wrapping my arms around his waist and burying my face against his chest. My voice came out muffled. "How much did you hear?"
Nicholas seemed at a loss. I felt his whole body stiffen, his hands suspended in mid-air, unsure whether to lower them. But his heart was racing. With my head pressed against his chest, I could hear it crystal clear.
The corners of my lips curved up involuntarily. He really was so innocent.
After struggling for a long time, Nicholas only dared to gently pat my back.
"Everything."