88. Humans are Strange Creatures

88. Humans are Strange Creatures
Emara Stone

“I never told Dakota anything.”

Dr. Xavier Lance shakes his head as he reveals, “I chose not to discuss with him about my dangerous encounters with his beastly personality.”

“Why not?” I stare at him, completely stunned.

“Some truths are better left in the dark.” He replies, perfectly calm.

“I don’t understand.” I blink with a clouded head, “He needs to know what his brutal side did to you.”

“Then what?” Xavier asks, observing me with his laser scrutiny gaze. 

“Dakota would drown in immense guilty. The kind that consumes a person.” His voice low, but sharp enough to pierce through me.

“He would punish himself severely. And I know he would isolate himself from the world and self harm, possibly even attempt to end his own life, believing he deserves it.”

My heart sinks to the bottom like Titanic. Heavy and unexpected.

Guilt crashes over me for all those times I had spat venom at Dakota. 

I called him a monster, blamed him, hated him for every cruel thing Alpha had done to me, without even caring what he might be going through.

“And honestly, that man doesn’t deserve any of it. He already carries enough self hatred to destroy himself, I didn’t want to add more weight to it.” Xavier shares, his voice almost protective.

“As his psychiatrist and someone who has known him for years, my goal is to cure him. Not to throw him under the bus and punish him for actions he didn’t even mean to do.”

Grey eyes watch my reaction closely, the way my fingers tighten in my lap, the slight shift in my breathing as I sweat like a sinner.

“It’s his other personality that needs to be held accountable, but it is very hard to even talk to him. Or stay in the same room.” He sighs deeply.

“You are very brave.” I whisper quietly, “Or completely insane.”

“Maybe both.” Xaver’s lips curve into a small, wolfish smirk.

“You have met his other side couple of times I believe.” He tilts his head, studying me like I am a new species in his tank, “And yet, you are not afraid of him. Not the way most people would be.”

I stare back into the unknown depths of his silver eyes as he slightly smiles, reading me with dark curiosity.

“Tell me, Emara.” The doctor leans forward intriguingly, fingers crossed and eyes never leaving mine as he questions, “How was your experience with Dakota’s Beast?”

I tense immediately. My fingers dig into the fabric of my dress as memories flood in without permission.

‘On all four!’ ‘Tonight I am going to make you a woman.’

‘Open your legs, whore!’ ‘It’s a privilege to get fucked by me.’

Those degrading words echo through my head in his cruel voice, while my body still remembers how he treated me like a fuck toy for his punishment and pleasure.

I slowly lift my gaze. Xavier waits patiently for me, perfectly still as if he has all the time in the world to peel back my layers.

But I couldn’t reveal, instead end up saying, “My experience with him was the worse any female can get from a man.”

“Did he raise a hand on you?” He asks me gravely.

I stare back at him in silence while he carefully observes my every flicker of emotion and slight tremors.

“Did he beat you, Emara?” Xavier presses, more firmly this time. 

“No.” I whisper.

“Did he starve you? Threaten to kill you? Break your bones?” He demands with a severe face. 

“No.” I shake my head, “None of that.”

“Hmm.” Xavier leans back in his sofa, studying me for a long minute with his deep clinical eyes, “I don’t think he has ever truly treated you the worst he could.”

I scoff at his casual words thrown around so easily, “You think so? You have no idea what he did to me!”

“Maybe I don’t.” He replies cynically, tilting his head, “Or maybe I do.”

A heavy silence fills the room as I sit there inspecting how much he actually knows, and how dangerously good he is at bluffing.

“But one thing I am certain, he never truly hated you.” Xavier’s clear articulate voice slices through the deafening silence, “He just didn’t know how to express love.”

Love?

Alpha’s rough voice grazes my ear ‘I love you’ while his hand was wrapped around my throat menacingly.

And Dakota with tears in his eyes, said those same three words to me six freaking times.

“I don’t understand one thing..” I shake my head with confusion.

“Dakota said he always loved me, but in those seven nights, all I felt was his intense hatred towards me. He was so vengeful all the time, his only goal was to take revenge from me, destroy me for losing his job and sending him to jail.”

Xavier watches me carefully, absorbing my painful words.

“And now, all of a sudden his behaviour has flipped completely. He is flirting with me, treating me softly, sending me silly gifts, and even asked me to come back.” I stare at the doctor with disbelief.

“But how am I supposed to believe any of that when all I have experienced is his cruelty?” I swallow, feeling the tightness in my chest.

Dr. Lance remains perfectly still, he didn’t rush to fill the silence. He quietly studies my face, my anxious expression, and my nervous gaze.

“Dakota didn’t hate you.” He says calmly, after a long silence, “Nor did Alpha.”

I blink at the doctor as he sits up straight, unlocking his fingers and keeping his steady gaze on me.

“He was so deeply in love with you, that he made himself hate you.” He continues composedly, “Because it was easier than missing you and wanting you every day.”

My heart thuds heavily against my ribs while I sit frozen in place.

“Hate is simpler. You can live with hate, but you can’t live with half-love in your heart.”

Grey eyes stare back intensely, “It will always long for the other half. And one doesn’t need the other half to hate fully.”

My gaze lowers, absorbing his every word in my head.

“So, he converted all his longing, all that love, feelings into pure hatred. It was his subconscious brain’s way of protecting him from the pain of wanting someone he couldn’t have.”

My fingers tighten on my lap as his voice settles deeper within me.

“For someone like Dakota, whose mind is fractured into different personalities, he couldn’t differentiate between love and hate, when he brought you into his home. They became the same emotion to him.”

I feel a sharp twist in my chest, feeling everything at once. 

“All those seven nights he went through a tug of war, whether to accept his feelings for you, or listen to his brutal side who only wanted revenge for the pain you caused him.”

Xavier watches me carefully as he utters, “And he only realised his true feelings when he lost you.”

I stare down at my lap, lost in the deepness of the things doctor just revealed.

“I know it must be difficult for you to understand how deep love can twist into such burning hatred.” Dr. Lance states, glancing at his wall of aquariums, “We humans are strange creatures.”

“No, I understand perfectly.” I lift my eyes, his gaze turns back to me and eyebrows rise slightly in surprise as I tell him, 

“Because I did the exact same thing to Ryan.”