47. Anxiety, somebody's watching me

47. Anxiety, somebody's watching me
Garber Yarros’ POV – 2 Weeks Later

I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to ease my guilt, but even the people I feel guilty towards aren’t giving me the chance to make it up to them.

Rose, for one, was ‘sick’ throughout last week that even some classmates had to go visit her home.

Clearly, she wasn’t afking, and I knew from our social media interactions that she didn’t want me visiting, because for one, it was zero.

Not only had she blocked me on all socials, she’d gone ahead to delete the pictures I’d initially begged her to.

Obviously, she’d been traumatized for life.

Dinner had gone quietly well—if we excluded the fact that we had to call an ambulance over because apparently, Mia had an allergy to honey and was too terrified to mention or even show any symptoms in fear that she would cough and make the table a mess. So she waited until Rina went up before telling me about it.

And by then, her throat had started to close up.

My guilt towards her came from not warning her ahead and choosing to traumatize her in place of facing the consequence for not inviting her over.

In my defense, she wouldn’t have realized or even been able to appreciate it, and Rina wouldn’t have let me off either.

So now, I just hoped that she would give me a chance to at least make it up to her.

Dinner or anything that she’s always wanted—except I am now convinced that she wants nothing to do with me.

Because it’s the only thing that would explain why I’m hearing rumors about my own girlfriend wanting to change schools to move to France with her brother.

It made no sense for someone who had failed French all through middle school.

The second person I felt guilty towards was Luis.

I’d tried to take advantage of him in my moment of excitement, but he had pushed me away to respect my relationship. He was clearly hurt, yet he did it, and minutes after, I’d asked Mia out in front of the whole school.

We didn’t see each other for the rest of that day, and I thought all would be well until he started hanging out with some strange face. I thought I would get the chance to explain in class, only to realize that he’d changed most of his subjects except for the core ones, so we only had two classes together in the past week.

Luis was unserious, never dumb, so it was very easy for him to take the exams to qualify him for a change of specification despite being in 12th grade.

It’s frustrating. It’s draining. And I want to die—but my guilt wouldn’t let me.

Not when my heart would skip every time I perceived his citrus scent or heard his voice in the hallway.

He was always either in the arts room or the rooftop or with his new friend whose name I’d come to learn was Rose.

A name that burdened my heart because of the beauty the bearer carried.

“That guy could very much be a woman. Why are you so obsessed with him?” The guy at my table—whose name I couldn’t be bothered to remember—said.

We were clearly on the same sports team. I recognized them by their position when we played. A game I clearly haven’t been in the right state of mind to play.

“What do you mean?” I furrowed my eyebrows as I stared at the table Rose was at.

Luis wasn’t in the cafeteria—he hadn’t been for the past two weeks—and I blamed myself.

“He is intersex… or is it transgender?” the guy mumbled dumbly. I wanted to smack him in the face to straighten his sentence, but I had no choice but to hold back my aggression.

If I started, I wouldn’t be able to stop.

“What do you mean?” I asked calmly instead.

“You didn’t know?” he turned to look back at me. “There was even a time some non-governmental organization came here to celebrate him ’cause he has both genders ambiguously. And he’s also the reason the school celebrated Pride last June.” He continued to explain, and despite his words making sense, none of the so-called events sounded familiar in my ears.

“I see,” I nodded as I started to get out of my seat. That was clearly all the useful information I could get from him, seeing how I wasn’t interested in the news of who was dating who.

Now that he wasn’t with Luis, it was the best time to find him to talk. But the moment I got up, someone called my attention from the front of the door.

Or rather, from the cafeteria’s speaker.

“Garber Yarros, your attention is needed at the principal’s office now. Garber Yarros of Class 12, your attention is needed at the principal’s office now,” the announcement rang twice before stopping, and there was a bit of an uproar, as I felt multiple pairs of eyes on me—amongst them was the one belonging to Rose, and I turned around to meet his gaze.

He didn’t back away. Instead, he let out a smirk like there was some inside joke only I wasn’t aware of.

I looked away as my tablemate jerked my arm.

“Did you win any new awards? I’m certain you didn’t have any time for competitions while we were drinking and partying during the holiday,” he jeered at me as I snatched my hand from his grip.

“I don’t know why the principal is calling. Don’t jump to any conclusions,” I said with a straight face as I climbed out from the table and headed to where I was being called.

Any other time in the past, that announcement would have gotten me excited, because it meant that I was in the spotlight.

But right now, being in the spotlight doesn’t necessarily mean a good thing.

It could mean my secrets got exposed, and with each passing day there have been even newer things that I’ve been trying to hide.

I knocked on the principal’s door with a heavy heart.

PRIDE MONTH, DAY 22