Chapter Eight

For some people, going to a university means the first chance at real independence, or maybe they just want to delay the onset of adulthood for a little while longer. For others, going off to college or a university just means new opportunities to torture and bully others. I’d come to this place with hopes and dreams, a desire to be someone I’d never allowed myself to be. I’d worked hard all through high school to earn the opportunity that so many others were given and took for granted. I planned to be relaxed at this phase of my life; a little more outgoing even. I wanted to spend some time at parties and hang out with cool people that made me think.

Instead, I’d had Amanda and her attempts to make my life miserable from the start. Attempts that succeeded for a very long time. I know the Rome brothers think it’s Amanda on the other end of the chat box, but despite that, I still felt my confidence growing with every day that passed. I turned in my final projects, and today I had to take my final exams. After this, my life at this place that was a haven for so many, but hell for me, would be over.

Nothing could bring me down.

Not even the bomb that Brooklyn dropped on me early that morning. She’d rushed off to the bathroom before I’d even climbed out of bed. From the way she moaned, I figured she really needed it. I was just getting my clothes on when she came back, looking like she was about to die from the plague.

“What is wrong with you, Brook? You look terrible?” I rushed up to her and put my arm around her shoulder. She was hunched down, her arms wrapped around her stomach. She looked even paler than usual and the skin around her eyes and nose was red.

“I wanted to talk to you about it, I just haven’t had the nerve.” She walked over to her bed and sat down. I followed beside her and held her right hand in mine. There were tears in her eyes and she looked so sad it nearly broke my heart in two. “I’m pregnant.”

“What?” My explosive question and look of shock made her flinch away a little.

“I know, I know. I should have known better. We should have been more careful. But it’s happened and now… well, I’m pregnant.”

“Brooklyn!” I pulled her back into my arms and hugged her tight. “Things happen, otherwise, there’d be far fewer people in this world, I’m sure.”

“I know. It’s one of the reasons we decided to stay in Charlotte. It’s a place we know, with doctors we know.” She pulled away from me and swiped at her eyes. “I’m about four months along, so I’ll have just enough time to start work, get used to it, and then have to go on maternity leave.”

“It’s not a lot of time,” I agreed, my worry now that the hospital would rescind her offer of employment. “They can’t take the job away from you, now can they?”

“No, there’s a clause, or a law, something that protects me. I’ve looked into it already.” She took a deep breath and sat up straighter. “As long as I pass all of the exams and get my license, they can’t take the job offer away.”

“Good. That will protect you anyway.” I didn’t know what else to say. I knew she hadn’t planned this, but it seemed she had decided to keep the baby, so all that was left was being supportive. “Do you know what it is yet?”

“Yeah, she’s a girl. We found out yesterday.” She moved to the nightstand we shared and pulled a picture out of one of her books. She showed me the ultrasound printouts on the sheet. “This is her face, obviously. And that’s her labia and vagina. No penis in sight.”

“I’d want a girl.” I declared though I’d never really thought about it. Children were something for the future after I’d lost my virginity. Now, with Brooklyn’s pregnancy confirmed and brought to life in pictures, I knew that’s what I’d want.

“I just want a healthy baby.” She sounded tired as she said it. She has a busy schedule over the next few weeks, her studying wasn’t over, not by a long shot. She had another state exam she had to take to get her license to work as a registered nurse and things I didn’t even want to think about to get through.

Now she had a baby to worry about on top of that. Life would be hard, but I knew I’d be there to help her through it. We wouldn’t be that far apart, at all. After I came back from Vegas that is.

Graduation was in two days, then I’d fly out from Charlotte for a couple of days, then come back. I’d see her when I got back, for sure.

“You know I’ll be there to help however I can, Brook. You aren’t alone.”

“Oh, I know.” She sniffled as she looked down at the picture. “Stuart is so excited he can barely stand it. He has a job down there, now.”

“Doing what?” I’d always wondered what kind of job you could with an art degree. I couldn’t think of anything other than teaching.

“He’s going to work with a new publishing company. They’re designing comic books, things like that.”

“That sounds lucrative.” I blinked at her waiting on more.

“It is, more than I thought it would be.” She sounded relieved. “I love that boy and his poet’s soul, but I wondered what he’d be able to do.”

“It’ll all work out then, Brooklyn. No worries, right?” I hugged her again and she nodded with a blank stare at the wall.

“I hope so, Nic. I really hope so.” She let her torso flop back onto her bed and stared at the ceiling. “Graduation is almost here, and we’ll be heading back home. I guess we need to pack up soon, don’t we?”

“I’m a little sad about it, actually.” I looked around at the room we’d made our own. Soon, somebody else would be in it and we’d be in our new grownup homes. Well, she would be. I’d be at Mom’s for a little while. I’d decided to stay in the area and not go to Atlanta because Mom and Brooklyn both meant a lot to me.

Mom still worked hard, so I rarely had time to talk to her, but I loved her. Now that I knew about the baby, I wanted to be around for that too, so maybe when I’d saved up enough money, I’d move Mom and me closer to Charlotte.

If she wanted to go with me, that is.

She might not, I thought as I walked to my final exam for the day. My final class, ever, as far as this degree went. I was a little melancholy about that, but at the same time, I was really glad it was over. My grade was so good in the last class that I didn’t really need to take the final, I’d pass anyway, but I wanted to make sure I kept my GPA up. I was a bit of a stickler about it. An old habit from high school that I couldn’t break.

I got through the exam without any problems, I knew all of the answers and walked out of the class to head to the library. Tonight, was my last night of working there, and I wanted to say goodbye to Mrs. Lawson.

“You didn’t have to come in, Miss Howell,” she said with a sad smile. “But I’m glad you did. Come back to my office, won’t you?”

“Sure,” I agreed readily, always glad to help her out.

“Surprise!” She called softly as she opened the door. “Every few years I get to do this, but not very often. Congratulations on your graduation, Nicolette. I’m very proud of you.”

I stared at a cupcake on her desk, a large red velvet cupcake with a sparkler lit in the middle and a banner she’d hung up over her desk. There was a small present beside the cupcake on a plastic plate, and I knew it was for me.

“Oh, Mrs. Lawson.” I felt tears well up in my eyes as she shook my hand and leaned in a little. “Thank you.”

“You’ve been a wonderful helper, Miss Howell, and you’ve worked hard to get through this degree. I’m really quite, quite proud of you.”

She pulled away before it turned into a hug, always so formal but letting loose a little, before she patted my shoulder. With a wide smile, the older woman handed me the present and I opened the pink paper up to see a book. Not a surprise, but what was a surprise was the title.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh. I flicked through it and saw that it was full of illustrations that looked very humorous. I’d enjoy reading it, I thought as I closed the book and looked at the head librarian.

“Thank you, Mrs. Lawson, it’s all very kind of you. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me.” I meant it too. Mrs. Lawson wasn’t exactly a wealth of comfort. Many even thought of her as cold, but behind that glacial exterior was a woman that had decided many years ago to not let the hurt into her world anymore.

That didn’t mean she was cruel, far from it. She’d often done little things to make my day easier. She’d have an extra cupcake sometimes, or she’d share a cake that was far too big for one person. Sometimes she’d save the books for me that she knew I’d need for class, and a slew of other little kind acts that I couldn’t remember at the moment.

I shared the giant cupcake with her, and I told her about my plans for the future. How I’d be close to Brooklyn, whom she’d met more than once, and how she was expecting so we would both be starting more than a new life.

"I'm sure you’ll both have a very good life, Miss Howell. University isn’t the most important part of your life. It just helps you in the next step of your life.” She paused and seemed to come to a decision. She looked up into my eyes, revealed the lines and wrinkles that adorned her clean skin and the pain in her deep brown eyes. “I’ve hidden in this library my entire life, Miss Howell. It’s comforted me through that life. You deserve to go out and live the life I should have lived.”

“Oh, Mrs. Lawson.” Tears pricked at my eyes, and I looked down at my hands. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Miss Howell. Now, let’s get to work, shall we?”

I smiled and nodded with acceptance. It was back to normal now. But I knew a lot more about her than I thought I did now. I didn’t know her exact story, but I didn’t need to. Something had happened a long time ago, something that had hurt her deeply. I could understand that hurt and knew she was right. I shouldn’t hide away.

I didn’t exactly plan to. I was going to go to Las Vegas in a few days, and I would make the most of it. I didn’t know what I’d do if the brothers kicked me out of the hotel room, but that just meant I had to be very careful. I’d have to talk my way into it somehow. Into their lives, at least for the two days that had been planned.

The shift ended without any problems. The hours were filled with students bringing books back and paying any late fees due. It kept me busy and when we closed for the night, I looked back at the building for a moment. The library had been my first real job and it came with a lady who taught me more than she knew over the last few years.

“Goodbye, Mrs. Lawson,” I called one last time as she walked to her car.

“Goodbye, Miss Howell. I hope to see you again one day.” She waved and I watched her walk away. She had on a deep blue skirt suit, probably from the 1980s from the design, but still perfectly suited to her slim frame. Her black heels were thick like I’d seen in movies from the 1950s, and her hair was up in a tight bun. The stereotypical librarian, but also a hidden font of knowledge. I’d miss her, I decided as I walked back to the dorm.

Brooklyn was with Stuart, so I spent the evening packing. Mom was coming up for graduation and would stay at a nearby hotel. I’d have my car packed and ready to go once the ceremony was over. We’d head back together, and that would be the end of my time here.

I felt a little overwhelmed at the prospect. My time would no longer be dictated by classes and homework. It would be dictated by my employer and my own decisions. I turned on some music and sat by the window that overlooked the parking lot. Students walked by, relaxed and smiling. A few still looked stressed and full of anxiety, but most of the students were doing the same thing I was.

Packing up to go home. Some would be going home for the summer, only to come back in the fall, but others were like me. Ready to go out into the world now.

My phone pinged and I glanced at it.

For the last few years I’d wanted to lose my virginity and it hadn’t happened. I was almost glad about that as I read the text from Daniel. He was home alone and needed a hand with a certain problem he had. I texted back and said I’d be more than happy to help him get rid of that problem.

This was why it didn’t bother me that I was about to graduate, and I was still a virgin. I had four men more than ready, and willing to take care of that problem for me. Well, for Amanda, but I’d talk my way into that hotel room somehow. I knew I could.

I just had to have faith in myself.

In the end, I’d ruin Amanda’s plan, something she’d strived to achieve for four years, while I reclaimed my self-worth. It was crazy, but it was my plan. And if it failed, I’d go home and try something else. It wouldn’t be the end of the world.

But I’d still try fucking hard to talk those guys into letting me into their room. I wanted it more than anything I’d wanted in my life. I felt my phone buzz and glanced down at it. I wanted everything they’d offered me, whether it was crazy or not.