Chapter 238 Fear Tastes Like Salt

Chapter 238 Fear Tastes Like Salt
POV: Silver Preston
I sit in my dorm room with an ice pack strapped to my knee, still wearing my skating clothes, feeling more alive than I have in months.
"You're smiling," Riley observes from her desk. "Like, actually smiling. Not the polite fake one. The real thing."
"I skated." I cannot stop the smile even if I try. "I actually got on the ice and skated."
"We know. Americus has been live-texting us updates since you left for the rink." Maya holds up her phone. "Quote: 'She's doing it. She's actually doing it. I might cry.'"
"I did not cry," Americus calls from her bed, not looking up from her laptop. "I was merely experiencing overwhelming pride manifesting as optical moisture."
"You cried," Riley and Maya say in unison.
I laugh. It feels good. Easy.
"My knee hurts like hell but I don't even care."
"How bad?" Riley's expression turns serious. "Should we call Dr. Chen?"
"No. It's just sore. Normal post-exercise sore." I adjust the ice pack. "I didn't push too hard. Just glided. Felt the ice again. Remembered what it was like."
"And Eli was there," Americus says, finally looking up. "Watching you like you were performing for the Olympics instead of doing basic glides."
"He caught me when I stumbled."
"Of course he did. That boy would catch you if you tripped over air." She closes her laptop. "So. We need to talk about something."
"Why do I not like the sound of that?"
"Because you know what I'm going to say." Her expression is serious. Rare for her. "You're in love with him. Completely, totally, stupidly in love. And you're still scared."
I open my mouth to deny it. Close it. Because she is right.
"I am scared," I admit quietly. "Terrified, actually."
"Of what?" Maya asks gently. "He's proven himself. Multiple times. What are you still afraid of?"
"That this is too good. That something will go wrong. That I'll mess it up or he'll realize I'm not worth all the trouble." I pull the ice pack off my knee. It is numb now. "That I'll let myself be happy and then it'll all fall apart."
"So you're afraid of being happy," Riley says. "That's what this is."
"Maybe." I stare at my hands. "I've spent so long being scared. Being careful. Keeping one foot out the door. And tonight, on that ice, I realized I'm tired of it. Tired of protecting myself from good things because they might turn bad."
"Breakthrough moment," Americus says. "Finally."
"I don't hate him," I say. The words feel important. "I know we've said we love each other. But there's been this part of me that's been holding back. That's been waiting for him to prove he's like everyone else. And tonight, watching him just sit there and support me without needing anything back--" My voice cracks. "I don't hate him. I don't even resent him. I'm just, I'm all in. Finally."
"About damn time," Americus says.
"I never hated you either."
I jump. Turn toward the door.
Eli stands in the hallway, visible through the open door we had forgotten to close. He must have been there for a while.
"Sorry," he says. "Didn't mean to eavesdrop. Came to check on your knee. Heard voices." He steps into the doorway. "But for the record, I never hated you. Not even when you were pushing me away. Not even when you thought I was the enemy. Never."
I feel my throat tighten.
"How much did you hear?"
"Enough." He looks at my roommates. "Can I borrow her for a minute?"
"She's not mine to lend," Americus says. "But yes. Take her. Talk. Process. We'll be here judging you both lovingly from a distance."