Chapter 130 YOU DON’T GET TO BE SCARED

Chapter 130 YOU DON’T GET TO BE SCARED
Jack woke before his alarm.

For a few seconds he did not know why.

The room was gray with early morning light.

The curtains had been left slightly open, allowing the pale sky to spill across the floor in thin, cold stripes.

He lay still, staring at the ceiling, listening to the quiet.

No soft breathing from the other side of the room. No shift of blankets. No familiar sound of Luca turning over.

He turned toward the other bed.

Empty.

Jack stared at it. The blanket was exactly where he had left it the night before. The pillow had not moved. The mattress looked untouched.

Luca should have been there—hair messy, face half-buried in the pillow, one arm thrown over the edge the way he always slept when he was tired.

Jack got out of bed and crossed the room. The floor was cold under his bare feet. He touched the mattress. Cold. His fingers stayed there longer than they needed to.

This was the first morning since training began that Luca had not slept in their room.

And suddenly Jack understood something he had never fully understood before.

Every time he disappeared without telling Luca, this was what Luca woke up to. An empty bed. No explanation. No idea where the person he loved was. Jack’s jaw tightened.

He whispered, “Shit.”

Even when they argued. Even when one of them was angry. Even when Luca needed space. Luca had always come back.

Jack’s stomach tightened. He remembered all the times he had left the room without explaining where he was going. The times Luca had waited. The unanswered messages. The worried expression.

Where were you?
I was worried.

Jack had always thought Luca was overreacting.

Now he understood.

His feet hit the floor harder than necessary. “Fuck.”

He grabbed his phone and checked it. Nothing. No message. No missed call. Nothing from Luca.

Jack stood. He did not bother getting dressed properly. He pulled on a hoodie, shoved his feet into his shoes, and walked out.

He went straight to Jay and Noah’s room.

He knocked hard.

Nothing.

He knocked again. “Jay.”

A muffled voice came from inside. “What?”

“Open the door.”

There was a pause. Then footsteps. The door opened. Jay stood there with sleep still heavy in his face, hair sticking up in several directions. Noah was behind him, wrapped in a blanket, eyes half-closed.

Jay blinked. “Jack?”

“Where’s Luca?”

Jay frowned. “What?”

“Luca. Where is he?”

Noah exchanged a glance with Jay. “We don’t know.”

Jack’s expression tightened. “What do you mean you don’t know?”

“He wasn’t in our room.”

Jay rubbed his face. “Sam took him somewhere yesterday after practice.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know.”

Jack stared at him. “You’re his friend.”

“So are you.”

The words landed harder than Jay intended. Jack’s jaw clenched. Jay seemed to realize it.

“Sorry.”

Jack looked away. “Did he come back here?”

“No.”

“Did you talk to him?”

“No.”

Jack turned and walked away without another word.

He checked the cafeteria.

Empty tables. The smell of coffee and last night’s cleaning solution. No Luca.

The common room. Nothing.

The swimming pool. The water lay still under the fluorescent lights. Empty benches. Empty changing rooms.

He checked the library. Quiet. Empty at this hour.

He went outside. The cold air hit his face, sharp and clean. His eyes scanned the campus paths, the benches, the shadows under the trees. Nothing.

His thoughts became increasingly ridiculous. He checked his phone again. No messages. His thumb hovered over Luca’s name. He did not call. He could not decide whether calling would be crossing a line or admitting he had never really accepted the one he created.

Then another thought hit him. The swimming club. It was ridiculous. Luca did not even swim this early. But Jack went anyway. The pool area was empty. He checked the benches. The changing rooms. Nothing.

Jack cursed under his breath. He thought about going to Coach.

Then stopped. If Coach found out Luca had spent the night outside the dorm without permission, Luca could get into trouble.

Jack looked toward the hallway. He could not even protect Luca without risking hurting him. He ran a hand through his hair.

“Where are you?”

“Idiot,” he muttered.

He turned away. For a moment he considered going to Coach. His fingers tightened around his phone. Coach could help. Coach could search the campus.

But Coach would also ask why Luca had disappeared. Then there would be questions. Where had Luca been? Why wasn’t he in his dorm? Who had he been with?

Jack swallowed. No. Not yet. He could not put Luca in trouble because he was worried.

So Jack kept walking.

He crossed toward the senior side of campus. The buildings there were quieter at this hour. He checked the lounge. The study room. The small courtyard. Nothing.

Then he heard voices.

Jack stopped. One voice was familiar. Sam. The other—his heart stumbled. He turned.

Luca was walking toward him.

Beside him was Kian, carrying his bag. Luca looked exhausted. His hair was messy, his eyes slightly swollen. He had one hand pressed against his temple. Kian was holding his arm. Not possessively. Just helping him walk. But Jack did not see it that way.

Something twisted violently inside his chest. His eyes dropped to Kian’s hand. Then to Luca. Then back to Kian. His feet moved before his mind caught up.

“Luca.”

Luca looked up. Their eyes met. Jack crossed the remaining distance. Kian barely had time to react before Jack reached out and caught Luca’s wrist.

Luca’s head snapped toward him. “Jack.”

Jack’s fingers loosened slightly, but he did not let go. “Where were you?”

Luca stared at him. “Let go.”

Jack looked at Kian. “What happened?”

Kian frowned. “Nothing happened.”

“I wasn’t talking to you.”

Kian’s expression hardened. “You’re holding him.”

Jack immediately released Luca. Luca pulled his wrist against his chest. A red mark from Jack’s fingers was beginning to form. Jack saw it. His face changed.

“I’m sorry.”

Luca rubbed his wrist. “You don’t get to do that.”

Jack swallowed. “I was worried.”

Luca stared at him. “You were worried?”

“Yes.”

“Because you didn’t know where I was?”

“Yes.”

Luca gave a short, humorless laugh. “Good.”

Jack flinched. Luca looked directly into his eyes.

“Now you understand how it feels to be left alone.”

Jack’s chest tightened. “What does that mean?”

Luca’s voice rose. “You always disappeared.”

“I know.”

“You’d leave without telling me.”

“I know.”

“I’d sit in that room wondering where you were.”

Jack said nothing. Luca stepped closer.

“I called you.”

“I know.”

“I waited for you.”

“I know.”

“And now you’re angry because I spent one night somewhere else?”

Jack’s jaw tightened. “I’m not angry.”

Luca stared at him. “Really?”

Jack could not answer. Luca looked at him, then back at Jack.

Jack’s voice dropped. “Why did you sleep in Kian’s room?”

"You don’t get to question me.” Luca’s eyes hardened. “That isn’t your business.”

“Luca—”

“No.” He stepped closer. “You ended us.”

Jack went still.

“You told me you had to leave.”

“I know.”

“You told me you needed hockey.”

“I know.”

“You walked out.”

Jack’s throat tightened. Luca’s voice shook.

“So why are you standing here asking me where I slept?”

Jack could not answer. Luca’s eyes filled, but this time he did not cry. He was angry.

“I didn’t tell you because you made it very clear yesterday that you didn’t need me anymore.”

“That isn’t what I meant.”

“But that’s what you said.”

Jack opened his mouth. Nothing came. Luca shook his head.

“You can sleep outside without telling me, but why can’t I?”

Jack froze. There it was. The same pain he had caused him. The same helpless waiting. The same uncertainty.

Jack looked at Luca’s face and suddenly remembered every night Luca had sat awake waiting for him. His voice came out quietly.

“You’re right.”

Luca’s expression flickered. Jack looked down.

“I shouldn’t have asked.”

The admission did not fix anything. It only made Jack feel worse. Kian stepped closer to Luca.

“Come on.”

Luca nodded. Before he left, Jack said—

“Luca.”

Luca stopped. Jack looked at him.

“I was scared.”

Luca’s expression softened for half a second. Then it closed again.

“You don’t get to be scared anymore.”

He walked away. Kian followed. Sam appeared from around the corner a moment later. He looked at Jack. Then at Luca. Then back at Jack.

“Wow.”

Jack said nothing. Sam pulled him away. Jack watched them leave. He did not follow. He could not. He stood there, staring after Luca until they were gone.

Jack remained standing there. His hand moved through his hair.

“Fuck.”

He kicked a small pebble across the pavement. It bounced once. Twice. Then disappeared beneath a bench.

Jack stared after it. He hated himself. He hated the jealousy. He hated the fear.

Most of all, he hated the fact that he had no right to any of it. He had chosen this. And now he was watching Luca slip further away.

Kian looked at Luca.

“You okay?”

Luca pressed his fingers against his temple. “My head hurts.”

Kian reached into his bag and handed him a bottle. “Take this. For your headache.”

“Thanks.”

Sam walked beside him. “You shouldn’t have drunk that much.”

Luca gave him a look. “You told me to.”

Sam winced. “Okay. Fair.”

Kian shook his head. “You’re both idiots.”

Luca opened the bottle. He took it. Then the three continued toward the dorm. Behind them, Jack was still standing alone.

Luca decided he was going to practice.

Not because he felt better. Because Jack had told him to focus. Fine. He would focus.

He arrived at the rink early. He did not look for Jack. He taped his stick. Checked his skates. Adjusted his gloves. Everything precise. Sam watched him.

“You’re really doing this?”

Luca did not look up. “Doing what?”

“Pretending you’re okay.”

Luca tightened the tape. “I’m not pretending.” He finally looked at Sam. “I’m just playing.”

Sam studied him. Luca met his eyes.

“He wanted me to focus.”

Sam understood. “So you’re going to?”

“Yes.”

Jack arrived.

The second he saw Luca, his chest tightened. Luca did not look at him. Not once. That hurt more than anger. Jack put on his gear. They took the ice. The game began.

And somehow both of them played brilliantly.

Luca was sharp. Jack was relentless. They kept ending up near each other passing, blocking, competing. But there was no warmth anymore. Only hockey. When Luca passed to Jack, Jack caught it.

Their eyes met for half a second. Luca immediately looked away. Jack scored. The team cheered. Jack did not celebrate much. His eyes searched for Luca. Luca was already skating away.

Coach shouted, “Carter! Wake up!”

Jack nodded. Across the ice, Luca scored. The team cheered. Luca did not look at Jack. Jack watched him anyway. And realized something awful: Luca was playing better without him.

After the game the team returned to the locker room.

Everyone was talking. Coach congratulated them. “Good game.”

Luca sat quietly. Jack changed quickly. He did not approach him. He knew better now. He grabbed his bag. Before leaving, he looked at Luca. Luca did not look up. Jack left.

Sam watched him go. Then looked at Luca. Luca kept tying his shoe. Sam did not say anything. He knew better.

“You ready?”

Luca nodded. They left together. Jack watched them go. He did not follow. He knew he had no right. And that knowledge hurt.

The team was almost out of the locker room when Coach spoke.

“Jay.”

Jay stopped. Noah looked up. Coach pointed toward the hallway.

“You two. My office.”

The room quieted. Jay and Noah exchanged a look. Noah’s face paled slightly. Jay reached for his hand. Coach noticed. His expression gave nothing away.

“Now.”

Noah swallowed. Jay squeezed his hand once. “Come on.”

They followed Coach. The office door opened. They stepped inside. The door closed.