T h i r t e e n-3

"What do you mean the way she was with me?" Is what I ask him after a long moment. Gideon clearly saw something I had missed. He stares at me a long time. "She was in awe of you." He says. I frown. "What?" "She used to look at you like she couldn't quite believe you were real. She looked at you like that because she was in love with you. Because that's how you look at people you're in love with. You can't believe something that perfect exists." I swallow and try to let his words sink in. They're big and loud, and they echo somewhat incongruously around the inside of me. They don't belong there. I was as far from perfect as people got. He was mistaken. As though he senses the direction of my thoughts he chuckles. "Listen, I'm not saying I understand her opinion, I always thought you were a weird fucker - but Charlie always was a weird chick, what can I say?" his mouth is tilted up in amusement. "Had no idea you were so... poetic." I mutter as I sip my fruity Barbera. "I'm a man of many talents." He smirks. "Wanna know something else?" I gesture for him to go ahead with my hand. "She still looks at you like that. Nothing's changed. Because people don't change." He lifts his beer and tips it back into his mouth before signalling for another round. I gulp back the last of my wine before sliding the empty glass across the table. "What's the moral of this story exactly? The ink's barely dry on her divorce papers Gideon. You didn't see her after. She was hurt, angry - probably at me. Probably because I waved in front of her face how much of a useless bastard he was whilst simultaneously failing at everything I tried to do to help her." I scrub my hand through my hair and over my face as the second round of drinks arrive. "Bullshit," he waves his hand dismissively. "You did help her. The stills are gone aren't they? He signed the fucking papers didn't he? And she's away from the prick. You helped her." "Again, you didn't see her when she left," He frowns. "Did you hear anything I just said?" "Of course I did." I sigh. "Then hear this." He leans toward me. "She's in love with you Christian. She always has been. 8 Fucking years, a smothering father, a prick of a husband, a cunt of a divorce, and whatever else has happened to her hasn't changed the fact that she's still in love with you. Because people don't change. Charlie hasn't changed. Neither have you." "I have changed," I say, fixing him with a hard stare. "I'm not the same guy I was then, Gideon." "Okay fine. Maybe in some things you have. But not fundamentally. Fundamentally you're the same person you were then, and you want the same things as you wanted then." I narrow my gaze on him. "For someone who hasn't seen me in 8 years you sure as hell seem to presume to know a lot about who I am Cross." He smiles and nods. "Yea, I do. And I'm right. Know why?" "No, but I assume you're about to tell me?" He smiles. "Because you look at her in exactly the same way as you did back then. The same way she looks at you. In awe." I want to disagree with him but I find I can't. I was in awe of her. Back then I did look at her like I couldn't believe something so perfect could exist. I just didn't associate it with being in love. The last few days spent with her had been something close to perfect, but I still hadn't really contemplated that I might be in love with her. No, I didn't want her to leave. Yes, I wanted her with me and the idea of losing her was physically painful. But did all of that add up to love? Was that what all of this was? My chest feels oddly tight, and my stomach feels like it's alive with inhabitants of a winged nature. "And when did you get so knowledgeable about all this exactly?" I ask as I twist my glass around and around thoughtfully. "About 3 days ago." He smiles. "You met someone?" He takes his time before answering. "Not someone," He shakes his head. "The one." I nod slowly. "So what would you do if this was her? If this was you and her?"