T w e l v e-5

"You wont be able to call her that for much longer." I correct. "Yeah well, here's a bit of advice from me: Be careful what you wish for. Good luck striving to be what she wants. Hell knows I tried for years. And failed, for years, it seems. I loved her with everything that I had and it wasn't enough," He shakes his head. "I don't think anyone will be enough for her." He sounds defeated. He looks defeated. "Maybe you just weren't enough for her?" I offer, cruelly. Just then the doors open and the elevator attendant smiles politely at us. "No. I wasn't," he says. "But you better hope you are, Grey. Because losing her isn't something I'd wish on my worst enemy. And at this moment, I think that might actually be you," he says as he steps into the elevator. I'm frozen to the spot a moment after the doors close and it starts to descend before I force my feet to move back to the suite. As I enter she looks up at me hopefully, she's sitting in Matthew's chair, Gideon next to her, hand on her shoulder. I shake my head softly, which makes her lower her head again. In the continued silence of the room, the only thing I can hear are Walker's words hanging over me, heavy and portentous. Losing her isn't something I'd wish on my worst enemy. "Okay, well I now have an extra five million bucks I never had this morning that I need to go spend." Gideon says standing. I roll my eyes at him and he shrugs before turning to gaze down at Charlie. "You okay sweetheart?" He asks. "I will be." She smiles and stands to wrap her arms around him. This time there are no thoughts of jealousy or lingering resentment about seeing them together. My mind is too full of other thoughts to even contemplate that one. Gideon shakes my hand with a promise to keep in touch, before exiting the suite, leaving Charlie and I alone. She stares at me, looking fragile and a little lost, like she did in the Gallery when I first saw her again. I want to go to her, but something feels different now. She looks different. The way she's looking at me is different. I'm about to ask her what it is when she walks toward me and stops. She peers up at me through gorgeous glittering green eyes tinged with sadness. "Hold me. I honestly don't know how I feel right now. Or how I expected I would feel right now but I just... I just need you to hold me Christian, please." She pleads. Without another thought, I wrap my arms around her and pull her tight to my chest. She's warm and soft, but I can feel the tension in her body as I hold her. She turns her head and reaches for my mouth with hers, kissing me softly, moaning as she strokes her tongue against mine. Soon, I feel her soften in my arms and I slide my hands up, over her breasts to her throat, desperate to feel the touch of her skin under my fingers. Our kiss deepens and I feel that soft, familiar pounding between my legs start up once more before suddenly, she breaks away from my mouth. She steps out of my hold, looking confused. Angry maybe. "What Charlie?" I ask her. "Why do I feel guilty?" She asks me. "Why do I feel like I've done something wrong?" "You haven't done anything wrong. It's a difficult situation. I understand th-." "How can you say that? That you understand? How can you possibly understand Christian?" Her voice is hard, and cold. I take a deep breath. "Okay. I don't understand. Tell me. Tell me how you feel. Why do you feel guilty?" She smiles softly. "Always so considered and in control. Another impressive trait." "Thank you," I say but I don't mean it. I feel her slipping away from me. I had not prepared for this. Not this soon. "You were going to hurt him. That wasn't very controlled of you." "I was in control. I was angry. I wanted to hurt him." "Because of what he said?" "Yes. And for what he did to you." "Because he lost his temper? Because he got angry?" she says pointedly. I narrow my eyes. "Are you defending him?" "No. I don't know." She admits. "You know what, I think I should go. Clear my head," She nods. "My head isn't making sense right now and I have to go think somewhere else." She looks around and lifts her purse from the floor and starts toward the door. I feel utterly useless. Scared to say the wrong thing, scared to say nothing. My mind is in a quiet sort of panic. She stops before she reaches the door and turns around. "He was right you know. What he said before. He never had me. Not really. I think that's what I feel most guilty about." She nods, sounding decisive. "That I made him believe for so long that we could have been happy. That I wasted so much of his time." "Despite that, I don't think he feels that way. I don't think he feels that being with you was a waste of time." "How do you know?" "Because I've been with you. I know what being with you feels like, Charlie. It's not time wasted." She smiles again. It's sad again. "Well, that's because you had me. Whenever I was with you I was with you. Whenever I was with him, I was with you. You always had me Christian." And with that she turns and walks out of the room. I stare after her feeling like I've just been run over by a truck.