I Don't Belong Here

I Don't Belong Here
Maddie

Anguish washes over me when Prince Zachariah breaks our kiss. It takes a moment for my mind to clear and focus on what’s happening, and at that point, he is already arguing with a woman, the same woman he’d been escorting when I first walked into the castle.

His... girlfriend?

What have I done? What was I thinking? I’m his breeder, and that’s all, even if we think we feel a bond. The Alpha King will be furious. I’ll be thrown out of the castle for having the nerve to place my hands on the prince, to think for even a second that I’m his mate, that he’s mine. Not only that, but they’ll probably take away any assistance my family was getting because I came here.

“It’s none of your business what I do with my mate,” he tells her firmly.

“Mate?!” She practically screams the word. “You actually think you’re mated to this... piece of trash?”

I wince when he closes the distance between them, sure he’s going to slap her. But he keeps his hands to himself and replies in a low voice, thick with warning. “You will never speak of her that way again, April.”

A flash of terror arises in her eyes, and she takes a step back. But her recovery is swift. “Fuck you, Zach,” she snaps. “You were going to fucking hit me defending this bitch?”

“April, I’m warning you—”

“And I don’t give a fuck!” she screams. Her gaze flicks to me for a second, the corners of her mouth rising in a poisoned smile before she looks back at him. “I’ll say what I want about her. She’s a bitch and a breeder slut! She was going to fuck you for money, Zach, trying to get her slimy hands on you by popping out a half-breed!”

He answers her, his voice rising, but I don’t hear a word of what he says, those bitter curses April just spit out the only thing echoing in my mind.

I don’t know when I instructed my legs to move, but I’m already running back through the door to the parlor that we came through, where a servant is still cleaning off the lunch table. She startles as I pass, nearly dropping her dust rag.

“Can I get you something, miss?” she asks.

But I’m already past her and out the door. I don’t even stop to close it, just run down the hallway, turning at the first bend just to get more walls, more distance between me and the scene playing out in the garden.

When my breath gets heavy, I start to slow down, finding myself in one of the many unfamiliar hallways of the castle. Slowing to a complete stop, I look behind me, in front of me, but there are no unique objects that give me any bearing on where I might be.

My wolf begs me to open the mind-link, to reach out to a pack member and find my way to familiar territory. That often happened back by the farm when I’d go out for a run and get so lost in thought that things became unfamiliar.

But I’m not home. This isn’t my pack. The Alpha King, who has dominion over all the packs in the kingdom, is the only one who could mind-link with me here. But he would have to open the link first, and I certainly would never ask him for directions. The prince won’t have that connection until he ascends the throne, so I can’t reach him either. If he is truly my mate, maybe we’d have a link once we had been together, but a kiss is never enough to seal that kind of bond, and that won’t help me now. 

I have no right to bond with the Crown Prince of Crystal Waters anyway.

It all just reminds me of how much I don’t belong here, how all I am is a lowly breeder brought in for one purpose: to sleep with the future Alpha King and produce an heir... then leave.

I stand here for a moment, catching my breath and trying to get a bearing on time and space. I must have run for at least half an hour, maybe more.

A maid rounds the corner in front of me, pushing a cart full of cleaning supplies. “Excuse me,” I say to her, miraculously able to use my voice despite my panic. “I’m afraid I’m lost. Can you please direct me back to the breeder’s quarters?”

Her eyes widen for a split second before returning to normal. I guess she’s surprised to see me walking around here. The breeder is probably supposed to just stay in her room until the prince summons her, not wander the hallways of the castle aimlessly.

“Certainly, miss,” she says, pointing behind her. “Go up this hallway and when it ends, turn left. At the end of that hall is a stairway that leads up to the wing where your room is located. I don’t know which suite is yours, but someone should be there to direct you.”

“Thank you,” I tell her, finding that just having someone be nice enough to give me directions is calming me, for now. “You’ve been very kind. What’s your name?”

“My name?” She raises her brow.

“Yes, I’d love to know it,” I say.

“I’m Helga,” she says. “I—thank you for asking.”

“Helga,” I repeat. “That’s a lovely name.”

Pink rises on her cheeks. “Thank you.”

“I’ll see you later maybe,” I say. She gives me a nod, and I follow her directions down the hallways and up the stairs, where I find myself in another hall that looks much the same, until I recognize a painting of a wolf by a waterfall that I recognize.

My room.

Relief—and something else, something uncontrollable—washes over me in such a flood of emotions that tears start to fall, and I run straight toward my bedroom to collapse on the bed. I half expect Ellie to come running in, but I don’t sense her presence in the room.

I’m on my own.

My crying comes out in a muddled mess of blubbering sobs that hitch my breath every few seconds. I don’t even wipe the tears away. I just let them fall, messing up all the makeup Ellie so meticulously applied and smearing my pillowcase.

Nothing matters. I don’t matter. I was so stupid to think that I could be the mate of a prince. I was stupid to think he’d stand up to me against April and would run after me, taking me in his arms and telling me that I truly was his mate and that nothing she said was true.

He’s the prince. Why on earth would he run after some lowly farm woman who is here to be his breeder? Why would I be his mate? I have zero royal blood. There’s no way the Moon Goddess would pair him with someone so far below his status.

It’s ridiculous, the more I think of it. Maybe I imagined the feeling. He’s so handsome. His smile is so warm and inviting. He smells... fantastic, like chocolate and caramel all rolled into one. I thought that was his mate scent for me. How ridiculous. I’m sure he just smells that way to everyone who walks into a room with him.

I am... nothing to him.

My wolf lets out another hollow wail inside me, but I stop crying and struggle to catch my breath again. I honestly don’t think I have any tears left to fall.

I’ve made a bigger mess on the pillowcase than I imagined. I can’t possibly leave this for Ellie to clean up, so I peel it off the pillow, which thankfully is only slightly damp. I set it where it will air out and carry the pillowcase to the bathroom. As I wait for the sink to fill, April’s evil words echo in my mind.

But I don’t cry again. That’s just pointless. I am who I am, and no amount of crying is going to change that. I’ll just have to do whatever I’m supposed to do here and then return home. Perhaps I will just stay in my room until the prince calls for me. Maybe he’ll just come to my room and... do what we need to do to make the baby.

Though, I’m not sure I can bear nine months of just sitting in my room while pregnant. Maybe I’ll take walks around the servant’s wing. I won’t ever run into April there. Maybe Ellie will bring me some books from the library, and I’ll spend my days alone, reading.

Yes, that’s what I’ll do.

I’ll fulfill my duties and then leave, and I’ll stop acting like some fairytale romance with a prince is real.

No matter how real it feels.

I use some hand soap to scrub the makeup and tears off my pillowcase, and my mind wanders. The pain is still so real. It festers as a sour lump in my stomach, weighted down like iron.

Have I been rejected? Is that what this is? It can’t be. I would have had to be his actual mate for him to reject me, and that’s not possible.

The kiss was pure bliss. He was so warm. His arms enveloped me, and I felt so safe, so full of joy. I was sure I felt the ribbon of our connection, our bond strengthening when he pulled me in tighter. The sudden break, the emptiness that followed was too much of a shock to my system.

As I rinse off the pillowcase, I think of my family—my father tending the fields with Josh while my mother is in the house nursing Cindy’s fever and teaching Katy how to do some of the chores—chores I should be there doing.

I belong there, not here. I should go back and just forget any feelings that surfaced when Prince Zachariah kissed me.

Maybe there’s a way I can sneak out of here and go back home.