378

378
KAREN’S POV

Miss Rose didn’t say much as she gently took my hand and led me upstairs. I knew why she was doing it. The living room was not the place for me to fall apart, not when the house still felt tense and unsure. I followed her quietly, my chest heavy, my head aching from all the thoughts swirling inside it.

When we got to my room, she closed the door softly behind us. The room felt too quiet, and big. I walked to the bed and sat down slowly, my hands shaking a little.

“I feel terrible,” I finally said, my voice breaking. “I feel like a bad mother.”

Miss Rose sat beside me immediately. 

“Karen, please don’t say that.” she said with concern.

“But it’s true,” I cried. “I didn’t even realize how hard this would be for Sugar. He’s only six. I expected him to just understand everything because he’s smart. I thought he would adjust easily, but he’s hurting. He’s been hurting quietly, and I didn’t see it.”

My tears fell freely now as I said that.

“I moved him into a new house, changed his routine, brought a new man into his life who is actually his real father, and I thought everything would be fine,” I sobbed. “What kind of mother does that?”

Miss Rose held my hands tightly. 

“A human one,” she said softly. “A woman who is also learning as she goes.”

I shook my head. “I should have known better.”

“No,” she replied gently. “You couldn’t have known everything. You were hurting too and were healing. Mothers are not perfect, Karen. We make mistakes, and we learn from them.”

I looked at her through my tears. 

“But Sugar misses his father so much. I saw it today. I saw it in his eyes, and in that letter. I broke him.”

“You didn’t break him,” Miss Rose said firmly. “He’s confused. That’s different. And confusion can be fixed with love, patience, and honesty.”

I sniffed. “What if I’m ruining him?”

She shook her head. “You’re not. You love your children more than anything. That alone already makes you a good mother.”

Her words calmed me a little, but the guilt was still there, heavy and stubborn.

“I just don’t want my children to grow up resenting me,” I whispered. “I don’t want them to feel like I chose my happiness over theirs.”

Miss Rose sighed softly. “Sometimes, choosing your happiness is also choosing theirs. Children feel it when their mother is broken. They feel it when she’s unhappy. You’re trying to do what’s best, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.”

I leaned into her shoulder, exhausted. “I’m scared,” I admitted to her. “I don’t know if I’m doing anything right.”

She stroked my hair gently. “You will figure it out. One step at a time.”

I don't know how many experiences Miss Rose has had, but she really speaks like a mature woman.

We stayed like that for a while. My tears slowed down, my breathing became steady and the room felt warmer.

“You should rest,” Miss Rose said softly. “You’ve had a long day.”

I nodded weakly. “Okay.”

She helped me lie down properly and pulled the blanket over me. Before leaving, she looked at me once more. 

“You are not a bad mother, Karen. Please remember that.”

I didn’t respond to that though because my eyes were already closing. Sleep came quickly to snatch me and I was weak before it.

~

When I woke up, the room was dim. I glanced at the clock beside my bed. About an hour had passed. My heart jumped immediately.

“The kids,” I whispered.

I sat up quickly, panic rising in my chest. I wanted to call Roland and ask how Sugar and Karie were doing. I needed to hear that they were fine, laughing, and safe.

I reached for my phone and opened my contacts.

Then I froze.

Roland’s name wasn’t there. My fingers trembled as I scrolled again, hoping I was mistaken. But no matter how many times I checked, his contact was gone. I had deleted it after our divorce, without thinking, driven by anger and pain.

“Oh God,” I murmured.

I dropped the phone on the bed. I didn’t know his number by heart and didn’t know how to reach him either. A wave of helplessness washed over me.

“What if something happens?” I whispered anxiously.

I stood up and paced the room slowly, biting my nails. I considered calling Miss Rose, but I didn’t want to get her worried. I thought of calling Ashley if he possibly had it, but he was busy and this wasn’t something he could fix.

All I could do was wait.

I sat back on the bed, my hands clasped together tightly. 

“Please don’t stay out too long,” I prayed silently. “Please bring them back safely.”

My heart beat fast as I stared at the door, hoping it would open soon.

At some point, I couldn’t sit still anymore.

The waiting was driving me crazy, so I went into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I stared at my reflection for a few seconds, my eyes still swollen from crying, my face tired. I took a deep breath and straightened my shoulders.

“Get it together, Karen,” I whispered to myself.

I stepped out of my room and headed straight to the kitchen. I needed to do something to stop my mind from wandering into dark places. Cooking usually helped. It always had.

“I’ll make food for them,” I muttered. “For the kids and Ashley.”

I tied an apron around my waist and began pulling out ingredients. As I washed vegetables and placed pots on the stove, I tried to convince myself that everything was fine.

“You’re doing this for Sugar,” I reminded myself quietly. “He just needs time. He’ll understand. He will.”

The kitchen slowly filled with the smell of food. I stirred, tasted, and adjusted spices, moving on autopilot. My thoughts, however, were far away, on Sugar’s face when he ran to Roland, and other things I noticed.

“I’m not hurting you,” I said softly as I stirred the pot. “I’m trying to help you.”

The words felt weak, even to my own ears.

Still, I kept going. I served some of the food and covered it, then made more. I wanted the table to look warm, and welcoming. I wanted my kids to walk in and feel safe. All I just desired was for everything to feel normal, even if just for tonight.

When I was finally done, I leaned against the counter and exhaled deeply.

“They’ll be back soon,” I told myself. “Everything is fine.”

Just then, my phone buzzed on the counter and I froze.

My heart skipped, then began to race. I grabbed the phone quickly, hoping and praying it was Roland telling me they were on their way back. But the number wasn’t saved.

My stomach dropped as I realized it was that same unknown number.

My fingers trembled as I opened the message.

“I have both your children now, Karen. Feels good.”

The world seemed to tilt. The phone slipped from my hand and hit the floor with a loud sound, but I didn’t hear it properly. My ears were ringing. My chest felt tight, like someone was squeezing my heart.

“No…” I whispered, shaking my head slowly. “No, no, no.”
I picked up the phone again, my hands shaking violently, my eyes blurring with tears as I reread the message again and again, hoping I had misunderstood it.

My knees gave out, and I sank onto the kitchen floor.

“God, please,” I cried softly. “Please, not my children.”

My heart pounded wildly as fear swallowed me whole.