Chapter 18

The ride back home was silent. Gabe was way too stiff, his grip on the steering tightening and Lena wondered how he still managed to drive under the limit. So much was swirling around in her head. Questions like who was that man? Why did he seem to have much power over them? Over Damon? Why were they so scared of him? Why had he asked them to leave? Ugh, she was going to go mad with all these unanswered questions. It didn't help that she was the exact definition of inquisitive.

She hardly noticed when Gabe pulled up at their front door. He was taking Care home so he wasn't coming in with her. She frowned. Being by herself wasn't going to help one bit. Still, without a word, she got out of the car, then walked to the house.

At the sound of the car speeding away, she sighed. Why did men have to be so secretive? It was annoying.

She didn't notice the figure sitting on the porch until she got nearer.

Matt.

"Matt?"

Slowly, he raised his head to meet her gaze. Lena noticed he was drunk. He looked tattered, the beard on his face was more than a stubble and his eyes were bloodshot red. Last time she'd seen him was almost three weeks ago when he'd confronted her at the company's parking garage.

"What are you doing here?" She took cautious steps towards him, slightly weary. "And why the hell have you been drinking?"

He might not have been the best boyfriend, but he had been there, especially when she'd needed someone by her side. He'd shown support and strength, at least until he'd started messing around.

"Leeena." His words were slurred, and he stumbled as he lifted himself up. Reaching her in long strides, he grabbed her face in his hands. "I… I've been w… wa... waiting fi you. Where d... did you go?"

"Matt, you're drunk. You need to go home," she said, but made no attempt to touch the hands on her face.

"No!" It came out sharp. "I'm... miserable with... without you. Come home with me." His arms went around her, pulling her flat against him.

Lena couldn't stand the contact. The stench of alcohol drifted through her nose, filling her sense. She was sick to the stomach. She prayed for Anne and George to hurry up and get here, because she didn't know it how long she could stand this.

"Let me go, Matt." She struggled for freedom, which was proving difficult because he had a really strong grip. "Let me go," she said again, before pushing him away so hard he staggered back. In anger, her hand went across his right cheek, slapping him. Her hand stung.

The night had been hectic enough, she honestly didn't need more drama.

"Don't ever touch me against my will," she breathed in annoyance. "What the hell are you even doing here?"

The slap seemed to have sobered him up. "You. I'm here for you. I swear I'm miserable without you. I miss you. Everything. Your smell, your laugh, your touch. I'm all alone, Lena, can't you see? You are the only good thing I have."

"Matt..."

"I fucked up. I know that, but I'm human, aren't I?" he continued, and his eyes filled. "I was stupid and I was selfish and I'm sorry. I need you, Lena. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I need you way more than you need me, I know that too."

"You've missed the boat, Matthew. You're wasting your time." Her hand ran through her hair in frustration, thinking of all the times they'd spent together. The good and the bad. She realized she wouldn't change anything, because the lessons she'd learned were priceless. You didn't go through life and say you truly lived if you didn't have regrets. Matt had been her rock once upon a time and he'd been the one to break her. That wasn't something she would forget for a long time.

"Don't tell me to trust you while I'm still coughing up water from the last time you let me drown," she said softly, feeling the tears that had formed in her eyes run down her face. It was so sad when the one who'd meant everything once, meant nothing now. "I deserve better. I deserve to be loved, wildly, passionately, deeply. I deserve to be known and accepted and appreciated. That's something you're not capable of."

The words hit him like a lash. His eyes said it all. But Lena couldn't bring herself to give any fucks whatsoever. All of a sudden, she was angry. Angry at him, angry at Damon for keeping secrets, angry at Gabe for sleeping under the same roof every night and still letting her stay in the dark. She was angry at herself mostly, for even caring at all. It wasn't her business, she knew.

"Was it worth it?" It was something she'd pondered a thousand times. Hadn't she been good enough? She'd given everything: her body, her mind, her soul. Hadn't it been enough? What more had he wanted?

"No." He shook his head furiously, taking a step closer. "I swear you were enough for me. You were fucking enough," he wanted to say more, do more, touch her, anything. But she wouldn't like that, he reminded himself.

"Then why?" she cried. "Then did you hurt me several times? Why did you make me bleed from the inside? Over and over again, Matthew, I forgave you. Why did you keep hurting me?"

Two fat tears rolled down his face. "I don't know. It was stupid. I got greedy and wanted more. I'm sorry. Lena, I am. You don't know how much. I love you."

That was it? He didn't know? "You must think I'm stupid, right? You must think I'm a fool. You thought you were healing me, but you just broke me even more. You're the first person who broke my heart. For the rest of my life, you'll always be the one who hurt me the most. Don't forget that."

She turned to leave, but he drew her back to him, holding her tight to his body. Lena cried even more. She'd loved him. She had.

"One more chance, that's all I'm asking for." His voice cracked with tears. "I'll prove to you that I'm better now. I'll treat you better, love you harder, stare at you closer, touch you deeper. I'll do everything right. Please, I... I don't want to lose you again, Lena. You're everything to me."

There they were, in front of her house, bawling their eyes out. They needed this, Lena realized. At least she did. She needed the closure. Now she could finally move on with her life without wondering why he'd did what he did, why he'd treated her the way he did. Which was not to say that she'd ever forgive him, but that she was willing to move past it.

"It's over, Matt," she spoke up, her head still on his chest. "You fucked up. You know that you fucked up. You're sorry, I get it. Trust me, I do. But you being sorry won't change what you did. You being sorry won't change the way I look at you now. There's a limit to what a person can take, a line. And you crossed it. Now he'd have to stay on the other side of that line, far away from her.

The saddest part was realizing they could have made it work. If he'd loved her as much she I loved him, he would've fought for her. But he didn't, and that just meant she loved him more.

"I'm not sorry for wanting what I deserve, Matt, and I'm not afraid to walk away to find it."

His body shook with every breath he took, vibrating through her. She reminded herself that one way or another, it had to be said. No point holding it off. She told herself it was for the best, told herself that she was only doing what was best for her. And she knew she didn't wish him the best. But she didn't wish him the worse either. She simply wished him whatever he deserved. Whether good or bad, that was between karma and him.

Slowly, inevitably, she freed herself from his tight embrace, turned on her heels and headed for the door. She didn't look back, couldn't bring herself to. It was one of those burning bridges moments, where looking back weakened one’s resolve of moving forward. There were better things ahead, she was sure. It was time she cut off all irrelevance and focused on the essentials of her life.

Because that's exactly what he was. Irrelevant.

****

It wasn't long before Anne and George came back. She hadn't heard his voice so she assumed Gabriel didn't come home. He was probably with Caroline. Or maybe he'd gone back to the event, Lena mused.

Lying on her bed, she sighed. She ran a hand down her face, smiling humorlessly. Ever since Damon stormed into her life, it'd been one drama to another. And then there was Matt on another hand, who didn't seem to take no for an answer.

"Hell," she muttered, turning on her side. Folding into herself, she drew the covers over her body. Tired didn't even begin to describe how she felt, she was whipped. Tired of everything. Tired of the secrets, tired of being kept in the dark, tired of everyone treating her like she didn't how what to do, like she was this helpless five-year-old who didn't know her left from her right.

At this point, she wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that Ella knew of this Jackson person, though she highly doubted it. From what she'd seen, the girl probably didn't know.

Great, she thought, her and Ella were probably the only children in the family since they were the only ones who didn't know anything about what was happening.

But knowledge is power, right? Maybe if she knew what happening, she would be able to protect herself if the need ever arose. But from what? Rather, who? Jackson? Vanessa? What were they going to do? Kill her? She almost laughed.

It was only when it hit her again that she remembered she'd been getting dizzy spells for a while now. She almost screamed in frustration. Making a decision to see the family doctor first thing tomorrow morning, she drifted off to sleep.

****

He peered through the slight opening in the door, then smiled sadly at the sleeping figure on the queen-sized bed in the middle of the room.

Damn, he thought. How on earth were they going to protect her from the darkness looming ahead? God only knew she didn't deserve more tears and she certainly didn't deserve to get hurt.

For a brief moment, he was tempted to lock her up in her room until they'd managed to get rid of the monster that'd surfaced. But he knew Lena wasn't a child anymore. She was a full-grown woman, one who had enough charm to bring any man she wanted to her knees. She just didn't know it.

A thought crossed his mind. What if she'd piqued his interest? Any man would be a fool not to see it, but what if he'd seen what all the others saw?

Dread filled his entire body. That wouldn't be good. In fact, it would be terrible.

Something had to be done. Soon.

Quietly, Gabe shut the door. Taking a few steps back, his mind reeled in all the possible ways Lena could get hurt.

One thing was for sure: there was no way he'd sit back and watch while his best friend got sucked into danger. And if he had to kill everyone who posed as a threat, he certainly wouldn't hesitate to do it.

It wouldn't be the first time.