Chapter 68 Formula
ANNA'S POV
“Yeah he did, but it was because I pressured him to tell me,” Ryan said.
I let out a small sigh and pinched my temple lightly, my fingers pressing against my skin. If Dan told him this under pressure, then who knows how many other people he had told the same story to. Dan had never been good at keeping things to himself, especially when someone insisted long enough. The thought irritated me more than I cared to admit.
“Well now that you already know my past, then I guess there’s no other thing keeping us from being friends,” I said, my tone carrying a touch of sarcasm.
Ryan glanced at me briefly before returning his attention to the road. “I don’t want this to look forced, so if you don’t want to, or you’re not comfortable with it, then I understand,” he said calmly.
I let out a small sigh and said “It’s fine.”
He’s always been asking us to be friends but I’ve always been dodging that, like I told Dan the last time I didn’t want my distractions because I knew his intentions.
But I could still keep this under control, being just friends isn’t a bad thing
He nodded once. “Congratulations on your formula by the way, it’s really changing people’s lives.”
“Thank you,” I said simply.
Another beep came from my phone, vibrating softly in my hand. I glanced down instinctively, already knowing who it was before I even saw the name.
James.
“Is he the cause of the eye bags?” Ryan asked casually.
I pinched my palm silently, my fingers curling inward. He must have seen James’s name flash across my screen. Now that he already knew about James, this was bound to happen. I also didn’t realize how noticeable my eye bags were. I was sure I had applied enough makeup to hide them.
“Kind of, it’s a long story,” I said, keeping my eyes forward.
“I’m not going to question why you’re still speaking with him after what he did,” Ryan said after a short pause. “I’m sure you have your reasons. The real question is why you’re losing sleep because of him.”
I hesitated slightly before responding. “It was just one night, and I’m not even sure it counts as losing sleep because I slept till five in the morning. My body is just odd,” I said.
“You had something to do that early in the morning?” he asked.
“I had a nightmare,” I replied. “I know it sounds weird given my age.”
“No, it’s not,” Ryan said immediately. “We’re all allowed to have nightmares once in a while. You want to talk about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I said. “You already know the full story. That’s what my nightmare was about.”
He stayed quiet for a moment, then spoke again. “Okay, and why do you have that worried look on your face when you talk about the nightmare?”
“Because I’m worried?” I said, glancing briefly at him.
“About what?” he asked.
“The whole reason why the nightmares started was because of my ex,” I said. “But that was years ago. I healed and moved on. But today, the nightmares started again and I don’t understand why.”
Ryan slowed down slightly as we approached a traffic light. “Let me get this straight,” he said. “So years ago, it kept happening because you hadn’t moved on. Now you’ve moved on, it comes back again and you don’t know why?”
“Exactly,” I said.
The car came to a stop, and he turned slightly in his seat to face me. “Have you thought that it might be because you’re still speaking with him?” he asked. “That alone can bring up all those painful emotions you healed from. It can reopen healed scars.”
Reopen?
I didn’t respond immediately. I stared ahead, watching people cross the road while his words settled in my mind. He didn’t know what was really going on in my life, and he couldn’t. There were things I couldn’t tell him, things I wouldn’t tell anyone outside my family.
To him, it probably looked like I was still emotionally affected by James, like I was confused or unable to let go. But that wasn’t true.
I wasn’t talking to James because I wanted to. I wasn’t weak, and I wasn’t struggling with unresolved feelings. Everything I was doing had a purpose. Every reply, every silence, every calculated move was part of a plan. And Ryan couldn’t know that.
If I told him the truth, he would either misunderstand or try to stop me.
How could my wounds reopen just because I was seeing through with my plan against my enemy?
The light turned green and the car moved forward again. The silence stretched between us, not awkward, just thoughtful.
“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Ryan said after a while. “I’m just saying it as an outsider looking in.”
“I know,” I said quietly.
He nodded, accepting that. “Sometimes the mind remembers things before we’re ready to deal with them again,” he added. “Even if we think we’ve moved on.”
I didn’t reply. Instead, my grip tightened slightly around my phone.
The nightmares started back then because I was emotionally destroyed by what James did. I was broken, scared, and humiliated. Losing my child, losing my dignity, losing myself — it all happened at once. That pain lived in my body for years before I finally learned how to bury it.
Now, I wasn’t broken anymore.
I was filled with something else entirely.
Revenge.
And revenge, no matter how controlled or calculated, was still a human emotion. It still carried weight. It still dragged memories along with it whether I wanted it to or not.
Everything I was doing now still revolved around James. Every step, every decision, every plan led back to him.
So maybe, without realizing it, I had opened the door myself. Maybe the moment I decided to destroy him, I unknowingly dragged those memories back into my life.
And maybe that was why the nightmares had returned.