39- Stay happy

Again, Doctor Mercedes asked me to relax and she transported me with her voice to the same room surrounded by mahogany walls, which had a door on the floor. I visualized the same room where I had previously found myself: an attic, all made of wood, with a wooden floor, ceiling, and walls. The sun was streaming through the window, illuminating the specks of dust floating in the air. There was now a mint plant growing from the gaps in the wood, wrapping itself around the silver handles of the door on the floor. I took one of the metal handles and opened the wooden door. Following the warm and firm voice guiding me, I began descending the stairs, once again, delving into my mind.

This time as I descended, I was wearing a white Greek-style dress from the first step. I found myself in a living room, but this time it was not illuminated by the sunlight or the tranquility of the sea. The room was crowded with furniture, making it feel small. There was a typewriter on a small table. And children ran around me towards the dining room. They were my children. There were two of them. And the girl was the oldest. I was wearing a yellow, puffy and heavy dress. Truly beautiful and elegant, my now dark brown hair was tied up in a bun. Life had somehow deceived me and I could no longer shine like I did years ago. Now my heart could barely shine, I felt a deep disappointment in my soul.

A mirror hanging in the living room, framed by two swans intertwining in a spiral, reflected back at me. I had red lips, a small chin and lips, and thick eyebrows the same color as my hair. The features of my face still held traces of the beauty and happiness I once possessed, but today I was a different woman. Suddenly, I felt an energy calling me from behind, I turned and found Paola. I silently observed her, gently as in a dream she approached me without saying a word. She was a man. His complexion was tanned, he had short, brown hair, and a series of moles adorned his face, outlining his thin lips and prominent chin. Paola couldn't shine either, but I knew that there was no purer light in the world than the one in her heart. He looked at me grimly, expressionless, devoid of any feeling in his gaze. A pair of glass eyes pierced through my soul. He had lost his shine, he looked tired, life had granted him signs of weariness along with his years lived. My lips trembled a little, observing her, and as if the knowledge had already been planted in my mind, I understood that the face I was staring at was incredibly beautiful, the most beautiful I had ever seen. She was so beautiful. I loved her so much, I loved him so much, and it was so difficult to gaze at her fixedly in the body of that man, knowing who she was, what she meant to me. If I could make her understand how painful it was to be without her love, I could stay in that life and give her all the love I couldn't give her now. As I thought that this man was Paola, a wave of tenderness hit my chest, I looked at him with a caress in my eyes. He was wearing a gray suit and a tie, a leather briefcase. He worked in an office. Doctor? Banker? I don't know, but that job had given his soul a certain old age, I knew it. Nevertheless, I observed him with the same tenderness as the first time. What I remember most was his gaze… his eyes. The same eyes that burned in my memory like an old and eternal fire. It was Paola's gaze, there couldn't be two like it in this world. My name was Priscila. The name easily came to my mind. And I was in Rome. I looked out the window and the city traffic let me know that I was in Rome, the knowledge simply hit me and I knew it.

When we searched the internet for my second regression, we found no clues. The streets and cars had an air of the 19th century. That went back many years before, along with the perfectly crafted yellow dress and a typewriter. That was all we had. The doctor wasn't confident and thought that Paola probably existed and was important in my past, so we tried one last time and this would be the final one. I needed to find the reason why we weren't together.

In our third and final regression, (the doctor said that only a maximum of three could be done per month) I observed myself working in a bar. I was blonde and my hair was covered in a light full of golden sparks. I seemed to want to hide my star-like glow with a small hat and a black veil. I felt uncomfortable looking at my hair. It was so light that it almost looked white. I kept the red lipstick, this time wearing a very sexy black dress that hugged my body. I observed myself in the mirror hanging along the bar. Lace covered my white breasts, maintaining my slim figure, and I didn't know my name, but for the first time, I was sure I saw Paola. This time she was a whole woman, her essence and her body.

Paola was sitting at the bar table, taking a drink, her skin shining on the wooden table in the dim light of the place. Her brown hair was also filled with silver flashes. Her gaze was one of sadness, and when I looked at her, she turned away and ordered another drink from a fat bartender with gray hair. After serving her the drink, the man left us alone and I felt my heart racing again. For some reason, I felt that she ran inside my body. Paola remained silent, her head down. I had a strong desire to cry seeing how she was unable to notice me even now that we were alone. The need to cry and the feeling of desolation that flooded me made me feel dizzy. It was a sea of emotions that settled inside me. I wasn't prepared to feel all the emotions that I carried in that life. There was nothing relevant there to know about me, I just wanted to scream and cry, and Paola was the only thing I could think about. The worst part was that I shouldn't look for her, much less talk to her, she wouldn't talk to me. Everything had already been