Thirty-eight

When I came home from the rehab facility, Summer was on the couch reading her latest copy of Glamour magazine. I tried to sneak past her, but she clearly wasn’t about to ignore me. Tossing the magazine on the couch, she popped up. “Hey, can I talk to you for a second?”

I really didn’t want to talk to Summer. We hadn’t spoken since the night I slapped her. Instead, we avoided each other, pretending the other sister didn’t exist. Secretly, I was hoping to move out without having to say a fake farewell.

I crossed my arms. “What’s up?”

“I… well…”

“Summer, I have a lot to pack. Please spit it out.”

“I wanted to apologize. I was really insensitive over your breakup. I was just so pissed over losing the election.”

“The election was last spring.”

She tossed her golden hair over her shoulder. “I know, I never really got over it.”

Was that meant to make me feel bad for her? “But in the end, you won, so I guess you got everything you ever wanted.”

“Not really. I pushed you. I knew exactly what I was doing that night. Although I expected you to verbally flip out, I never actually expected you to hit me.”

The smack heard around the Greek community. Brit told me she was going to write a song about it. But I couldn’t laugh now. I had hit her, and it was wrong. If I learned anything from Harry today it was owning your mistakes. “Well, for that, I apologize.”

“We used to be friends,” Summer said, looking like she was truly regretful. That’s what happened when graduation was around the corner: everyone’s emotions went into hyper-drive.

I sighed. Summer wasn’t my favorite person, but that didn’t counter all the stuff we had gone through together. Four years of sisterhood. She was my pledge sister. We had involuntarily intertwined ourselves in each other’s lives. “We still can be. I only want the best for you, Summer.”

The corners of her mouth lifted. “Do you really mean that?”

“Of course I do. There’s no reason why we can’t keep in touch. We are sisters after all,” I added to soften the blow of hitting her months ago.

Summer gave me a hug—a real hug. “Thanks, Kristen. I promise to look after Brit for you.” Summer was staying on campus to get her Master’s in education.

I laughed. “I think Brit can handle herself.”

“You’re right.” She smiled and wiped at her eye. Was she actually teary? Senior fever had struck her. “Oh! I forgot, there was a delivery for you earlier. It’s in your room.”

“Thanks.” I grabbed my bag and jogged up the stairs, singing a little Adele as I opened my door. And that’s when my world stopped. My heart no longer beat, and the air was knocked right out of my lungs. She told me I had a delivery. This was the last delivery I had expected. For there, sitting on my bed, was David with Beast asleep in his lap.

I didn’t know what to say. There were too many words, too many questions. I wanted to run into his arms, kiss him a thousand times, tell him I was sorry, tell him I still loved him. But instead, I stepped inside, shut the door behind me, and leaned against the wood, still in a momentary state of complete and utter shock.

Luckily, David spoke first. “Your hair is red.”

I raised my hand and smoothed out my hair, wondering if I looked all right. “Your hair is brown,” I said with a shaky voice. Not only was all his silver gone, but his hair was also cut into a new short style that hung over his brow in the front. He had a short beard, too. He looked better than I could have imagined.

His gaze fell to my arm, my hand still fiddling with my hair. His eyes widened, and he gave a slight smile. “You have a tattoo.”

I dropped my hand and crossed my arms, hiding what I had done. “Should I point out how many you have?”

“It’s not a contest. I’m just surprised.”

I dropped my arm, revealing the watercolor tat and rubbed my fingers over the ink. It had completely healed and looked really good. “You knew I wanted it.”

“Yes, I just thought I’d be there.”

So did I. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. “Brit was there. She held my hand.”

David nodded, knowing he should have been the one holding my hand. “Did Pete do it?”

“Yeah.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God. I’d hate to think you went to some shady bloke with a dirty needle.”

“I’m not stupid.” The words came out more defensive than I had intended.

“I never said you were.”

I rolled my eyes. This was not how I had imagined seeing him again. “Are we really arguing about this?”

“I’m not arguing about anything. I’m just talking excessively because I’m afraid if I stop, you’ll disappear.”

“I’m not the one that disappeared,” I said, the pain present on my tongue. David looked at me for a moment then dropped his gaze to the cat in his lap. I didn’t want to fight. I wanted to run to him, throw my arms around his neck and just laugh at how foolish I had been. But I couldn’t. It felt like there was an invisible wall between us, and I had no idea how to break through the barrier.

“I heard your song,” I said softly, not knowing what else to say. He was like this beautiful apparition before me. “It was… incredible.”

“It was us,” he said tenderly, and I could only nod as he acknowledged what I already knew.

It felt like forever since I had heard him speak with his alluring accent and velvety timbre. However, it was jaded. The most painful word he could ever say to me he had just said. Was. As in, the past. Not the present and never the future.

David stood, gently placing Beast on the bed. He stuffed his hands into his pockets. And I looked him over. He looked so different, yet the same. “Without that song there would be no record, no album, no anything,” he continued. “Of course, the lyrics did change from their original version, but the melody remained intact.” He offered a smile. “Tattooed kisses is what got me my deal.”

“So, you finally have everything you’ve ever wanted.” I forced myself to smile in return, to be the supportive woman I couldn’t be before.

“Not everything.” His words were attached to my heart, and I was afraid to breathe.

“What else could you possibly need?”

“Kristen, you know all I ever wanted was you. I’ve experienced the record stuff, had a taste of fame, had that moment when I heard my song on the radio for the first time—it all meant nothing because you weren’t there to share it with me.”

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. “Why didn’t you call? Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“I did call. You wouldn’t take my calls.”

“But after… I needed time to cool off, yes, but you gave up so easily. Just tell me why? How could you throw me away like that?”

“Kris, my intent was never to make you feel like I had thrown you away. You were so mad, and I was consumed with work… then there was Danny… I thought you hated me. You’re so strong willed. I figured you’d had enough of me.”

Had enough of him? Could I ever have enough? “I was hurt, tremendously hurt. But I could never hate you.”

David paused, taking a deep breath. He was shaking. Perhaps he was more nervous than I was. Was that even possible? “I didn’t know how to prove I was faithful when I was an ocean away. And that night when we argued, I said all the wrong things.” David took a step toward me, and I began to weaken my resolve. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a very crumpled piece of paper. “When Brit sent me this, I thought I was dreaming. I must have read it a thousand times.”

So he wasn’t here of his own accord. Brit must have told him about my breakdown and guilted him into returning.

“Brit shouldn’t have written to you. She should have stayed out of our affairs.”

“Brit didn’t write a word. She only mailed yours.”

“My words?”

David reached out and offered me the wrinkled letter, and as my gaze fell over the ink. I did indeed recognize my own handwriting. It was my pain, my loss, all bleeding on the page. It was the assignment Dr. Rivers had given me. The one I crumpled and threw away.

“Is this all true?” David asked, stepping closer. There was hope in his eyes. His hope gave me hope. Could we go back? I wasn’t sure.

“Yes. Every word… But, things happened while you were away.”

“I know.” He straightened his shoulders, determined to look at me.

“You do?” My heart felt like it had stopped beating. David knew, and yet he was still here looking me in the eye.

“I do. Harry told me. Right around the time I received the letter. My parents told me he was back in rehab, so I called him.”

“I’m so sorry.” My voice cracked. It took everything I had to hold myself together and not completely shatter in front of him. But it was David’s next question that caught me off guard.

“Do you love him?” He spoke softly, perhaps he was afraid of my answer.

“What?” I asked in disbelief.

“Do you love him?”

“He took care of me when I was lost and vulnerable, but there was a shift in our relationship. We both made choices, and there are things I can never undo. But, no, I don’t love him. There has only been one person in my life who I have ever been in love with.”

David nodded, there was this heartbrokenness between us, like we wanted to fix everything, but we didn’t know how. He drew up his gaze and looked like he had to know more. “Did you sleep with him?”

“No.”

“Really? You’re telling the truth?” My gaze met David’s, and he looked like he was doing everything in his power to hold himself together. “Tell me the truth, please, Kristen, I’m begging you. Even if it hurts to hear.”

“I swear.”

He forced a smile and wiped his forehead. “Because if you did, I think I may have lost my bloody mind.”

“You wanted honesty.” I took a breath before I admitted my guilt. “We kissed, more than once. But that’s all.”

David drew in a breath and nodded. “I guess I can live with that. We were broken up after all.” He chewed on his bottom lip and took a breath. “You were right, of course, about Danny.”

It felt like some invisible force was squeezing my chest. “She made it very clear that she wanted to be with me. I was too blinded by the image of what the label was creating, I couldn’t see her advances for what they were.” The corners of his mouth twitched as though he were deciding whether or not to offer me a smile. “When my song came out, the two of us went out to celebrate…”

“I don’t have to hear,” I said, trying desperately to shield myself from any more pain. The magazine image of them was enough to last a lifetime.

But David ignored my request. “After a few drinks, she kissed me. I was still missing you and hurt. In that moment, I may have welcomed it.”

I dropped my gaze to the floor, wondering how I was still standing. I nodded, unable to speak, his words pulling at the sutures that had been holding my heart intact up until now. I had no right to judge, but that didn’t make his words hurt any less.

“But it felt wrong. I knew right away I had no intention of taking things any further with her, so I left. I stayed in a hotel after that. It’s what I should have done from the beginning. I’ll never be able to apologize enough for not listening to you. I should have trusted your intuition. I would have come sooner, but your letter was sitting in my old flat. Without it, I didn’t know where we stood. I was too scared to find out.”

I forced myself to meet his gaze. If he could forgive me with Harry, I could forgive him with Danny. “We were living in different worlds. Hard to come back to earth when you’re dancing among the stars, right?”

David nodded, and looked around the room, noticing for the first time just how bare it actually was. “You’re moving out?”

“I graduate this weekend. I’ll be going to Boston for a few weeks to spend time with my family, then onto New York.”

“New York?”

“Yes.” I realized I would be sharing my incredible news with him for the first time. I had assumed Brit had told him, but she hadn’t, and I was so glad. “I got accepted into Juilliard. I begin my Master’s in the fall.”

“Oh, kitten! That’s great!” David abandoned all formality and pulled me against him so he could hug me. How long had I craved his touch? How many nights had I wondered if I would ever be in his arms again? I was trembling. David only held me tighter. “I’m so unbelievably proud of you.”

I placed a hand against his chest and breathed him in, hoping he would never let me go.

“Is there a chance for us?” David whispered.

A chance? Was this real? After all we had been though? After all I had done. “Can you forgive me?”

“Can you forgive me? I was so blinded by the lights I lost you in the crowd.” David kissed the top of my head, inhaling the scent of my hair. My eyes closed in response.

“I was jealous and insecure, and I made these horrible decisions…”

David lifted my chin so I would meet his gaze, my eyes lost in his hazel gems. “How about we stop looking back and start moving forward?”

“I’d like that.” He let me go, and I wiped away my tears. “So, Mr. Rockstar,” I said sitting on the bed beside Beast and patting the opposite space next to me. “Tell me all about London.”

We spent the night in my room. No one objected to David sleeping over. Who would? We talked for hours, and I cried a lot. He held me, squeezed me, but didn't kiss me. I wondered if he ever would again. Perhaps what had happened between me and Harry had tainted us forever. We could never return to that moment in time where we weren’t both hurt. I wanted to be sure he had forgiven me about what had happened with Harry, although he already told me there was nothing to forgive. We healed ourselves the best way we could. Although, David seemed to have grasped the putting himself back together thing. He submerged himself in music and wrote an incredible song. I, on the other hand, took a wrong turn and almost got so lost I never thought I’d find my way back.

I kept waking up and checking to see if he was still next to me. I was so scared of him disappearing. I kissed his arm and nuzzled closer to him. “I love you,” I whispered, assuming he was asleep.

“I love you, too, kitten.”