Chapter 100 Trauma-bonding

Chapter 100 Trauma-bonding
Alyssa’s POV

Kayden straightened on his side of the couch, an expression relating to shock vivid on his face. He was looking at me like he was seeing me for the first time, and that only made me feel naked.

I blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. Then I stood and walked to the far end of his living room, needing not to be under the weight of his judgment.

I folded my arms around my chest and faced the wall, letting the tears out.

Just then, I felt him approaching behind me, but stopped at a distance.

When his voice finally came, it was shaky. “I want to believe…that’s not true.”

I said nothing at first. But I had let it out already, running from it would change nothing.

“It’s the truth. I attended his event with…Sean. I saw him and, recognized him.”

“Fuck,” Kayden cursed silently. I turned in time to see him turn away, pacing towards the other end of the living room with tightly clenched fists.

“Are you…disappointed?” I asked, my chest heaving with cold contempt as I didn’t know how to interpret his actions right now. Kayden didn’t answer.

When he turned back around, his jaw was tightly pulled tight. “I…” his jaw clenched again. “I would have blown his head off if you’d told me while we were still there.”

Oh, he’s on my side. Of course he is. What am I thinking?

“You would have ended up in the cell.” I countered.

“And I wouldn’t have minded it, Alyssa,” His chest heaved. Hard. “That motherfucker is going to rot in cell.” He promised through gritted teeth, but I quickly closed the space between us.

I held his arms, shaking my head. “No, Kayden.”

He squinted. “No what?”

“I don’t want to have anything to do with them. I don’t want to bring that back. I’m letting go.”

He pulled his head back like I had just shocked him. “No, Alyssa. You deserve justice. And you will get it. Fuck, I can’t…” he paced away from me again.

He looked very angry, and I didn’t like that I created this mood for him.

“You know what I want? Peace! I want peace!” I shouted, stunning him.

I didn’t stop.

“I’ve carried this shitty past with me every day of my life no matter how hard I fucking wanted to move past it. I want to breathe without it for once, not be fucking dragged back into it. I want nothing to do with it. Absolutely nothing! And maybe I will be able to breath fully… again.”

I was breathing hard now, and the wetness I felt running down my cheeks made me realize I was crying again.

“I just..I just need your presence, Kayden. I don’t want to think about my past right now. Please, don’t talk about justice. I can’t…I can’t…not right now.”
Kayden closed the distance between us slowly this time, as though any sudden movement might shatter what little steadiness I had managed to gather. His hands came up carefully, framing my face with a gentleness that contrasted sharply with the storm I had just unleashed. His thumbs brushed beneath my eyes, wiping away tears I hadn’t even realized were still falling.
“We’ll get through this,” he said quietly, his voice stripped of its earlier rage and replaced with a tone far more grounding. “Together. I won’t push it. Not until you’re ready.”
The knots inside me loosened at those words. Enough to breathe.
Before I could respond, he pulled me into him, one hand sliding to cradle the back of my head as he guided me against his chest. I didn’t resist. The moment my forehead pressed against him, I felt how steady his heartbeat was beneath my ear, how solid he felt compared to the chaos inside me.
“I’m so sorry,” he murmured into my hair.
The words caught me off guard.
“For what?” I asked softly, my voice muffled against him.
His hold tightened just slightly, like he needed to anchor himself as much as I needed anchoring.
“For not knowing,” he said, the weight of it clear in every syllable. “If I had known… I would never have let you anywhere near Sean. Never.”
I pulled back just enough to look up at him, shaking my head immediately.
“That’s not your fault,” I said firmly, even though my voice still trembled. “You couldn’t have known. None of this is on you.”
He studied my face like he wanted to argue, like he was used to carrying blame whether it belonged to him or not, but this time, he didn’t push back. Instead, he let the silence settle between us, thick but not uncomfortable. Just… heavy with everything neither of us knew how to say yet.
We stayed like that for a while- standing in the middle of his living room, wrapped in a moment that felt dangerously close to peace.
Eventually, I pulled away first.
A part of me didn’t want to, but reality crept back in, bringing everything with it—Louisa, his life, the complications that didn’t just disappear because we found comfort in each other.
“I’ve taken enough of your time already,” I said, forcing a small, tired smile. “You should probably go… be with Louisa.”
Kayden stilled, his gaze sharpening as if I had just said something completely out of place.
“I’m breaking up with Louisa,” he declared.
I blinked, the words taking a second longer than they should have to register.
“What?”
“Yeah,” he said, his voice no less certain.
My heart almost stumbled in my chest.
“Why?” I asked, genuinely confused. “You’re… engaged.”
He let out a short, almost humorless scoff.
“I never proposed to her,” he said. “What we have—had—is something our families arranged. That’s all it ever was.”
I swallowed, trying to process that.
Part of me felt something dangerously close to relief,but another part hesitated, unsure if I was even allowed to feel that way.
Before I could sort through any of it, his hands were on my face again, gently but firmly guiding my attention back to him.
His eyes searched mine, intense in a way that made my pulse quicken.
“It’s you I want, Al,” he said softly, seriously. “It’s you…I’ve always wanted. It only took me a while to realize that.”
My breath caught, and for a moment, the world seemed to narrow down to just him—his voice, his touch, the way he was looking at me like I was the only thing that mattered.
Our gazes held, neither of us moving. I could feel it the moment his restraint snapped.
Then Kayden leaned in and kissed me.
The moment his lips touched mine, something inside me gave way completely. I melted into it, my hands instinctively gripping the front of his shirt as I let myself feel everything I had been holding back. The warmth, the closeness, the way he deepened the kiss just slightly, drawing a soft, involuntary response from me.
A strong desire I had never felt for anyone before was awakened as his lips kept moving, nibbling and sucking in my lower lip into his mouth, switching with the upper one every now and then. He angled my head and deepened the kiss. I staggered, but he grounded my back with an arm, while the other one held my head to him.
Only two of us existed. Nothing else mattered. This was exactly what I wanted. Needed. 
With Kayden Jackman, I wouldn’t realize the outer world was burning.
But just as quickly as I began to lose myself in it, reality cut through again.
The recorder.
My hands pressed lightly against his chest as I pulled back, breath uneven.
We were both gasping for breath.
“As much as I want this…” I said, my voice barely steady, “I have to listen to that recorder.”
His eyes lingered on my lips for a second before lifting back to mine, dark with intensity—something he didn’t try to hide.
“I need to know I have nothing else to worry about,” I added, swallowing hard. 
His gaze softened, even though the tension in him was still there, barely contained.
“You’ve got me all day,” he said quietly. “Let’s get to it.” He kissed my forehead, then brought out the recorder from his pocket and handed it over to me.