Chapter 62-3

“Jace?” Jogging himself out of his thoughts, Jace looked up from his tea and smiled at the girl calling for him. LaCienega’s expression was fixated with concern, her eyes searching his carefully before she smiled after gaining all of his attention. “What are you thinking about so deeply love?” He laughed awkwardly, and he wasn’t sure how it sounded through her ears, but through his, they were tattered and distracted. “Nothing much dear. Are you enjoying your cake?” They had gone to a small café for high tea after a date at the art museum and LaCienega was sitting across from him with a semi-content smile. “Not as good as I hoped,” she remarked. “If it tasted half as good as it looked, I might have been quite satisfied.” He chuckled before taking a sip of his tea. “Well, what else is on your agenda today?” “Ah, that. I’ve booked an appointment at a boutique. We have to get you fitted to see if you’re better suited for a tuxedo or a suit.” “Why?” “Because we need to start preparing for the wedding silly. Michelle has been calling me lately to aggravate me. She’s only been engaged shortly, and she’s already sending her wedding invitations in to be printed by a professional. We’ve been engaged for a couple years ourselves, but why haven’t we picked out a date like she has? We should start preparing too.” Immediately Jace’s shoulders slumped and his smile fell off his face. Then he said one word that wiped the smile off of hers just as abruptly. “Why?” LaCienega stared at him. Then she shook her head and pushed away his words with a new smile, her eyelashes sweeping downwards as her gaze lowered. “What do you mean by ‘why’?” She chuckled with a wary amount of strain in her voice. “Isn’t that something natural? It’s just– ” He broke her off. “We’ve known each other long enough to be honest with each other, haven’t we? This wedding… Are we really going through with it?” There was a long moment of silence as he stared at her for an answer, but no matter how patiently he waited, LaCienega wouldn’t meet his eyes. When she finally reacted, she pushed a lock of dark hair behind her shoulder and stood up. “Let’s do it another time then,” she murmured. “It was silly of me to drag you out today. You have so much work during the weekdays. It’s rather insensitive of me to drag you out to accompany me when you finally get some time to rest. Let’s go. I’ll get the bill.” The ride home didn’t subside Jace’s thoughts. It was the first time he ever tried to address their relationship issue, and it was thrown aside much faster than he expected. He had always pretended that his relationship with LaCienega didn’t have a single problem – much like what LaCienega was doing – but now he knew better, and he knew he shouldn’t prolong it or ignore it either. He tried speaking to her again when they got home. “LaCienega,” he murmured. “What I said earlier at the café, will you please consider it?” She smiled busily passed him and started for the kitchen, opening the cabinets like she was searching for something, but he knew better that she was simply looking for a distraction. “Hmm… What would you fancy for dinner later? Salad? Pasta?” “LaCienega…” He followed her inside. “You were telling me you haven’t had scalloped potatoes in a while the other day. Would you like that?” “Please give me a reply.” “How about soup? You mentioned clam chowder too.” “LaCienega.” “Oh, what am I doing? I will need clams if I plan to make clam chowder. I’ll need to head out for a moment.” Jace’s voice was too soft to reach her, but when she passed by, he grabbed a hold of her hand and it fell limp like a doll’s in his grip. “Please listen to me.” He could see the distress on her face by the way she kept avoiding his gaze as she forced on a smile. “Is there anything you need at the store? Oh dear, look at the time. I have to go if I don’t want to– ” “It was during my third year at Harvard…” The sudden change in tone caused LaCienega to drop her pretences and look Jace’s way as he grabbed a seat in front of the dining table and sat down. “I was volunteering at the children’s hospital during my free time. On one occasion, I met a little girl there who was going to go through an amputation the following week. She was only about eleven, but she had osteosarcoma… a type of bone cancer. They had to remove a part of her leg.” Jace smiled softly at the memory as he continued. “To that brave little girl, I asked if she was scared. Even now, at the thought of having one of my own limbs amputated, it’s a scary thought. It’s a scary thought for most people. But that little girl said this to me: ‘what’s a missing leg compared to missing out on the rest of my life? If I keep this leg, then the cancer will spread and kill me. Even though I can’t imagine living without this leg right now, amputating it is the right thing to do. If I keep it, I’ll only be more hurt later.’” Swallowing the lump in his throat, Jace calmly pressed his hand against his heart as he raised his eyes to meet hers. “To you LaCienega, I’m that cancer in that leg.” “You’re not…” The tears that quickly welled in her eyes didn’t hesitate to trickle down her cheeks. “You’re not anything like that to me,” she cried, shaking her head. Jace only spoke softly and evenly to her. “Even though you don’t want to let this leg go, even though you’re scared because you can’t imagine life without it, keeping it will only continue to hurt you. At times like these…” He stood up and walked to her. “You have to be brave like that little girl…” Taking her hand, he made a quick slashing motion with it diagonally down his chest. “… and cut out the bad things in your life.” “But you’re not the bad thing,” she cried. Her head dropped and she slowly sunk to her knees on the kitchen floor while Jace held onto her hand. “Like always, you’re the best thing! You’re the brightest thing in my life! You’re the first one I want to call when something good happens to me and you’re the first one I want to call when something sad happens to me. You’re the first one I want to see when I wake up in the morning and the last person I want to see before I fall asleep. Are you the only one who can’t see how much you mean to me?” She quickly shook her head, her dark locks swishing left and right as she searched for both his hands. “Is it because there’s something you don’t like about me? Is there something you need me to change? Is it because I brought up the wedding? Do you feel anxious because of it? Maybe it’s too soon. We just moved in. We’ll just postpone it. It’s okay! I don’t need to marry right away. I don’t need to be like Michelle.” “It’s not because of the wedding.” “Then what is it?” She begged. “What is it?” Jace stared at her sadly before he closed his eyes and lowered his head. “I just don’t love you,” he told her quietly. “So LaCienega, please… let’s stop, okay?”