Chapter 26 – Grayson

My sides hurt from laughing so hard. Leave it to Vick to turn something as boring as a physics study group into a one-man comedy act. At this rate, none of us will pass this class. But we’ll have fun failing.

“So, we’ll meet every Wednesday after school?” Vick looks around the group, and everyone nods. “And if there’s a big test, we’ll add another study session.”

“Sounds good,” I say. I gather my stuff and follow the rest of the group out of the room, expecting to see Isabelle waiting for me, but she’s not here. She’s probably still talking to Andrea. I glance around for Vick and find him almost at the end of the hall. “Hey, Vick!” I jog after him. “Do you know where Andrea’s locker is?”

“Junior hallway.”

I clap him on the back. “Thanks, man.” Thankfully, the junior hallway isn’t as big as the senior hallway. When I get there, it’s deserted. No sign of Belle or Andrea. Did they go somewhere else to talk? I grab my phone and send her a message. study group is over. where are you? did you get lost? lol.

Maybe she’s waiting at my locker. I trudge back upstairs. When I exit the stairwell, I stop cold. All the breath rushes from my lungs in one sharp whoosh. Cam and Belle. Kissing. It feels like someone is repeatedly stabbing my heart with a butter knife. This can’t be real. I’m seeing things. But no matter how many times I blink, the scene doesn’t change.

Belle—my beautiful, funny, spunky Belle—is kissing her ex-boyfriend.

She’s cheating on me.

I guess I pick them as well as my dad.

Pain morphs into anger that radiates through my body, spreading like a virus until it’s raging out of control. I spin on my heel and storm toward the exit. Shoving the door open, I let out a scream. How can she do this to me? After I told her about my mom… I speed walk to my bike, each step heavier and harder than the last. All I want to do is throw stuff and punch something. I curl my hand into a fist then flex my fingers, repeating the motion until my entire hand aches.

I hop on my bike and take off much too fast. I need to get as far away from that school—and Isabelle—as I can. I drive around for almost an hour, and by the time I get home, I’m feeling slightly better. The rage has settled to a dull hum in the back of my mind. It’s my heart that hurts now.

My phone’s been buzzing in my pocket almost non-stop. I can’t ignore it any longer. Pulling it from my pocket, I take a deep breath, knowing I’m going to have messages from Isabelle. And I do—six of them.

lol. no, not lost. had to go back to my locker. meet me there?

are you still in study group?

just went to the science lab. where are you?

your bike is gone. did you leave without me?

hello?? please answer me!

okay, I’m really worried, Grayson. what’s going on? where are you?

Reading her messages reignites the anger in my chest. How can she send me all this stuff like nothing’s wrong? She knows what she did. She may not know that I know, but that doesn’t change anything. She cheated on me. I delete her messages without answering any of them, turn my phone off, and go inside.

“Hey, Grays,” Dad says. His hand is no longer bandaged, and the stitches will be removed in a couple of days. I can tell he’s eager to get back to work.

“Hey,” I say.

“No Isabelle today?”

I shake my head. The last thing I want to do is explain to my dad what’s going on. He’ll give me advice that I don’t want.

“Well, I’m making dinner tonight. Tacos.” He grins. “It will be ready in a few minutes.”

“Okay.” I sigh. I’m not hungry, though. I really just want to be alone, but if I refuse to eat, Dad will want to know why. Dad returns to the kitchen, and I start toward my room. Before I make it, there’s a knock on the door.

“Can you get that?” Dad shouts.

I momentarily hang my head, and then I shuffle to the front door. I open it to find Isabelle standing there. Anger, heartache, and familiar excitement war inside of me. I want to take her in my arms and pretend everything is okay, but when I look at her, all I see is her kissing Cam.

“You left,” she says.

“Yup.” I step outside and close the door, not wanting my father to overhear.

“Why?”

I raise a brow. “Seriously?”

She nods. “What’s going on? Why are you acting like you’re mad at me?” She reaches for my arm, but I move out of the way before she can touch me. Her face falls. “Grayson? What’s wrong?”

“I cannot believe you.” I cross my arms. “You’ve got a lot of nerve showing up here.” I jog down the steps, needing space.

“What are you talking about? I thought we were going to hang out tonight.” Hesitantly, she follows me down the steps, but she doesn’t get too close. “Please tell me what’s going on.”

“What’s going on is that you’re a liar and a cheater.” My tone is cool and controlled.

She takes a careful step back, eyes wide. “What?” Her voice cracks, and for a brief moment, I actually feel sorry for her.

“I saw you, Belle. You were kissing Cam,” I shout and then glance at the house, praying my father didn’t overhear.

She gasps and shakes her head. “It’s not like that, Grayson. It’s not—”

“Don’t.” I slice my hand through the air. I’m not buying her lies and excuses. “Nothing you say is going to make this better.”

“But—”

“After everything I told you about my mom…” My face is hot with anger, and my hands shake. If anyone knows how much I despise cheating, it’s Belle. “Of all the things you could’ve done to hurt me, you do this?”

“I didn’t—” Tears stream down her face, and her bottom lip trembles.

My heart shatters even more, but I can’t let myself give in. She cheated on me and betrayed my trust.

“Go home, Belle.” I walk back up the steps, grab the doorknob, and turn around to face her. “You made your choice.” Then I go inside and slam the door.

“Everything okay?” Dad is standing in the living room, arms crossed.

“Belle and I broke up.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Nope.” I head straight for the kitchen. The spicy aroma of taco meat fills the room, and my stomach rumbles even though the thought of eating makes me sick. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and disappear into my room. My solitude doesn’t last long, though.

“What’s going on, Grays?” Dad asks as he pulls out my desk chair and sits facing me.

I kick my backpack across the floor. “I caught her kissing her ex-boyfriend.” I flop down on my bed and groan. “She cheated on me, Dad. Just like Mom cheated on you.”

With a heavy sigh, he leans forward and rests his elbows on his knees. He nods slowly. “I’m sorry, kiddo.”

I give him a disbelieving look. “That’s all you have to say?” This is not like my father, which makes me believe he’s going to say something I’m not going to like.

“Did she explain?”

“Explain? What’s there to explain? I saw her, Dad. There’s nothing she can say that will justify cheating.”

“No, but things aren’t always what they seem.” He rubs his hands over his face and stands. “Don’t jump to conclusions. You might live to regret it.” Without another word, he leaves and closes my door.

I stare after him, dumbfounded. Don’t jump to conclusions? I know what I saw. There’s no way I misunderstood what was happening. Just like Dad never misunderstood what happened with Mom. When he first found out, he was devastated. So was I. And when everything happened with the church, he shut down, refusing to talk about it, even to me. Does he believe the rumors? I never had the guts to ask him, and he never volunteered the information.

Is it possible I don’t know the truth about my own mother? Heart racing, I scramble off my bed and rush into the kitchen. Dad’s fixing himself a plate of tacos. “What do you mean things aren’t always what they seem?”

He sprinkles cheese on his tacos and then turns to face me. “I mean exactly what I said. Just because you saw her kissing her ex doesn’t mean you know the whole story.”

“You never knew the whole story with Mom.” I cross my arms. “That doesn’t change what she did.”

“No, it doesn’t.” He leans against the counter. “But if she hadn’t died, we might have been able to fix things.” He shrugs one shoulder, grabs his plate, and sits at the table.

I stand, frozen, and watch him take a large bite of his taco. He seems so at peace with Mom’s betrayal. “You really would have forgiven her?”

“Maybe.” He takes another bite. “See, Grayson... I’ve had a few years to think. Every person is responsible for their actions, yes. But a relationship takes two. Once the pain passed, I realized there were things I could have done differently with your mom. And I realized I still loved her, even through the pain. We might have made it work.”

“How?” I pull out the chair across from him and sit.

“It wouldn’t have been easy, but we would have found a way.” He opens his can of soda and takes a drink before wiping his mouth with a napkin. “With God, there’s always a way.”

I bury my face in my hands and sigh. How can he be so calm? Sure, it’s been years, but how does a hurt like this ever go away? I don’t think this gaping hole in my heart will ever heal.

Dad gently removes my hands from my face and gives them a firm squeeze. “You don’t stop loving someone just because they hurt you.” He gives me an encouraging, albeit sad, smile. “You find it in yourself to forgive them. And then you move on, with or without them.”

I swallow hard against the threat of tears.

“I know it hurts. And I know it’s not easy.” He releases my hands. “But love never is.” Dad turns his attention back to his food. “You should eat something.”

In a daze, I get up and fix myself a couple of tacos. I’m still not hungry, but maybe eating will help clear my mind. Or just distract me for a little while. I eat in silence, debating whether I should turn my phone back on. I know if I do I’ll be tempted to message Isabelle, and I just can’t talk to her right now.

Dad’s right about finding a way to forgive her—God teaches us that—but I don’t know how. She not only cheated on me, but she also flat out lied to my face. She told me I had nothing to worry about, that I was the only one she wanted. No, it’s not about forgiveness. It’s about trust. And how do you get that back once it’s gone?

Once dinner is over, Dad asks, “Want to watch a movie?”

“Not tonight.” I take my dishes to the sink and begin to clean up.

“I got this,” Dad says, nudging me out of the way. “Go take care of things with Isabelle.”

Yeah, right. I shuffle through the living room, not paying any attention to anything when I slam my shin against the coffee table. Stabbing pain shoots up my leg. I let out a painful yelp. “I’m okay,” I call to Dad, so he won’t rush in here to check on me. I rub the sting from my leg and scowl at the coffee table as if it’s somehow its fault.

Dad’s Bible l open, an old receipt tucked between the pages to mark his spot. I haven’t seen Dad’s Bible since Mom died. Huh. I retreat to my room and dig my phone from my bag. Heart racing, I power it on. As expected, I have several messages from Isabelle. I lay on my bed and read them.

it’s not what you think. I promise. please let me explain.

Grayson please? you don’t understand.

fine. don’t answer me, but you need to know the truth. after I talked to Andrea, I went to my locker and cam was there. he started saying all this stuff to me and I didn’t know what to do. before I could say anything, HE kissed ME. I did NOT kiss him. I pushed him away and told him to stop. that’s the truth. I swear. you have to believe me.

I close my eyes and breathe deeply. Is that really the truth? I want it to be. So bad. Because then I can be angry with Cam and not Belle. Because then she’s an innocent victim, too, and not some lying, cheating seductress out to destroy me. There’s a gap in the timing of the messages and then…

I’m so sorry Grayson. please forgive me. I don’t want cam. I want you.

I have no idea how to respond. A huge part of me wants to tell her I believe her and forgive her and that everything will be okay. But I don’t, and everything isn’t okay. It might never be okay again. So, I delete her messages, close my eyes, and pray for guidance.