Chapter 20 – Grayson
“Talk to me,” I shout over the thunderous rain. She wanted that kiss as much as I did. I know she did. She said so. “What’s wrong? What did I do wrong?”
She shakes her head, and her bottom lip trembles. I can’t tell if it’s because she’s cold or because she’s crying. God, please don’t let her be crying. I drag my hand down her arm and lace our fingers. She doesn’t pull away.
“Please, Belle.” If she doesn’t tell me what’s wrong, I don’t know what I’ll do.
“Take me back to my car.”
“I can’t drive the bike until the rain slows down. It’s not safe.” I’ve obviously already upset her; I’m not about to do anything else to harm her. “Let’s go back under the pier and wait for the rain to stop.”
“I just want to go home.” Her voice is strained, and that’s when I know for certain: she’s crying. My heart sinks. All I want to do is make things better. She averts her gaze, refusing to look at me.
“This is about Cam, isn’t it? You still love him, don’t you?” I drop her hand, and a lead weight lands in my chest. “What do you see in that guy?”
“You don’t know anything about him,” she snaps.
“I know he doesn’t treat you the way he should. He bosses you around. Yells at you like you’re a child. He cheated on you!” I run my hands over my face and head, trying to wipe away the water that won’t stop falling. Then I take a deep breath. Yelling at her isn’t going to help. It makes me no better than Cam. I step closer. “You’re different when he’s around. You’re not the same carefree girl I always get to see.”
“No, I’m different around you.” She pokes my chest. “I’m not this person I pretend to be when I’m with you. Cam knows the real me.”
“Does he?” I ask. As suddenly as the rain started, it slows to nothing more than a steady drizzle. “Because I think it’s the other way around. I think you pretend to be this perfect, good, Christian girl for him because that’s what he wants.” I take both of her hands, praying she’ll admit what I already know. “He doesn’t deserve you.”
“And you do?”
I flinch at her harsh words. “No…I don’t deserve you, either. But I can admit that. Can he?”
She yanks her hands from mine and paces away.
“Can you honestly tell me that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy? Because I will.” I point at myself. “I won’t try to change you into this perfect image of what I think you should be.”
She whips around and glares at me. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe I like the person Cam wants me to be?” She marches up to me, fire in her eyes. “Maybe I go along with it because it’s what I want.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I don’t believe that for one second.” I’ve seen the way she acts around Cam—it’s like she’s afraid to say or do the wrong thing. But with me, she cuts loose and has fun. She can joke and laugh. It’s like my mere presence lifts this unseen weight she carries around constantly. And I don’t care what she says, I know straight to my soul that she likes being herself without worrying what others will say or do.
“Well, believe it. It’s the truth. Being with Cam was easy, okay? I knew who I was with him. He represented a time in my life when things were simpler, when my brother was still alive. When my life wasn’t such a mess.” She takes a deep breath. “Back when things were perfect.”
Why is she standing here lying to me? What is she so afraid of?
“You don’t have to be perfect, y’know?” I say.
“What?” She gives me a dirty look. “Believe me, I’m far from perfect.”
“Then stop pretending you are. And stop pretending Cam is. He’s a cheater.”
She stares at me defiantly.
“Being with him won’t bring your brother back, Belle.” I march back to the pier and grab my jacket. I attempt to shake some of the rain off it, but I’m so angry, I don’t care that it’s probably ruined. So what if it’s the last thing my mother gave me before she destroyed our family. It’s just a coat. It can be replaced.
“C’mon,” I say as I walk past Isabelle. “I’ll take you back to your car now.”
I don’t say another word—neither does she—the entire ride back to the school. But all I can think about is how much I’ve messed up. How could I not see she’s still in love with her ex? I’m such a jerk. It’s not all my fault, though. She kissed me back. Heck, she gave me permission!
“Thanks,” she says in a clipped tone when I pull to a stop. She gets off my bike and opens the driver’s door of her car. Then, she hesitates like she wants to stay something.
I wait a moment, but she doesn’t speak. “No one is perfect, Belle, and God doesn’t expect us to be. Every one of us is so perfectly imperfect. That’s what makes us all so unique. Try not to forget that when you and Cam…” I shake my head in defeat. “Never mind.”
I take off before she can respond. I can’t stand to listen to her defend him anymore.