Chapter 13 – Isabelle

“You can’t be serious.” I spin around in front of the mirror.

“You look hot,” Hannah says, putting her hands on my shoulders to stop me from moving. “Now hold still.”

I sigh and stand still so she can put the finishing touches on my outfit. I don’t know what I was thinking agreeing to let her dress me tonight. I’m still trying to figure out why I’m even going to this party. Andrea and Cam will probably be there, and I’m not ready to see them together. Not to mention, being here with Hannah, getting dressed to go out without Andrea feels all sorts of wrong.

After a moment, she steps back and whistles. “Oh, yeah. There’s no way Grayson won’t notice you.”

I take another look in the mirror. Dark blue jeans adorned with an oversized belt that sits perfectly on my hips, a stark contrast to my normal straight-legged, slightly baggy jeans. The outfit is complete with a silky, bright red, long-sleeve, V-neck shirt. I can’t deny I look pretty good, but this is so far out of my comfort zone.

“Here, wear these.” Hannah hands me large, gold hoop earrings.

I slip them into my ears. They’re heavy, but they do perfect the outfit. My tight, high ponytail shows off the earrings nicely. I glance at Hannah—she’s wearing a denim skirt and a tank top with a light sweater. She looks good, too, and a fresh wave of nerves stir in my stomach.

“Are you done dressing me up now?” I ask.

“You’ll thank me later.” Gathering her keys and wallet, she ushers me out of her room.

By the time we get to the beach, half the school is already here. I search for Grayson’s motorcycle but don’t see it anywhere. Did he change his mind and decide not to come? I hope not. He’s the whole reason I’m here.

Hannah parks, and we make our way down the beach. The bonfire is blazing and crackling, giving us just enough light to not trip over anything. This stretch of beach isn’t used, and therefore isn’t maintained. There’s always garbage and debris scattered along the shore.

“Remember, tonight is all about having fun, okay?” Hannah says. “If we want to do something, we’re going to do it.”

I roll my eyes, thankful it’s too dark for her to see. She’s been going on nonstop about cutting loose and having fun. I have no idea what’s going on with her lately. While it’s an exciting thought, it’s also slightly terrifying. We make it to the bonfire, and Trevor waves. I wave back as I glance around.

Brittany and her friends are sitting directly across from where I’m standing. They all have cans of…something in their hands. I hope it’s not beer. They’re laughing, and Grayson sits between Brittany and Jessica. He’s laughing, too, and anger sparks in my chest. All that stuff he said the day he sat with Brit during lunch about not wanting to upset me is clearly a load of garbage. Well, if he wants to give his attention to Brit, I’ll give my attention to someone else.

“Hey, there’s Vick.” I clutch Hannah’s elbow and drag her with me.

“Hello, ladies,” he says, his gaze not flinching from Hannah.

Beside me, Hannah giggles.

“Want one?” Vick holds up a can of cheap soda.

It’s not beer. Thank God. Tension eases from my shoulders. “No, thanks,” I say.

Vick drapes his arm around Hannah’s shoulder and takes a swig from his can. “Well, if you change your mind, they’re over there.” He points to a large metal bucket a few feet away.

“Looking good, Isabelle,” Trevor says.

I tuck my hands into my back pockets and rock on my heels. “Thanks.” I dated Trevor for a little while before Cam. It wasn’t anything serious, but Trevor’s a nice guy. I no longer see him as boyfriend material, though. He’s just a friend now. But Grayson doesn’t know that, and I’m counting on him watching me.

I casally look over my shoulder, but he’s still too entranced by Brit. I tear my gaze away from him, and it lands on Cam. He’s sitting on the ground, and Andrea is perched between his legs. His arms are wrapped around her, and he’s nuzzling her neck. I curl my hands into fists, my fingernails biting into my palms. So, my ex is here flaunting his new relationship with my former best friend, and the guy I thought was into me is flirting with my worst enemy. This party sucks.

If I could have my way, I’d get back in Hannah’s car and go home, but I know she wants to stay and hang out with Vick. She’s liked him for so long, and I don’t want to ruin her chance with him simply because my life is a mess. Maybe it’s time I do something about it.

I straighten my shoulders and lick my lips. From the corner of my eye, I see Grayson finally notice me. He tracks my every step as I make my way toward Andrea and Cam. Smiling, I give him a little wave. Hannah was right—I’m going to have to thank her.

I hesitate, second guessing what I’m about to do. But then I hear Brittany say Grayson’s name around a giggle, and something inside of me snaps.

“Enjoying my leftovers?” I ask, coming to a stop near Andrea. I glare down at her, momentarily enjoying my position of dominance over her.

She looks up at me, eyes wide. Then, slowly, she stands. “They’re hardly your leftovers when he dumped you.” She crosses her arms.

I narrow my eyes. This is not the Andrea I know. Sure, I’m the one who confronted her, but she’s the one who stole my boyfriend. “You always were a terrible friend, Andrea.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve learned from the best.”

“All right, knock it off.” Cam stands and puts his hands on Andrea’s shoulders. “You’re making a scene.” He looks at me when he says that.

I scoff. “So what?”

“This isn’t like you, Isabelle. You’re above this.”

Like he has any room to talk. One day, he’s dating me, and the next he’s here groping Andrea in front of everyone.

“God teaches us to forgive, remember?” he asks softly.

“Yeah, He also teaches us not to lie and cheat, but that didn’t stop either of you, did it?” I throw my arms wide and address the crowd of poorly disguised eavesdroppers. “Did it?” My voice is strangled with raw aching pain, and my hands shake with rage.

Brit makes a roaring noise. “The Jesus freak has claws.”

“C’mon, Belle. Don’t waste your time on these two.” Grayson takes my arm and tries to drag me away, but I jerk out of his hold.

I look between Cam and Andrea. Neither of them shows the slightest bit of remorse for what they’ve done, and I realize they don’t care. The guy I thought I might love and the girl who was my best friend couldn’t care less about breaking my heart. How is this possible?

“Isabelle,” Hannah says softly. “Don’t do this here.”

“What?” I whip around to glare at her. All day she’s been telling me to do whatever I want, and now that I am, she’s telling me not to? With a huff, I walk away from all of them. Okay, so maybe confronting Andrea here wasn’t such a great idea—it certainly isn’t the Christian thing to do—but the look on her face did make me feel slightly better. I walk away from the bonfire and flop down on the sand. Resting my head on my bent knees, I groan.

“Remind me never to make you angry.” Grayson lowers himself onto the sand beside me.

Despite my anger, I laugh and lift my head. “Isn’t your fan club going to miss you?”

“Who? Brit? For the record, I was sitting there first. She and her friends surrounded me.”

“You really should stay away from her.” I stare out at the lake.

“Are you jealous?” He nudges me, and a tingle ripples through my body. Why does even the most innocent touch from him set me off like that?

“Being jealous would mean I like you.”

“Ouch.” He places his hand over his heart and pretends to be wounded. “And here I thought we were friends.”

“There you go being wrong again.”

He laughs, and the sound carries on the breeze. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. I do like him. A lot. But there’s no way I’m telling him that—I don’t care what deal I made with Hannah.

“If you don’t want me hanging out with Brit, I won’t,” he says.

I jerk my head toward him. “Seriously?”

He nods. “If it comes to a choice between you and her, it’s you.”

Whoa. Okay, so maybe he does like me the way I like him. I swallow hard and fight the urge to smile. “Thank you.”

“That’s it? No sarcastic comeback?”

“Nope.” I shake my head and turn to stare out at the lake again. We’re silent for several moments.

Grayson moves closer and nudges my leg with his. “Want to go back to the bonfire?”

“Not really.” Just sitting here with him is enough for me, but I have a feeling he wants to go back. “I’m so embarrassed.”

“Why? Because you called out Cam and Andrea for what they did to you?” He shakes his head. “They deserved it.”

“Maybe, but I didn’t have to do it here, in front of everyone.” I sigh. “Just seeing them together like that… Cam says I need to forgive them because that’s what God teaches us.”

“Are you kidding me?” Grayson’s tone is sharp. “Don’t you see what he’s doing?”

I stare at him, confused, waiting for him to continue.

“He’s hiding behind God to justify what he did, and I’m sorry, Belle, but there’s no justification for cheating on you. None.” He gives a hard shake of his head, and the moonlight catches his eyes—they’re green as ever, but they’re hard, too. Cold. Angry.

Why is he so upset? It’s not like he was cheated on.

“Maybe,” I finally say. “But he’s right. God does teach us forgiveness, and if I don’t forgive them, doesn't that make me bad?”

“It makes you human.”

I glance back toward the bonfire. The flames reach high into the night sky, crackling and sending off sparks. Laughter filters down the beach. Grayson’s right. I am only human. But Cam’s right, too. I need to find a way to forgive their betrayal.

“Do you believe in God?” I ask Grayson.

“Yes.”

“Do you want to go to church with me tomorrow?”

He heaves a breath and hangs his head. “I don’t do church anymore. C’mon, let’s go back to the party.” He stands and holds his hands out to me.

I hesitate, staring up at him. What does he mean he doesn’t do church anymore? If he believes in God, why wouldn’t he go to church? I want to ask him, but I worry if I push the issue, he’ll walk away from me. At the same time, him not going to church is a deal breaker for me. I take his hands, and he yanks me to my feet, straight into his arms. I put my hands on his chest and can feel how hard his heart is beating.

“You look great,” he says.

“Thanks.”

He slides his hand across my back, and I suck in a sharp breath.

“Cold?” he whispers.

“Not exactly,” I say on an exhale.

He grins as if he knows exactly why I’m shivering. If I don’t say or do something to get my mind off the feel of his arms around me, I’m going to do something I regret.

“Why don’t you do church anymore?” I cringe as soon as the words leave my mouth.

Releasing me, Grayson steps back and drags a hand through his hair. “It’s a long story.”

“I’ve got all night.” I hug myself to stop from shivering again, this time from the cold.

“Yeah, well, it’s not something I really want to talk about.”

“Okay.” But the disappointment weighs heavily on my chest. I avert my gaze to my feet and push sand around with the toe of my shoe.

“Belle?” Grayson puts his finger under my chin and tilts my head up. “Why did you ask me to go to church with you?”

“Because it’s Cam’s church. His dad is the pastor. His mom leads the youth group. Andrea is in the choir, and her mom coordinates Bible study. I don’t want to skip church, but I’m not sure I can handle an entire service with them.” I don’t know why I just admitted that to him, but it feels good, like a weight’s been lifted.

Since Brandon’s death, my entire family has forsaken God. Cam and his family made church a second home. I had started to feel like maybe God and I would be okay, after all, but now I’m not sure I’m strong enough to handle church alone. I can’t sit in the pews, by myself, and praise a God who took so much from me. I know He has His reasons for taking Brandon from us, and Cam always reminded me of that fact, but Cam can't do that anymore. And Cam can't spiritualize away what he and Andrea did to me.

“So, you want me there for backup?”

“Forget I asked.” I spin around to leave, but he grabs my hand, stopping me.

“The last church I went to… well, let’s just say it didn’t end well. The congregation turned on me and my dad, and we were as good as kicked out.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask what he did to get kicked out of a church, but I’m guessing he won’t tell me.

“It was six years ago, and I haven’t been inside a church since,” he says and releases my hand.

“What happened?” I whisper.

“My mother got tired of my father always being gone, so she got involved with our local church. She got really involved.” He sits back down, and I do the same, huddling close to him. For warmth. Yeah, right. “She started having an affair with the pastor.”

“No,” I gasp.

He nods. “She was meeting him one day at a local hotel. The building caught fire. She and the pastor died. The church blamed my father, saying if he’d been a better husband, none of it would’ve happened.”

“Oh, Grayson.” I loop my arm around his and rest my head on his shoulder. Tears pool in my eyes. “I’m so sorry.” Everything makes sense now, though. His ability to quote scripture. His intense hatred for Cam’s cheating. His refusal to go to church with me.

He rests his head on mine, and we sit in silence for several moments.

“Y’know, not all churches are like your old one. Real Christians won’t judge you based on the actions of others.”

He straightens and pulls his arm away from my hold. “You really think if I show up at Cam’s church tomorrow, people there won’t judge me?”

“They won’t,” I say, but I’m not so sure. It is Cam, after all, and he hasn’t been shy about his dislike of Grayson.

“All right. Fine. I’ll go to church tomorrow, but if I’m right, you go out on a date with me.”

My eyes widen.

“What’s wrong? Scared?” His smile is pure arrogance.

“No,” I say slowly. “I’m just trying to decide if I want to be right this time or not.”

He nudges me with his shoulder. “I knew you liked me.”