ELLIE
The trauma of abandonment had haunted me my entire life, even though I couldn’t quite understand why, given that I had wonderful parents.
But scattering Lilian Cooper’s ashes into the sea had, in some way, helped me to overcome this feeling I’d always carried inside.
It was both painful and liberating. Despite taking the whole afternoon, I managed to say goodbye to her and to speak all the things I’d wanted to say, even though she wasn’t there to hear them. Though deep down, I felt she had.
After forgiving her—and forgiving myself—I truly felt at peace. But there were still other issues to face, things that had nothing to do with my biological mother.
And it seemed that spending a week in Santa Barbara with my parents hadn’t worked the way I’d hoped; it hadn’t made all my problems disappear.
Ethan was still living in London. We’d really broken up, and I had no idea how I was going to get through it. But I decided to try the best way I knew how: by burying myself in work, as always.
I came back to New York on Sunday, and on Monday morning my biggest fear was that Anna would still be mad at me, even after I explained everything to her over the phone.
I hoped she understood that I just needed some time.
When I got to the lab in the morning, I went straight to my office. But as I approached to unlock the door, I found it already unlocked.
Turning the handle, I pushed the door open, confused. As it opened, I found myself facing a man with his back to me. A broad back.
Was he rifling through my desk? How had he gotten in?
I cleared my throat, drawing the stranger’s attention. He startled slightly before turning around.
And when he did, I finally saw his face. He had dark blond hair, blue eyes, a well-groomed beard, and he looked young. His jaw and nose were striking, and he was… let’s say, fit.
Okay. Maybe 'fit' was an understatement.
Staring at him, I crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for an explanation. But when he didn’t say anything, I figured I’d better speak up.
"Can you tell me why you’re in my office, going through my things?" I asked, frowning.
"Oh, you must be Ellie Brown. I apologize." He stepped closer. "Jorrick Wyatt." He extended his hand to me. "I think I’m your replacement."
"Oh…" I shook the hand he offered, finally understanding. "They gave you my office?"
"Looks like it, yeah. But don’t worry, I was just finishing gathering my things."
"All right, take your time."
"Ellie?" Anna’s voice called out from the hallway.
A second later, she stopped behind me in the doorway.
"Oh, I see you’ve met Rick already."
_Rick?_ They were already on a first-name basis? I turned to look at her, raising my eyebrows.
"Looks like you forgot to tell me a few things," I whispered.
"Sorry." She shrugged.
I turned my attention back to Jorrick, who had already gathered his things.
"Well, sorry for the inconvenience," he said, stepping toward us again. "Good morning, Anna!"
"Good morning!" she replied.
"Oh…" He paused beside me. "I saw some of the new research you’re conducting, and I found it impressive. There are so many aspects I think could be really useful."
"Thank you," I said, surprised, unable to stop myself from casting a glance at Anna.
She suppressed a smile, and I knew exactly what she was thinking. I fought the urge to roll my eyes.
"I was wondering if we could discuss it a bit. I had some ideas and would like to share them with you, if you’re interested, of course," he said, surprising me again.
"Sorry, I thought today was your last day here," I said, confused.
"Actually, they offered me a position in the experimental department. I’m still considering it, but I’ll be around for a while."
"Oh."
"So, what do you think? Could we schedule lunch or coffee?"
"Um… I think so, but I’ll need to check my schedule first."
"Sure, let me know when you’re free. Have a great day."
"You too," Anna said as he walked away down the hall.
Entering my office, I held the door and waited for her to step inside before I closed it.
She still had that smile.
"Don’t start," I warned, heading to my desk. I dropped my bag on it.
"What? I didn’t say anything." She stood beside my desk.
"You don’t have to. I can read your thoughts. And the most likely explanation is that he only wants to discuss my research."
"Oh, yes, I saw firsthand how much he _enjoyed_ your _research_."
"God! What are you talking about?"
"He looked you up and down, right in front of you, and as usual, you didn’t notice."
"You must be losing it. This was the first time we ever met."
"Seems like it was enough for him."
"You know what, even if that were true, it doesn’t matter."
"What do you mean it doesn’t matter? Did you see that man? He’s like a super-hot scientist."
I laughed.
"He’s short."
"Short? Are you kidding? He’s only, like, ten centimeters shorter than Ethan."
The thought made me think of something else, and I couldn’t help but grin.
"You pervert! I wasn’t talking about his dick."
"I was just thinking that even if that were the case, he still wouldn’t have anything to be ashamed of."
"Do you really think comparing everyone else to him is going to help you move on?"
"Oh, come on! I was just kidding! I need to find some reason to laugh in all this mess, don’t you think?"
"I don’t want to hear you talking about him, much less thinking about his dick. So, go ahead and set up a lunch with the hot, ripped new scientist."
It seemed she was still mad at Ethan, and from what she’d told me, so was everyone else. And although I didn’t want to care, I hated the idea of our friends being angry at him because of me.
Fortunately, that was out of my hands. I’d asked them not to get involved, but I couldn’t control how they felt about Ethan’s actions.
"Do you really think I’m up for that? I just ended a relationship."
"Great, then treat it like work. If he wants to discuss your research, discuss your research. But if you somehow end up doing it naked, all the better."
"I appreciate your concern, but I’m not interested in getting involved with anyone right now, and I plan to keep it that way for a while," I said, moving around my desk and sitting down.
"So that thing about checking your schedule was just an excuse?"
"Maybe. I don’t know… If he actually has something I can use, it would be helpful."
"I’m sure he has plenty of things you can use."
"Okay. Enough. Lunch later?"
"Oh, now you’re dismissing me? Wasn’t it enough that you hid everything that was going on last week?"
"I’ve already apologized. How about we change the subject? We could talk about baby stuff?" I teased.
She’d told me she was already tired of hearing Will go on about it.
Narrowing her eyes at me, she turned and headed toward the door.
"See you later!" I said, smiling as she shut the door.
It seemed pregnancy was already affecting her mood.
\*
When lunch rolled around and Anna didn’t show up at my door, I went to her office. But when I knocked, she didn’t answer.
I was on my way back when my phone buzzed with a message from her, accompanied by a vomit emoji, saying she was in the bathroom.
That was enough to leave me a little terrified at the thought of getting pregnant. In recent months, I’d been thinking a lot about the future, about what it would be like to start a family with him, but now I saw how naive I’d been.
A pang of sadness hit my chest as the feeling resurfaced. I was doing everything to keep it buried deep down, trying to keep myself busy at all times.
But sometimes, I couldn’t help the memories and the longing. In those moments, I always had to take a deep breath to keep from falling apart.
I made my way to the bathroom to check on Anna. She was touching up her lipstick in the mirror.
"Hey, are you all right?" I approached her.
"Yeah, it’s just the damn nausea," she said, putting her lipstick back in her purse. "It’s getting worse."
"You know you can call me anytime if you need."
"I know. Thank you. Can we go? I’m starving."
"Of course." I turned to leave.
"Wait."
She stopped me in my tracks.
"What?" I looked back at her. Suddenly, she looked apprehensive. "Are you okay?" I asked, concerned.
"Actually, I need to tell you something. I think it’s better if you know now."
"What?"
"I just talked to Will," she hesitated. "He said Ethan’s back in the city. Looks like he’s settled everything in London."
The news made my heart race. Dozens of questions started popping up in my mind. But I knew it didn’t matter anymore.
It was no longer any of my business why he had come back. And if this proved anything, it was that everything had just been an excuse for him to pull away.