ETHAN
I stopped in front of the restaurant on Madison Avenue, my mind in turmoil. What was she doing? Why would she go back to him after everything he put her through?
I couldn’t understand it, and I couldn’t accept it. Not after I let her go so she could have the chance to find someone who could give her everything she deserved. And that someone sure as hell wasn’t that bastard. He had his chance and wasted it.
There was no way she’d forgotten everything so easily. She couldn’t be that naive. If that were the case, I wouldn’t let her make the same mistake again.
I stared at the restaurant entrance, trying to decide what to do. I couldn’t just drag her out of there. I only wanted to talk to her, to open her eyes.
Suddenly, someone walked out of the restaurant, and I instantly recognized the dark hair and shapely legs.
It was her. Perfect.
I got out of my car, my eyes following her as she crossed the street. Then I strode toward her. When she reached her car and got inside, I quickened my pace to catch her before she drove off.
But as I got close enough to see through the window, I froze.
She was crying.
I swallowed hard, my chest tightening at the sight. Her hands were covering her face.
What had happened? My heart pounded harder, and anger flared, imagining what that bastard might have done to leave her in this state.
Approaching the door, I knocked on the glass to get her attention, the humid air around me warning me that it was about to rain.
She lifted her face, startled to see me. She wiped her tears before stepping out of the car. The smudged makeup around her eyes confirmed she had indeed been crying.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, confused, as she shut the door.
“Anna,” I said, assuming the name was explanation enough.
“I can’t believe she did this,” she said, closing her eyes and shaking her head in disappointment.
“Why were you crying?” I asked, my concern overriding everything else.
She stared at me silently for a few seconds.
“That’s none of your business,” she said finally.
“I’m trying to understand why you would do this. After everything he put you through...”
“No. Don’t do this. You don’t have the right,” she interrupted me.
“Can’t you see? All this time, he’s been circling you, just waiting for you to let your guard down. I can’t understand why you’re letting him get close. He doesn’t deserve you.”
“I’m not doing this again. You shouldn’t have come,” she said, turning her back to leave.
“I let you go because I wanted you to have it all. So please, don’t do this to yourself.”
“Enough! I said I’m not doing this!” she snapped, turning back to face me.
Her blue eyes were filled with both tears and rage.
“He’s going to hurt you again.”
“How dare you? After everything you’ve done, how dare you?” she said, her voice breaking as tears spilled over. “You have no right anymore! I don’t owe you any explanations! And you know what? Go to hell with your bullshit speech! I’m tired of everyone thinking they know what’s best for me! I’m tired of hearing you use excuses to hide the truth. But we both know the truth... you’re nothing but a coward. Such a coward that I’m amazed you even have the nerve to come here and act like you’re better than him.”
Each word cut deep, but I knew I wasn’t innocent and deserved every one of them.
“The difference is, I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You did so much more than that.”
“I swear I tried to keep you out of this, but you always knew the truth from the start.”
“Yes, I always knew, and I was willing to keep trying because I would never have given up on you.”
“And you have no idea how much I wanted to be selfish, how much I wanted to keep enjoying every second without caring how my confusion might hurt you.”
“Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? To hear you say you left me to protect me? Protect me from what? Your doubts? Your uncertainty about the future? Well, I have bad news for you... everyone has to deal with that!”
“I know you would’ve waited, but I couldn’t do that to you.”
“A lifetime, if necessary,” she said, tears streaming down her face.
Hearing that was so painful that my body trembled as tears welled up in my eyes. Seeing her cry shattered me inside.
I didn’t want to be responsible for leaving her in this state. I never wanted to hurt her, but it seemed I’d done exactly the opposite.
“Beautiful...” I stepped closer to her.
“But you gave up,” she said, stepping back.
“I... I never planned any of this.”
“No, you just used it all as an excuse.”
“I just didn’t want to hurt you with my confusion.”
“You mean your insecurity and your fear.”
“I know I’m not innocent, but seeing you with him now... What am I supposed to think? It feels like I was right all along.”
“He was never a risk, because I loved you. And all I ever asked was for you to trust me.”
As she spoke, her voice heavy with pain, a light rain began to fall, lightning occasionally flashing across the sky.
“That’s all I needed... I never demanded anything from you because all I wanted was you. Even when you prioritized your work and made me fear it would all happen again. So don’t use that as an excuse.”
“I’m sorry for that. I didn’t realize I was hurting you.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. None of it matters anymore,” she said, wiping her tears with the back of her hand.
“I want you to know that nothing I feel has changed. I love you, and I’ll keep loving you... but you know this is beyond my control.”
“Please stop. I don’t want to hear you say again that you left me because I deserve better.”
“But it’s the truth, and that’s why I’m asking you not to let him hurt you again.”
The rain grew heavier, soaking us as thunder rumbled above.
“Do you want to know why I was crying?” she asked over the sound of the rain.
“Why?”
“Because I opened up to him... about you. And then I felt so pathetic for telling the man who abandoned me about another man who did the same,” she said, each word painful, accompanied by more tears. Her pain felt like a mirror of my own. “But don’t worry, I’ll never let either of you do that to me again.”
She turned to leave.
“Wait...” I grabbed her arm, stopping her. I wanted to say so much. I couldn’t stand the pain in her eyes. “In San Diego... Despite everything, I was willing to try, but you sent me away.”
“We both know you never would’ve done it if I hadn’t gone to you.”
“Ellie...” I reached out to touch her face, but she stopped me.
“Please, I’m begging you...” She closed her eyes.
Despite the rain, I could still make out the tears streaming down her face.
“Please, don’t look for me anymore. I don’t want to see you again because I can’t bear the pain every time this happens.”
And with those final words, she got into her car and left me behind, in pieces, under the heavy rain and the sound of thunder rumbling in the sky.
*
The storm worsened as I drove back home, feeling a mix of pain, anguish, and self-loathing. Lightning tore through the horizon, and the torrential rain and wind made it hard to see the road ahead.
When I reached my apartment, completely soaked, I went straight to the bathroom, stripping off my clothes with trembling hands and stepping into the shower.
As the water poured over me, I wished it could wash away more than just the grime. My anger only seemed to grow. I had to hold myself back from smashing the glass of the shower.
Afterward, I wrapped a towel around my waist and went to the living room for a drink before heading to my bedroom.
Suddenly, my phone started ringing on the bed. I walked over and saw Will’s name on the screen. I thought about ignoring it but answered anyway.
“Will?”
“Ethan, please listen...” He hesitated, sounding visibly worried, before continuing. “We just got a call... Ellie’s been in an accident.”