44- Didactic life

After two tail cuts and a day of puppy vaccinations, I returned home to confirm that the stairs of my apartment were the ideal place to ramble on about postulates, laws, veterinary medicine, lesbian sex, and many other methods of philanthropic study that both my friends and I enjoy, disregarding the forces of emotional gravity. Darwin's theory is the closest thing to giving your heart to a person and having them take their hands off you at the last second you hand it over so it breaks against the floor. Pure inertia, the swing of fragility.

Isabel's infatuation with her Crab intoxicated the conversation, going from the cheerful experiences to the more complex dreams of moving to live with him in Denmark. Long-distance love is not so simple, and Crab would soon go on an exchange for six months. He chatted with the girls, smelling coffee, nail polish, and tobacco. Caroline was still single, Maria was still a slut with emotional limitations, and Isabel and I were approved in life and failed in love; chewed up and spat out. Isa never admitted out loud that El Cangrejo was unfaithful to her, but we all knew it; however, my brave friend decided to paint her nails black and give her trust in men a proper funeral, then change the color of the nail polish and give her a second chance. An exquisite opportunity that I never saw with Paola. Friendship is inversely proportional to what we often come to deserve, and ultimately it helps us to know ourselves in retrospect to know what we can deserve.

While I was with Isa and Maria rambling about love, suddenly an image of Paola reached me, like a lucid moment in the middle of any concentration that revolutionizes thought. Those thoughts that cease to be worth anything when that same past completely extinguishes the passion of the present. I wondered what Paola was doing at this very moment, or if she had long nails, or if she had bitten them because she was going through a period of anxiety. If she had let them grow or if she had kept them on the sidelines, ready to fuck her probable new prospect. And if her new prospect had also cut them to do that manual activity that is one of the few for which I would give my life: masturbate her and find my seven lives purring in her chest. Well, that's it, I for my part, submerged under the effects of caffeine, stumbled upon a thought and ended up putting two and two together and with them the bow of my orange dress that decorated my back that day. And that Paola never took off at midday.

Well, that's it, instead of knowing and guessing what Paola could be thinking; I'm here, lying back to back with Isa. Detailing which brand of nail polish could last me more than three days. I like the Kylie brand because it's Cruelty Free, all my cosmetic products are free of animal abuse. No matter what nail polish I use, no matter how little I masturbate, or the latex gloves I wear at the vet's office don't stick to my nails, or I maintain a calm mood, the nail polish always falls off quickly. Sometimes I think it's my star nature, my nails change color naturally. Paola, for example, always tends to have electric blue nails, or a turquoise tone. And when she's sad, they turn navy blue. And that makes me want to hear her voice, and call her like I always do in my dreams. To ask her what color dye looked best on me if she was the one who loaded my hair with star dust when fucking me alive, or if turquoise blue or chick yellow looked better on my nails. It doesn't matter, because I'll probably appear wearing Barbie pink nails, or like a real carmine red femme fatale in front of her, most likely I won't be able to steal the sun from her eyes and go back to wearing natural pearly white nails, because now I only see her reflected in my past. Wanting to call her, having her old cell phone number to disappoint me and cry to the answering machine telling her how much I wanted to hear her voice.

\- What would you think if I moved in with Melisa? – I asked my friends while I selected a semi-permanent nail polish color for Isa, that wouldn't disappear on her in the middle of the week.

\- Wow, are you thinking about it? – Isabel asked with her brown eyes attentive. Her features were as delicate as if they had been chiseled with a burin, and her lustrous brown hair was worn in a fishtail braid. Maria lit a cigarette. Charlie approached her and I turned to Maria, looked at her sternly. She awkwardly put out the cigarette in the ashtray and petted my cat. She didn't allow anyone to smoke near Charlie.

\- You practically live with her already – Maria said sarcastically looking at me from the top step while scratching her head.I leaned on Charlie. She had always been more into dogs, but for some unknown reason she and Charlie really liked each other.

\- Well, look, I only see you at night. I can hardly see Melisa anymore because of our schedules, she is at the hospital all night and I am at the vet's office all day, so she has suggested that I move in with her. I really feel very lonely now that I never see her - I explained to them.

\- It's daytime and you have me here Ania. I promise to visit you more often. - Maria murmured, analyzing me with her eyes like a hawk.

\- I'm at the University all day, Hermanis. Sorry, but I miss talking to you at night, now we only talk on WhatsApp. - Isa excused herself.

\- I know, girls. I'm seriously thinking about marrying my pink vibrator and stop seeing her, but I feel good with her - Maria let out a thunderous laugh - I missed you. I missed your foggy head. - Maria added.

\- Well - I raised an eyebrow - I'm a bit galactic.

\- Then you'll never leave the house if you stop seeing her and marry your little pink friend - Maria added.

\- I'm just telling you that if I move in with Mel I won't be so alone.

\- You won't even have to use the vibrator. Or does she like to use those? - She asked me. She gave me a firm look full of coldness. There was silence.

\- Yes, I understand you. But are you sure you want to live with her? - Isa wanted to know, observing the carmine color of one of the nail polishes and then examining my face.

\- Oh sisters, I sleep with her almost every night. And I feel good, you know? I usually let her sleep hugging my back until dawn. The problem is that then when dawn breaks I feel dizzy from seeing her and I get out of bed.

\- Is that your favorite position? – Maria asked.

\- No, the truth is cuddling up to the other person's chest. You know, it gives me security… – I confessed smiling, then I approached my friends and whispered very quietly: – But that was my favorite position with Paola, otherwise I have never felt that incredible pleasure of cuddling up. I tried it a couple of times with Mel but the warmth of his chest actually made me uncomfortable. – I said as if I were confessing an incredible secret.

\- When I'm with El Cangrejo I like to sleep spooning. But I always find him with his back to me at dawn – Isabel said, spreading her feet to take a look at them. She had cotton buds between her toes, freshly painted a pastel pink.

\- And you Maria?

\- I don't plan to share that information with you ladies, I'm sorry but I have a favorite position for each woman.

\- Of course, and you have so many that you can't associate them with the face.

\- I don't have that many Ania - She cut me off.

\- So sisters, are you moving? - Isabel asked, uncovering the scarlet red nail polish on my hands.

\- I don't know. But I'm going to take a small bag with underwear, a couple of dresses, and books that I always need to come and get. Because coming every day for clothes is exhausting - I told them - And I'm also going to take Charlie - I added, looking at my beautiful blonde cat who danced with his tail between my knees.

\-