Chapter 18

Seth thinks about lying and saying it’s nothing, but he isn’t in the habit of lying. Not to friends.

“I want to kiss you,” Seth admits.

“Why don’t you look happy about that?” Holden asks.

“I feel like I’d be taking advantage if I kissed you right now.” Seth sighs.

“Did you want to kiss me before today?” Holden asks, which Seth didn’t expect.

“I’ve been thinking about it since I first saw you behind the counter when I came to get my tattoo,” Seth says honestly. He’d wanted it then, wanted Holden, and the need to have him, possess him, has only gotten stronger as the weeks have passed.

“And will you still help me with Dawn if we don’t kiss, if I don’t go to bed with you?” Holden asks.

“Of course…I’d never just help you to get laid,” Seth says, shocked.

“That’s what I thought.” Holden smiles, his hand tightening on Seth’s back.

“What?” Seth is a little confused.

“Either way you’re going to help me, so it’s not like we’re starting this on an unfair level.” Holden shrugs.

“You’re saying I wouldn’t be taking advantage if I kissed you now,” Seth says, understanding what Holden is getting at.

“No, you wouldn’t.” Holden licks his lips, his tongue stud peeking out.

Before he knows it, Seth’s claiming Holden’s mouth in a rough kiss, pulling Holden closer, his hold no longer about comfort. Seth has never kissed someone with a tongue stud before. He likes the feel of the cool metal against his tongue as he possesses Holden’s mouth.

They don’t break apart till someone clears their throat as they pass. Reluctantly Seth lets go of Holden and lets him step away.

“I’m glad we did that. But we need to go to the club now. Don’t get me wrong. I’d love to keep doing that. But Dawn comes first right now. But I wanted you to know. I want you,” Holden says, rubbing a thumb over his lip.

“So, I don’t get to take you out on a date till the case is over?” Seth asks.

“Call it an extra incentive.” Holden smirks.

“You’re as bad as your sister,” Seth says as he starts leading the way to his car.

“What you mean is, we’re both awesome,” Holden grins.

“Well yeah, but I also think you’re both trouble,” Seth says, unlocking his car. They both get in, and Holden is smiling to himself.

“What?” Seth asks. He can’t resist.

“You think I’m trouble now? You have no idea,” Holden says happily.

“Tease,” Seth complains as he pulls out of the lot.

“Oh no, baby. I’m not a tease. I deliver.” Holden grins, leaning back in his seat.

Seth is reminded that despite their age gap, Holden is just as experienced as Seth, maybe more. From what Zack has said, Holden has had a lot of lovers—man, woman, enby—but he’s loyal, never cheats. Seth isn’t too worried about that. He has his own past, his own share of lovers. It would be hypocritical for him to expect Holden to be a virgin. It’s not that he’s not a little jealous. He is, but it’s not in a bad way. It doesn’t make him not want to try and start something with Holden.

They talk on the way to the club, trying to focus on the case, on everything that happened the night before. Even though neither Holden nor Dawn think they saw any of Dawn’s exes at the club, Seth has Holden tell him about any bad break ups, anyone who might have a grudge against Dawn, in case this was personal.

“So, what about you? Any exes I should worry about?” Seth asks as he parks opposite the club.

“No. I’ve never had a bad break up. I like sex. For a long time, I only looked for that. But I never led anyone on, so it never caused any real trouble. I…I don’t know what you’re looking for, but I’m not just looking to get laid anymore. I want more.” Holden says it almost like he thinks he has to warn Seth, like he thinks Seth might not be interested in that.

“I like you, Holden. If I were just trying to get in your pants, I’d have tried already. I wouldn’t have spent weeks getting to know you. My job, it doesn’t always make it easy to date. So a lot of the time I haven’t even tried. But I know when someone’s worth the effort, and I really think you are,” Seth says honestly.

“I’d really like to date you. But I’m warning you now that I might suck at it, seeing as I haven’t really done it much. I’m great at the sex part. Trust me; no complaints from anyone there. But I might be a shitty boyfriend.” Holden sighs.