Executioner's Calides

I didn't care but my mood soured even more after she left. The guys kept calling me grumpy all night and I admit I was being grumpy. Actually, I was starting to feel uncomfortable because she was out of my sight. Eventually, the guys took me back to the studio, where we had a few drinks away from the others. I wasn't in the mood for celebrations. I hated the fact that my father had just remarried when my mother had only been buried a few weeks ago.

When the guys weren't looking, I managed to pull out my phone. When I went back to check her location, I saw that she had moved from her room to the backyard. I decided to go after her. I had no idea that tonight would go so terribly wrong when I left the den to go after her.

From a distance, I could see her lifting the bottle of alcohol to her lips. As soon as I got close enough, I could tell something wasn't right with her. As I got closer, I snatched the bottle from her and all hell broke loose.

For the first time, she let me see the destruction in her eyes. Well, more like in her soul, if I wanted to be honest. He showed me all his emotions and his pain. She had always kept it from me. She never let me see it when she was weak. I admit it, even if you don't believe me, that's when I really saw how affected she was. She wasn't the strong girl who acted like she didn't give a shit anymore. Instead, I saw everything she was so good at hiding.

For some reason, I got angry. I wanted her to be strong and fight me because I couldn't help but hurt her. I don't know why the fuck I expected her to fight me alone and not be affected in any way. It was a stupid thought, I know.

Don't get me wrong. She's been strong as fuck from the beginning because I watched for weeks as they tore her apart and as she fought them when she could. At that point, when I was seeing everything she was hiding, I realized it was only a matter of time before it all caught up with her.

"Mr. Riverside?" a doctor calls to me as he walks in the door and snaps me out of my thoughts. I'm out of my seat in a jiffy.

"Is he okay?" I ask quickly.

"He's out of danger and is now resting. The good news is that she hasn't taken enough pills to overdose. She's very dehydrated and has lost a lot of weight. I would take her to rehab. If she keeps this up, it could cause serious damage to her stomach and she could eventually have heart problems as well. I would also make sure she eats more. She's on the road to malnutrition," he says.

The force of his words hits me. I didn't know it was so serious or that she was so affected. He covered it all up and I have only myself to blame for acting like a jerk.

"Thanks doc, I'll be sure to get you the help you need, can I see her?" I ask.

"She's asleep now, but you can," he tells me.

I nod and turn to the guys after the doctor gives me her room number and leaves. "I'll stay with her. You guys can go."

"Are you sure, bro?" asks Adam .

"Do you need anything before we leave?" Nick asks.

"We're here for you, bro," Charlie states .

"I am. No and I know it," I reply to them in one breath.

They hug me before they leave and I head to her room. When I enter, I see her lying on the bed, so frail and small. A wave of pain suddenly hits me. She is asleep and has IV in her arm. Seeing her hooked up to the machines, my heart aches.

She has surgical tape on her arm from her wrist to her elbows. I don't know how I missed it. But I do know how, and it's because she started wearing baggy clothes and long sleeves. She was hiding all the fucking scars! I want to punch the wall or something, but I refrain from doing it. I don't want to wake her up.

I stare at her for a while, reassuring myself, before I dim the light in her room even more. I lie down on the bed next to her. I know that when she wakes up she will hate me again, but right now I need to be as close to her as possible. I need to make sure she's okay because all this shit is one hundred percent my fault.

I stand to her right and carefully pull her close so she rests her head in my arms. A wrinkled expression comes over her face for a second before softening again. A small sigh escapes her as she settles into my arms. Her body settles in next to me and I cover us both with the blanket on her bed.

It is now five in the morning and I lie there with her in my arms, thinking about everything I have to change as far as she is concerned. Something has to change, especially with me. I'm the asshole and we can't go on like this.

For the first time since I've known her, I'm finally admitting to myself that I have feelings for her, and I need to show her that side of me. I need to let go of the burning hatred I have for her and show her the other side of me. The side that she has never seen and probably doesn't even believe exists. After a while, I let out a sigh and close my eyes, wishing for sleep to come soon. It's funny that now I feel like she fits me perfectly, like we were made for each other....

I'm sorry, Mom. I feel like I'm betraying you, but I don't want to hate her or hurt her anymore.... It's the last thought I have before I finally succumb to sleep and exhaustion, wrapping my arms around her some more.

LIA

Beep, beep, beep...

The steady sound of a machine wakes me from sleep. The first thing I notice is the hard body pressed against me and the arm around my body. I tilt my head slowly and look at Rayan's sleeping face .

I don't think I've ever had a moment to look at him while he was vulnerable in sleep. As I watch him, I realize he looks human. He doesn't look like the formidable guy who orchestrated this whole mess I've gotten myself into. He looks mortal like the rest of us and not at all the god everyone sees in him.

But as always, when I look at him, the pang of pain and hurt that always chokes me for all I've had to suffer because of him is still there. My mind goes over the events of last night and I am ashamed that I let him see me when I was falling apart. I have no doubt in my mind that he has probably found a way to use it against me somehow and that thought makes my chest hurt even more.

I'm not even sure why he's here now. He's always made his hatred for me clear and now he's hugging me like he's afraid I'll disappear or something. It doesn't make any sense. I'm so fucking confused.