Chapter 27–Fear of losing you
Jade's POV:
Sometimes I am scared that when she finally regains her memory she may not want to have anything to do with me and it scares the hell out me. Feels like we are back to being strangers. I let my anger get the best of me. It was so obvious she loved me.
If I could turn back the hands of time, I would forgive her that very instance. Knowing that mother paid her to marry and bear a child because of her selfish reasons was what spiked my anger. How could she do this to me? She knew I would never intentionally hurt her but she hurt me so bad my family had to pay the price. If I had lost Ella I don't know what I would have done but I do know it will break me to a point of being unfixable. Heaven knows how much I was willing to sacrifice for Ella. She is the perfect puzzle piece that completes me.
Some days when I couldn't be strong, I would wait for everyone to leave the office and then drown myself in alcohol till I was dead drunk that way I felt numb. The alcohol never helped issues it only made things worse. She was my go-to person when I was having problems with things in the office. She made difficult situations look very easy. No matter how much I promised myself to stay away from alcohol seeing the misery it left me the last time, at this point, it felt like my only solace.
It destroys me that I keep on lying to her but if saying she was Mary will help her from losing her memory permanently then I wouldn't push her real identity on her. I am willing to wait for her gradual recovery no matter how long it is will take. I have to show her shreds of evidence that I am actually making efforts to find the family she claims she comes from. It won't be long before someone she knows sees her and try to make conversations with her. The thought of it scares me. Her reaction to everyone calling her Ella and asking after her baby will definitely stir up trouble. I have been making so much efforts to get her everything she needs so she doesn't have to go out but I don't know how long keeping her in will last.
Anytime I want to keep my sanity, I go to this special room where I had all our photographs of cherished moments spent together hanging at almost every corner of the room. I haven't had the guts to bring her into this room. There's a fifty per cent chance that in the process of trying to regain her memory, she might permanently lose it. This room is restricted to everyone except from the housekeeper that comes in here to clean and dust the room. I ensure the room is always under lock and key so she doesn't accidentally walk into the room.
The displayed photographs help me travel down memory lane to all the good times we spent together. All those times she was still in a coma in the hospital, I had to set all these up to feel closer to her. It was a really rough time for Kendrick and I. The other day I cancelled our dinner, my head of security had just informed me that some of my friends were at the restaurant. I badly wanted to book the whole restaurant but I didn't want it to stir up questions. It left me no choice but to cancel the dinner. I saw the hurt in her eyes but leave it to me to always right my wrongs. It felt really great to share my bed with my lady. I had to watch her sleep through the night. She was the definition of an angel.
Whatever woke me up that instant I would forever be grateful to. Seeing that she was one second from turning over that frame before I stopped her scared me big time. Everything would have gone down the drain and ended as quickly as it started. It was a picture of her while she was still pregnant. Her expression was like that of a child that was caught stealing candy. As funny as her expression was, I couldn't say the same for the outcome of things if she had seen it. Where do I start to explain?
Things were going fine till she started acting strangely. Holding her head like it was too heavy to be carried. Instantly, I knew something was wrong and then she collapsed immediately. That very minute she did, I think my heart did too and then it was like a repeat. It was like I had to choose which was a better scene between the two for a movie production so they had to show the same action but different event and locations. I couldn't even take the staircase to get the landline and place a call through to the doctor. Call it crazy but I had to slide on the railings to get down on time. I must have forgotten my phone in the kitchen last night.
I think I have been punished enough because of what I put her through but I think I have suffered the consequences enough. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would have taken a different step. It is all in the past and I just want to leave it there. Start afresh with both my better half.
After a thorough check-up on her, the doctor concluded that she had really stressed her brain. Still confused where she got the name Mary from. When she wakes up I will show her a printed copy of her on the newspaper stating that should in case any of her family finds this section of the newspaper they can always call. This should be able to buy her enough time to think and worry less. It is a good thing she is awake now. I specially prepared her favourite food.