Chapter 165: I thought I lost you

Chapter 165: I thought I lost you
Lyra's POV

“ Lyra, you need to wake up, please, it's been five days now…” I couldn't make out the rest of what the person was saying.

I tried to hear more because I liked the voice and it was soothing. But I heard a chuckling voice that sounded like Lauren's but I knew that was impossible.

Lauren was gone, as much as I hated to admit it, the abyss realm took her from me and it's all my fault… “ Just wake up already…” the same voice grumbled.

I woke up gasping and my eyes snapped open and the first thing I felt was pain.

Sharp, burning pain shooting through every part of my body. It was as though my veins were on fire.

"Lyra," Ragel's voice was right there, close by and real. "Lyra, stay with me. You're okay."

I tried to focus on his face but everything was blurry. My throat was very dry as if I had been feeding on dust.
"What happened?" I whispered as I felt him holding me until I could stop seeing his face in a blurry way.

“ A lot, my love. I thought I was going to lose you,” Ragel choked out, resting his face on my hair.

"Ragel, I had this dream. It felt so real but it was also strange and impossible.”

Normally it would be. But again, after coming to Ragel's world, I realized a lot of things that were seen as impossible are not.

“ What was the dream about?” Ragel asked, he was still holding me tightly as if I was going to run off.

“ There were a lot of gods and they were talking about me. They were saying I had to choose between two things. They said I had to take something or lose something. They said my entire life depended on picking the right one."

Ragel gave me a sad smile. "Do you remember what they said you had to choose?"

"I don't remember exactly," I said. My head was pounding as if someone was hitting it with a hammer. "But it was important. It felt like everything mattered and if I made the wrong choice, I would lose everything."

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to hold onto the dream. But it was fading already, becoming hazy and unclear.

The images were slipping away and trying to remember intensified the pounding of my head.

"It wasn't a dream," a voice said inside my head.

For a single second, I stopped breathing. I knew that voice. I have craved and begged for that voice in the abyss realm.

"Lauren?" I asked out loud. My voice cracked on her name. "Is that really you? Or am I still dreaming?"

"Well, it's me," Lauren said. She sounded tired but still her usual sarcastic self. “I'm here, Lyra. I'm back. I'm awake now."

The relief that flooded through me was so sudden and overwhelming that I couldn't speak. I could only cry.

"I thought I lost you," I said through my tears. "When we were in the abyss realm, I thought I had lost you forever. I couldn't feel you for so long. Your voice was gone in my head and I was so afraid that you were gone."

"Yeah, I know all that," Lauren said gruffly, she was trying not to sob. "I was there but I couldn't reach you, I am sorry. The darkness and the divine power in you that was waking was too strong. It was like I was trapped behind a glass, watching you but unable to touch you. But I never left, Lyra. I was always here fighting to get back to you especially when you called so earnestly while you were in the garden, I tried so hard but I couldn't but now, I am here."

I looked at Ragel. His face was wet with tears. His eyes were red from crying.

"What happened?" I asked him. "What did I choose? What did the gods want again?"

"They wanted to pick between the blessing or your wolf," Ragel said. His voice was rough, he looked so exhausted, he had overgrown hair all over his face.

"In simple words, it's either you could keep the blood moon blessing that Selene gave you or you could keep Lauren. But you couldn't keep both. One had to go for the other to stay."

I looked down at my hands. They felt lighter somehow as if something heavy had been lifted from them.

All the wounds I had on them were gone including the burns. "The blessing, is it really gone?”

"Yes," Ragel said.

"Completely?"

"Completely," he said. "Selene came back and gave you a choice and you chose Lauren. You told her you didn't want the blessing anymore. That you wanted your wolf back."

I tried to remember but there was nothing. Just darkness and dizziness. "I don't remember," I said. "I don't remember choosing."

"You were in and out of consciousness," Ragel said with a smile. "You were burning up from the inside. But when she asked you, you woke up just enough to answer her. You said you wanted Lauren."

Lauren was quiet inside my head but I could feel her presence. I was grateful I made the right choice, imagine me picking some power that was burning me alive over Lauren that has been with me since childhood.

"Thank you," I whispered to Lauren.

"For what?" Lauren shot back.

"For staying," I said honestly. "For waiting for me and not giving up on me."

The door opened suddenly and Tivel rushed in. When she saw that I was awake and conscious, her eyes went wide with shock and tears filled them.

"My queen!" she said. She came to the bed but stopped short, like she was afraid to touch me. "Are you okay? Should I get the healers? Do you need anything? Water? Medicine?"

“ Oh my goddess, Tivel, I am so glad to see you are alive. And I'm okay," I said. Flexing my arms so she could see I was.

Tivel's eyes quickly filled with tears and she looked away, trying to hide them.

"Come Tivel," I told her. "Please sit with me. I have missed you so much.”

Tivel sat down on the edge of the bed. Her hands were shaking. Her entire body was tense like she was holding herself together with only willpower.

Why did she look so scared of me? “ Tivel, are you alright?” I asked her, I tried to touch her but she flinched.

Ragel cleared his throat, to get my attention, I turned to him and he smiled. “ I will go check in on Arianna, my love. I will be back soon.”

I nodded at him, grateful to have them all again when a few months ago, I thought it wasn't possible.

After he left, I turned back to Tivel who was shaking and silently sobbing. “ Tivel, what's wrong?” I asked, my own eyes burning with tears seeing her cry.

“ I am so sorry, my lady… I am so sorry, e…everything is my fault.” She was sobbing now, she couldn't hold back.

I didn't understand what she meant, I just pulled her to me and wrapped her in a hug hoping this would make her feel better.

“ It's okay, Tivel, whatever it is, I am not angry with you, I swear it. Don't cry.”

She shook her head against my chest. “ You don't understand, my lady. I caused all this, I did it. It was because of me you couldn't marry the king. I did it,” she cries out in a broken voice trying to pull away.

I let her because I was a little confused by what she meant. “ What do you mean, Tivel?”

“ I gave your letters away…” she sobbed more loudly. Goddess, she was so distraught and looks like guilt has been eating her up.

“ I forgive you, whatever it is, Tivel. I forgive you,” I repeated, that had her looking at me, her eyes were so red and they looked swollen.

“ Y…you…forgive…me…why? I just told you, that I was the one that caused all your misery and you forgive me?” She looked so shocked that I wanted to laugh.

“ I am guessing you did it because you were threatened so I forgive you. I am not angry with you, so stop crying.”

Her eyes were wide with confusion and then surprise. “ But why would you do that?”

I understood what she meant, she might have been expecting me to punish or be angry with her but I won't punish her or be angry because Tivel has been nothing but a light of sunshine to me, even her brother.

Wait, Uluka. I smiled at her. “ I am not angry, Tivel because I know you are a good person so please stop crying. Besides, a lot of things would have happened whether you used to steal letters or not.”

She nods as if she could accept that explanation on why I wasn't angry with her. She was so adorable. “ Where is Uluka, is he busy?”

If she was alive, it means Ragel didn't harm them which also meant, Uluka was alright but Tivel's expression told me I was wrong.

My stomach tightened painfully in knots. “ Is your brother hurt?” More tears slid down Tivel's face and that gave me all the answers I needed.

“ How did he die?” I held onto her because she looked like she needed it as much as I did.

“ It was Kesha, my lady, she killed my brother. She…” she couldn't complete her words.

“ Why would she do that? Wasn't she his mate?” She bobs her head.

“ She was but she wanted Lord Garius. She was obsessed with him. I heard from the maids in his palace who were friends with her that she met with a strange man that promised to give her Lord Garius' heart if she did something for them. They said, she used to boast of it until one day, she started looking pale and malnourished…”

She stops and then takes a deep breath. I pressed her gently, she nodded again and I realized it was her own way to cope.

“ They said she confessed to one of them what the man required of her was to find Uluka and kill him. When she refused, they started tormenting her until she did what he wanted. She killed him…” she broke into tears again. “ But started regretting it, unable to take it anymore that she killed herself.”

That's so messed up. I pulled her into another hug again. “ It's okay, you have me, always.”

We sobbed in each other's arms until Ragel returned and told her a Lord Vavous wanted to see her and she left.