Chapter 77 Just breathe
I don't know what I would've done without T.J. here. Having him with me is probably the best thing, and it's not just for security.
He has a clear head where mine is muddled with worry over Miguel.
He gets us a taxi to get to the hospital, and I give him Raul's number to talk to him directly about what we should do next.
"There's a hotel close to the hospital." He informs me in the taxi. "I'll see if I can get us two rooms there."
"Thank you." I grab his hand. "I would've probably been lost if you weren't with me."
"Mmm." He looks at me from the corner of his eye. "Do I deserve to know what we're doing here then? Did I earn that right?"
I take a deep breath, and look out of the window at Berlin passing by.
"Miguel is hurt."
"Yeah, I got part. The part that I don't get is, is why we just took a twelve-hour flight, spending thousands of dollars to be by his bedside."
I can already feel the judgement burning on my face. I can't tell him we're just friends, because would that even be plausible? My family knows every part of my life, except for when Black, aka Miguel became a part of it.
"And this stays between us, right?" I turn to face him.
"That depends on if your life is in danger or not." He frowns. "You know that."
"It might be?"
T.J. frowns. "In what fucking way?"
"Raul might have mentioned that Ben is also here with his parents." I bite my lip, knowing this new information is not going to go over well. "In my defence, I just found out when we landed."
"Jesus Madz." He shakes his head in frustration. "And you don't want me to tell your parents when the very reason I'm with you, is also at this damn hospital!"
I close my eyes for a brief moment, the exhaustion and stress of the day draining me to the bone.
"Like I said, I also just found out. Ben literally hates Miguel, so I was quite surprised knowing he's here."
Maybe he's here to see his brother die. Knowing what I know about him now, he would probably stand by and smile while Miguel takes his last breath.
"You must have a death wish or something." T.J. looks at me like he's questioning my sanity. "What are you doing with Miguel? Talk now, or I'm on the phone with your parents and Uncle Alessandro."
He's backing me into a corner, and he knows it.
"Ummmm...." How do I tell the man who has always looked out for me that I'm in a situationship.
"Just spit it out, Madz, I know you're not twelve anymore."
"Well, if you put it that way." It does make me feel better knowing he doesn't look at me like I'm a kid. "So, Miguel and I started talking that night of the end of my last run at the theater. And then everything happened with Ben, and we recently met up in South Korea."
I don't think T.J. needs to know the real story.
"When did you start hooking up?" T.J. looks at me like he knows I'm lying.
I lick my lips. "In South Korea."
"You're lying." He states, because I'm a terrible fucking liar. "But at least now I'm sure you're sleeping with the fucking brother of your ex-fiance who, may I remind you, is a psychopath. I thought you were smarter than that."
"And that's why no one can know, okay!" I exclaim, running my fingers through my tangled hair. "I know it's fucking stupid, but I don't know how to explain it. It feels right being with Miguel, and he's been shot, and I'm really trying very hard not to lose my mind here."
T.J.'s expression softens. "From here on out, no secrets, please."
I just nod, my heart beating faster the closer we get to the hospital. With Ben being here, there might be a possibility that I won't get to see him.
T.J. calls Raul, who advises us to stay downstairs, that he will try and clear the coast for me to go to Miguel.
It takes well over an hour, and by the time he calls again, I've been pacing a hole in the carpet.
I'm yet again reminded how grateful I am for T.J. by my side as he grabs both of our overnight bags as we head for the elevator.
When we reach the eleventh floor, Raul is waiting for us. He doesn't look good, his dark hair disheveled, and his eyes red-rimmed as if he's been crying.
"Madison." He hugs me as soon as I get off the elevator. "Thank you so much for coming."
"I wanted to be here."
He nods at T.J. before clearing his throat.
"Just prepare yourself before you go inside, okay? He's hooked up to all these monitors, and there will be a soldier inside the room at all times."
"Where's Ben?" T.J. wants to know.
"I convinced them to go to their hotel to get some rest." Raul's dark eyes meet mine as we follow him down the corridor, and my anxiety keeps on climbing the further we walk. "I promise I will do everything in my power so the two of you don't cross paths here."
I frown. How much does Raul know that he feels so adamant to protect me from Ben?
Raul stops in front of a door where a soldier is standing outside. He peers through the glass window and nods at me.
"Lucille is with him, but she knows you're coming."
He opens the door for me, and not even his warnings could prepare me for the sight of Miguel in that hospital bed.
My feet take me to his side, even though fear rushes through my bloodstream.
He's bare chested and bandaged, and it looks like there are pipes and lines coming out of him everywhere.
I touch his large hand, the knuckles are bloody and bruised.
I can't stop the tears as I look at his once beautiful face, now swollen with bruises under both of his eyes and a breathing tube over his mouth.
Monitors beep all around him, his heart rate, his oxygen levels.
"I love you." His words haunt me, and I realise he's much more than just a situationship to me too.
I tried to fight it, tried to stop this thing I'm feeling for him.
But I failed.
"He's not breathing on his own." The blonde who I vaguely remember says from his other side.
I squeeze his bruised hand and lean down so my lips touches his ear.
"I'm here." I whisper into his ear. "I'm here, and I want you to breathe. Please, just breathe. For me."