Chapter 184 My love returns - Valentina POV
Miguel is going to be so mad if he finds out that I'm letting his father stay in the house. He never wanted me close to his father, not after I got so depressed that I couldn't even get out of bed, and his father got me committed into a facility where I stayed for too long. Shoved away where nobody could see me, where I couldn't be a problem for him.
Yet, I have forgiven him in my heart. When I look at him, I don't see the man that did that. Instead, I see that man at the firm who smiled at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world.
He's sitting at the dining table while I am busy making breakfast, a deep frown on his face while he's reading one of the diaries of his butler. Miguel spoke of Samuel often, he liked him.
Benedict is still a handsome man, even at over fifity years old. Grey hair streaks across his blonde that looks like he didn't bother to style it perfectly. In fact, Benedict is wearing one of Miguel's T-shirts and sweatpants because he didnt bring anything. The clothes are a little bit too big, but he still manages to pull it off.
My heart starts beating faster every time I look at him. I'm in trouble, I know I am, and my son will not agree if I tell him I still have feelings for his father.
Plus, I'm not allowed to feel like this, because Benedict is married to that witch.
Everything is her fault. I got sick because she was destroying my life. They said I would be able to see my son when they took him from me, but she made sure that never happened.
I used to cry myself to sleep every night, wondering if he was scared, and alone. He probably thought I abandoned him, but I went to that hosue every single day, until the police escorted me away. I was even charged with tresspassing once, all because I simply knocked on the door. The charges were dropped, probably because Benedict said so.
I know I shouldn't forgive Benedict, because he doesn't deserve it, but every time he looks at me with those blue eyes, I get very weak in the knees.
I've always been a sucker for him, and the years didn't change that.
"Did you go over to my house a lot?" He asks suddenly, as if he can read my mind.
"I did." I walk over to the table and put his plate in front of him. "I ask to see Miguel, but Caroline said no." '
"She never told me that, neither did Samuel." He frowns. "Why didn't Samuel never say something about that?"
It seems like he's contemplatig the answers for himself, and he continues reading with that frown on his face like whatever is on those pages are highly upsetting.
That is a time I would rather forget. I wasn't the best version of myself then, and all I wanted was to see my son at least once a week. I knew then that the ship has sailed with Benedict, his wife made it abundantly clear that I wasn't worth Benedict's time, but they could at east let me spend time with my son.
My heart was already broken not being able to be with the man I loved, not seeing Miguel was the final nail in my coffin. I was mad, I got a little crazier every day I was shown away.
"Samuel was jealous of you." Benedict murmurs incredulously. "He knew that you wete the only person I ever loved, and he hated you for it."
A pang goes through my heart. Yesterday he also said that he never loved anyone aside from me, but it's so hard to beliecve when Caroline told me almsot every day that Benedict didn't love me and he didn't want me. She also said Miguel never even asked for me.
I know now that she lied, because Miguel told me how he cried for me every single day.
I should;d have fought harder for him. Instead, I was weak, and I lost my mind instead.
"Why Samuel is jealous?" I frown.
"I think he was in love with me." Benedict answers, looking embarrassed as he puts the journal face down on the table to eat his food.
"Did you know?" I'm not surprised. Benedict is a very handsome man, any girl or man could fall in love with him. Every time I look at Miguel, I look at a younger version of his afther.
"No." He frowns down at the food on his plate. "He was either very good at hiding it, or I was just very ignorant. I'm betting on the latter."
"You not know Samuel is gay?"
"No, I just thought he didn't want a family of his own because mine kept him too busy." He shakes his head in disbelief. "How was I such a fool?"
I want to get up and hug him, because it looks like the mistakes of his past is eating him alive. I made peace with everything that happened a long tme ago, because Miguel assured me that there was nothing I could've done differently.
The Cargills had too much power and too much money. I even tried to run away with him, but they always found us.
My only sin was falling in love with the wrong man, and bearing his son.
But I will never regret it, because it gave me a beautiful boy, and I will not exchange that for anything.
"Do you ever think of how our life would be like if we got married?" Benedict's voice is soft and regretful, his blue eyes shining as he looks at me.
Wishing for things we can't have could be dangerous, like it was dangerous for my mental health.
"Too many times."
Benedict nods at my answer, satisfied with whatever he sees in my gaze.
We are getting too close again. First, we were both just concerned about Miguel, but now things are getting too personal again.
He broke my heart once.
If he breaks it again, I might not come back from that.
It's best I stay away from Benedict, before I regret everything.