Chapter 161 Doing what I want - T.J. POV
"Could you please pass me the salt?" I ask Simon who is sitting to my right.
He stiffens in his seat, knowing that I don't need the salt because Valentina's beef pot pie tastes perfect. I can feel Madison's eyes burning on me when Simon holds out the salt for me, and I deliberately brush my fingers against his.
He's been ignoring me the whole day. That after he literally ran from the beach last night after I told him I was thinking of kissing him. That is certainly not the reaction I thought I would get when I confessed that I don't look at him as just a friend.
He's most likely going back to his apartment after the revelation when we go back to New York, so I figure what the hell do I have to lose? This is unchartered territory for me, but I have never had this physical reaction to any human being before, so I'm exploring that. Even if it feels foreign, there has to be a reason why I can't stop thinking about him.
"Are you still enjoying yourself here, Simon?" Madz asks, but she's looking accusingly at me, like I'm making her friend's stay intolerable.
"I love it here." He says immediately. "It's such a great break from the city."
"I wasn't quite sure you would like it." She smiles softly. "You always liked the party scene, so I thought maybe you would miss that."
"I don't." Simon frowns, and I think back on what he told me on the beach last night. "I might scale back on all that now."
I actually have a few artists that hire my company. I know that the entertainmnet industry can be a dark place, and maybe it's best if he takes it easy especially after what happened with Ben.
I realize then I don't want him getting hurt ever again. I want to protect him from the cruel world that always want to harm good souls.
"You shouldn't let what Ben did to you change the way you live your life." Miguel pipes in, this time making me frown.
He's getting worse, and I wonder if Madz can see that. I'm going to have a conversation with her about it. He hardly speaks at the dinner table anymore, it's like he's retreating into himself and his own head. I'm finding it hard to believe that it could only be because of Ben's death. Something else has to be bothering him, and eating him up inside.
It looks like he's a ticking time bomb, and if he doesn't realize he has a problem soon, his whole life might get blown up.
"I'm not." Simon's green eyes meet mine briefly before he smiles at Miguel. "I'm just remembering what is important to me."
I like that. My father told me once that sometimes we have to lose something important for us to realize what we should cherish. He was talking about my mother's death. I didn't understand it at the time, but I do know that he was the best father to me growing up, he always made sure he was there when I did something, even as small as a stupid baseball game that I was really not good at.
I help Valentina clear the dishes after we finish eating, and I want to pack the dishwasher, but she nudges me in the side at the sink.
"Go for the walk!" She whispers conspiratorially, and winks naughtily.
My heart suddenly starts beating faster with nerves. I don't know if Simon wants to go for a walk with me, especially not after last night when he bolted, but I walk to the room he stays in, and knock on the open door.
His eyes tell me he knows I was on my way here when he comes to the door. "You want to go for a walk?"
"Only if you want to." I don't recognize my own voice, but my heart soars when he nods and brushes past me out of the room.
The slight breeze outside is welcome on my heated skin, and we walk in silnce for a while before I look at him next to me.
"You ran last night. Please know I didn't mean to scare you."
He doesn't meet my eyes, his gaze on the sand as we leisurely stroll along the mostly deserted beach.
"I'm sorry about that." He clears his throat. "A few months ago I thought I was in a relationship with a guy who ended up being straight and lying to me. So, I thought it was best if I left last night."
I frown, understanding what he's not saying in so many words. I have been straight for my whole life, at least I thought I was, and now I'm suddenly showing an interest in him. It must be as confusing for him as it is for me.
"I would never lie to you, Simon."
"And how would I know that? Forgive me, but my trust in humanity has been deeply scarred."
I stop, and he does the same, allowing me to walk to him and stop before him. "Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me?"
He finally looks at me, conflict at this situation warring in his eyes.
"I don't know what you want from me, T.J., and I didn't come here to get involved in some kind of holiday romance that will end sour."
I step even further into him, our chests almost touching, my heart whooshing in my ears because in my life I have never been more nervous than in this moment. But my father didn't raise a coward, and he always said I should go after what I want.
And what I want is right in front of me wrapped in a glorious package of elegance, the lines of his face classically cut like he just escaped from a Disney movie where he was the prince and I'm the villain trying to take what is not mine.
"Neither did I." My voice comes out gruff, and my hands gently grip the fabric of his shirt and pulls him completely into my body. He feels like heaven up against me. "And I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but one thing I do know, is that I want you. You can run, and you can even hide, but I see the way you look at me and you can't say you don't want this too."
"T.J......"
I don't wait for him to deny that this chemistry between us is one-sided, I do the thing I've been wanting to do for a while.
I crush his lips with mine, my hands leaving his shirt and grabbing his cheeks so he doesn't turn away from me. I expect him to, instead he moans and open his mouth, allowing my tongue into the warm cavern that I've been obsessing about.
I realize then that this is the reason I didn't find anyone attractive before.
Because it feels like a puzzle has just clicked intoplace, and there's no way I'm letting him run away from me again.